How Do You Decide What Personal Information to Publicly Share in Your Writing?

Putting the private “you” out there for public evaluation can make you feel very vulnerable, yet common experiences and opinions matter.

“In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies but the silence of our friends.”

— Martin Luther King, Jr

I first began really struggling with this question more and more during the chaos of the previous year. Before about a year ago, I was very careful about what I put online. I wrote exclusively in the third person about material that could be researched and which wasn’t about me. I saw being a writer and a blogger as two distinct things, with the former being more respected in the eyes of the public. I viewed blogging as writing whatever came to mind that day which was expressed through free writing.

I have learned over time that these two things are not mutually exclusive, and if anything, those who blog and do it well have the harder job compared to analyzing and integrating what is already out there. Even then, though, I was reluctant to put anything about myself online. Part was from the understanding that once something is out there it is impossible to completely get rid of every trace of it. Then there was the fear of negative evaluation.

I worried that if people got to know the real me, they might not like me. It’s easier if people don’t like a fictional version of you or at least if you keep the characteristics you feel are crucial elements defining who you are out of the public eye. When people don’t like what you feel is most important about you it’s devastating.

It has only been in the past year that I really started putting myself out there more, stories about contracting COVID-19 and the aftermath, along with opinions about politics among other topics. In terms of the former, I received more support than I ever imagined was possible. From the latter — well — some cheered me on while others wrote scathing comments attacking me and everything I stood for. (Not so much on Medium where readers seem a bit more couth than elsewhere.

This has begun concerning me more again recently, regarding President Trump. With friends and family, I’ve left no doubt as to how I feel about him, both as a President and a person. Yet, I was consciously very careful about what I wrote about him and politics in general.

Then came the election and his refusal to concede a fairly held accurately counted vote. It’s not like we didn’t know what was coming next, but the degree of it and severity did leave me breathless. He wouldn’t say die and kept on with one of those logical fallacy type things which said before the fact, “If I win all is right with the world but if I lose we know for a fact the election was fraudulent since I can’t lose.”

As concerned as I had been by his behavior, rhetoric and his obvious belief that he was above the law before the election turned into distress and fear as his behavior continued to escalate each time one of his efforts to overturn the election was shot down. The distress began to morph into anger, depression, anxiety and a sense that our country was out of control and not reverting to the one that I recognized any time soon. It was then I began voicing my opinions online.

I hadn’t done this before for two reasons. The first was the belief that our president deserves a degree of loyalty or at least that we should have the respect to not publicly attack him and his policies. Whenever I found myself wanting to write about something related to the current administration I was furious and couldn’t keep it in any longer or risk exploding. I turned to similar thinking friends and family members to rant and rave and express my incredulity over what was happening now and what the repercussions could be.

The second reason was related more to my writing. I knew that, like there always are, there were many people in the country who supported Trump no matter what. I also knew that many of them modeled themselves after him to the point of responding to criticism of the administration with vehemence, insults, attacks and sometimes threats.

While I don’t enjoy criticism of my work any more than any other writer, I can handle it if it is a legitimate response based on a thought out opinion or if it otherwise could be used to better my writing. But comments that are based on knee jerk reactions to having supporters of the president lash out intending to do their worst was not something I was eager to trigger.

However, when things went south to the degree that governors and other state officials were being bullied, coerced and threatened if they refused to overturn the the state election results and the Capitol attacks occured, I knew it was time to start writing. It was the most successful way of coping I knew

I know I’m not the only writer who copes this way. We explore our worlds through writing and getting things that bother us out this was is a well-established method.

I won’t say, however, I wasn’t concerned putting my opinions on the line especially on this topic. They say never write about politics. Probably because it can become contentious and drive a wedge between people. But none the less, I started putting my position out there feeling that joining in solidarity with those online who felt like I did would provide further support during these trying times.

So, How Do You Decide How Much of Your Personal Life and Opinions to Put Online?

I guess the answer to this it comes down to how much you are writing in order to present the image of the who you really are vs. a fictional entity aimed at gaining a specific following without disclosing too much about who you really are. And to be clear here, I’m not saying one’s right or wrong depending on your goals for your writing.

Many of the great writers created fictional selves that they presented to the world which established a character that fans flocked to. But I wonder if they ever felt constrained by the pressure to always act as if they were on stage unable to deviate from their lines.

Sometimes I feel liberated when posting a personal opinion or something that has happened to me, other times I look back and worry these comments will only appeal to one group of people with others being diametrically opposed, thus limiting my fan base.

But as the saying goes, you can’t please all of the people all of the time. What this doesn’t include though is anything about pleasing yourself. Writers differ as to how much they are willing to expose personal things about themselves in their writing. I would love to know what you think about this topic if you’d like to weigh in by adding a comment below.

Natalie Frank has a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology. She specializes in Pediatrics and Behavioral Medicine. Her collection of poetry, Disguised I Breathe, In Love I Hold, can be found here on Amazon.

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