How Do You Handle a Hostile Job Reference?

How to Still Look Good — (Contains channeled remarks)

This morning I’m embarking on a bit of research about how to list a job reference on your resume that is likely going to be hostile.

The reasoning for all of this is that we got a call from an old friend who wanted some advice, and I really am not sure how to handle it.

I should. It needs to have a place in my Get Job books.

The way I figure it is if you’ve been working for any amount of time, the likelihood of having a job where things did not end well is high. Most of the jobs I had ended because they were either temporary or, more often, my husband and I moved.

I had a job, the longest I ever stayed at, that lasted over 20 years. I went from a raw newbie to somebody who knew something during that job. It ended when I retired, and for many years after, I acted as a sort of consultant. I still do occasionally. It was a totally satisfying job.

The job I had after that one after I retired, ended on a sour note. It took me a long time to get over the emotional hurt. I have since lost track of the person I worked for, though if I were to dig really hard, I might be able to find a point of contact. I wouldn’t really want anybody talking to her if I could help it. On the one hand, she might have gotten over her spite, but chances are she might not have. So, in this instance, I would not want anybody talking to her. I did an exemplary job. I learned a lot from her. I helped her a lot, more than anyone would expect. I worked weekends, late nights, and holidays. On many occasions I dropped everything to come to her aid.

For a time, we were very good friends. And then we were not. Basically, she found somebody who was smarter than I was and who was willing to work as hard. I found out later that the employer did the same thing to my replacement, who was left high and dry with her head spinning, asking herself, “What did I do?”

All I can say is it was a good experience to learn from.

So, how to handle that on a job resume? She was the last person I worked for.

The imaginative part of me would say, “Go ahead. Put her on the resume. You worked for her for three years. I have W-2s from the time I worked there, so yes, I can prove that I was there. I got paid.

(Channeling Ahead. My guide’s part is in a bold italics)

Perhaps we might be of assistance?

It is helpful always to look forward, to stride forward. In looking back, in anticipating failure and difficulties, you set the stage for those possibilities to happen.

Change your mindset so that you see the good in all situations, whether they are distasteful or not.

Say that you are able to work under unsavory situations, that you have survived an abusive and demanding employer in the past. Not every time because not all of your jobs were like that. If the prospective employer is interested, tell the truth. Always tell the truth.

Spend no more than a very small amount of time on the “Oh poor me story” than you have to. Like anything, anybody is more inclined to be captivated or to be interested in an optimistic outlook than in a negative one.

You can say, “I don’t know why he acted that way toward me, but he did the same thing to others. I was not singled out for mistreatment.” Typically, although the way is open to complain for any worker, the fact that many do not is understandable.

Do not talk “smack” about your former employer. Just say you learned a lot about your own tolerance and decided to remove yourself from the situation. That it happened too late, and you were fired or just not renewed for another contractual period is not useful.

What a current employer is always looking for is an employee who will fit in — an employee who will do the job and not complain. Admittedly, there will be jobs the world over where people have problems when they are fighting ageism or sexism and are either themselves being mistreated or who are handling their positions of leadership in a bad way. The higher-ups will eventually see what is going on.

Enough negative reports come in centering on one particular manager will eventually result in them being ousted. That they used you to vent their anger or frustration is something they will either eventually need to take up with their current employer or their God when the story is over.

You are responsible for how you live your life, and if somebody wants to use your back as a stepping stone, you either allow it or you don’t.

List the last job and make a note that it is a potential negative reference. If the prospective employer asks you about it, tell your story and do not dwell on the negative parts. If a previous employer leaves a negative review for you, you can always use litigation and sue them. Yes, that would cost money and entail much energy, but you do have that option.

Thanks.

You are welcome.

And the research continues.

I just asked Google and came up with some interesting information. I was thinking about the W-2 or paystub thing to prove that you actually had a job. ChatGPT (which is where Google directed me) agreed and also suggested that a tax return would prove that you had income coming in, though personally, I would not like to use something like that. ChatGPT also commented that you could also get an employment verification letter from your previous employer which would include your dates of employment, job title, and salary if you wanted that on it.

Now, what is interesting is that information from ChatGPT came from someone else’s conversation. That’s the first time that’s happened to me.

If you’ve ever been in this sort of situation, could you leave a comment about what you did to resolve it? I am interested in both stories of success and of failure. I need to find a solution that people, my friend included, can use.

Thanks for reading.