How Do You Measure Success?
When we all use a different yardstick.
This article was nearly given the title “My sister got a Rolex from Bill Gates and all I got was this glitchy software.”
It’s true, my sister works as a director for Microsoft and has all the trappings of wealth that goes along with this. I don’t resent it, or her, but I do have concerns about the perception of wealth creation equating to success in life, and where that leaves me. I’m a single parent struggling to get by, living in a house my dad helped me to purchase. But I’m okay with that.
Yeah, maybe it was a little galling to read the lengthy post on Facebook about how proud he was of the award for her career achievements and the footnote, saying “I love my other daughter too” — that’s me, the also-ran.
Why should a person be perceived as being better or doing better in life when they own a lot of stuff or win awards?
What do we mean by the word success?
The dictionary definition of success is “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose.”
Wikipedia tells us “Success is the state or condition of meeting a defined range of expectations. It may be viewed as the opposite of failure. The criteria for success depend on context, and may be relative to a particular observer or belief system.”
Success depends on our subjective definition of whatever we think it is, whatever our goals or ambitions, aims or purpose are.
That’s perhaps a broader definition than we have been led to believe.
Do you feel like a success right now, wherever you’re at in your life? Quite possibly not. The average person is less satisfied with their lot than in the past, statistics tell us. And the reason for this? Comparison with others.
This is despite the objective facts of increasing average wealth, health and status. But the average person in 1950 felt happier than the average one today.
Is it because we believe that success comes from wealth, fame or status?
Success is not about comparison
One person who understands people’s need to quit comparing themselves to others is personal growth and development expert Sinem Gunel. Sinem has been a Medium powerhouse ever since she has tapped into people’s need for self-development and their yearning to be better versions of themselves.
“If you genuinely respect yourself, you’ll be less inclined to judge yourself based on comparisons with others.” — Sinem Günel
It’s easier said than done. As evidenced by the copious amount of personal growth material on offer. If it was just a case of reading a book and instantly transforming your life, or your attitude, we’d all be feeling like the contented success stories we aspire to be. But it’s a process, and remember the dictionary definition of success is simply achieving a goal.
Did you aim to hit publish on a story today and achieve that? The dictionary would tell you that’s a success.
These days I’m less about striving and more about savoring. Every little accomplishment adds up to a whole lot of success in my book.
I’m not a martyr to poverty. I’m not about to do as Diogenes did and live in a clay jar to demonstrate how little value I ascribe to money. I’d like to be able to afford to take my kids out for dinner and to fix my car when it breaks down. But I’m not a slave to wealth creation or the appearance of what we tend to call success.
Does financial wealth = success?
“All the money you made will never buy back your soul.” — Bob Dylan
You don’t own stuff, your stuff owns you.
I’ve known a few very wealthy people over the years. All of them have spent an enormous amount of their time curating their possessions, litigating their wealth to protect it from others, fighting insurance battles when their yachts are damaged or getting in trouble for forgetting to tax one of their many cars.
I know people who own so many cars they don’t even drive some of them from one year to the next.
Bigger houses mean needing more stuff to fill them. If you have large amounts of money, you can buy as big a house as you like but you still have to fill the vast emptiness inside. Yes, that metaphor was intended.
Does fame or status = success?
One measure of success in modern society is fame. So many people are pursuing popularity at the expense of all else that it changes and consumes them. They become obsessed with maintaining the level of success they have achieved and will sometimes resort to surgery, lying and cheating to keep themselves in the spotlight.
Shows like Keeping Up With The Kardashians give us an unhealthy set of goals to aspire to.
People who have experienced the heights of fame and status often walk away from it all and opt for a more simple life. Just a few examples are Brigitte Bardot, Cameron Diaz and Audrey Hepburn.
“Nothing is more important than empathy for another human being’s suffering. Nothing — not career, not wealth, not intelligence, certainly not status. We have to feel for one another if we are going to survive with dignity”. — Audrey Hepburn
The grass is not always greener on the other side
Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence because it’s fake. I’ve been on the other side, and that lush grass was not all it was cracked up to be.
I feel a bit like Benjamin Button sometimes, living my life in reverse. I was married to a doctor as a very young woman and lived in a big house with a nice garden, and plenty of disposable income. Over the passing years following my divorce I have downsized to a little house with a tiny garden — and no husband. But my life satisfaction has increased.
There’s just me and my one pre-teen son at home. I have a job but not much money because I have chosen to enjoy living life above the stresses and soul-destroying mundanity of 9–5 work.
I practice yoga and I love to run as fast and as far as I can; indoor climbing makes me very happy. And I’m finally devoting time to writing which has been a life-long goal and one that I’m succeeding at. My heart swells with pride at the achievements of my children but no matter what they do, it’s the people that they have become that gives me the most joy.
My life is good. I’m subjectively a lot happier than I was during the time that I possessed all of the trappings of wealth. But if you were looking at my life from the outside you could be forgiven for perceiving it as a failure by modern society’s measurements.
Sometimes the grass looks greener on the other side until you get over there.
“A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others but our satisfaction is measured by ourselves, our own soul, mind and heart.”— Unknown
However you choose to measure your success, remember:
- Every goal accomplished is a success
- Don’t compare yourself to others
- Financial wealth comes with burdens and obligations
- Empathy for others is more important than status
- The grass is not always greener on the other side
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