LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
How Do We Protect Teenage Boys?
Sex matters for both sexes
What parents say to boys: Aw, you have a girlfriend. That’s so cute.
What parents say to girls: Who is this person? Do I know his mother? Has he touched you inappropriately? I need to meet him. You can’t be alone with him. What’s his mother’s number? Keep the door open. Sex is the most important decision you’ll make in this part of your life.
My friends talk to their daughters more about sex than their sons because girls can get pregnant. But, just because boys cannot get pregnant does not mean they cannot get hurt.
I remember hearing stories about men taking their sons to prostitutes to lose their virginity. I never heard about mothers taking their daughters to male prostitutes to lose their virginity. That would be criminal — but it was acceptable with boys. A right of passage.
Boys, though they mature slower than girls, are rushed into sex when they are not ready for it. Flash forward-a culture of predatory male behavior. We assume boys are okay with sex because they are not slut shamed. That’s a pretty low bar.
Boys, who are praised for being sexual before they are emotionally mature enough to be sexual, is a serious issue. It frequently leads to adult men who have a juvenile and occasionally predatorial relationship with sex and intimacy.
We frequently tell girls to WAIT for the right person, but boys do not get that same message. Boys are told to get sex over with, don’t be a virgin, be ready for everything, and consider sex an opportunity they cannot refuse.
Too many girls are unprotected, yes, but I rarely hear about protecting boys in regard to sex. As the mother of a teenage boy, it is my job to protect my son from being overtly and prematurely sexualized — the same protection I’d give a daughter.
Girls are warned about boys, but boys are rarely warned about girls. People always say sexual girls are considered sluts but sexual boys are considered studs. I know that is terrible for girls, but it’s also terrible for boys.
I don’t want my son to be a stud. I want him to be in a healthy relationship with another person. He’s not some racehorse created for breeding. He’s a thoughtful, clever, emotional being.
If I want my son to have a lifelong healthy relationship with sex, I need to continue to teach him that sex is sacred, meaningful, and to be enjoyed with someone he is emotionally intimate with.
Does talking about sex and intimacy with my son embarrass me? Yes, it’s awkward to talk to kids about sex, but it’s necessary. It’s also perfectly normal for it to feel uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable doesn’t mean bad — it means hard. It means important.
As I watch all my single friends deal with adult men who are only interested in sex, I think about how sex is initially introduced to boys and girls. Don’t tell me about evolution and seed spreading. I’m talking about emotional health and sexual maturity.
I cannot control most things my son experiences, but I can talk about the value of intimacy. For those of you with young teenage sons, how do you talk to them about sex so we don’t end up with more men in a permanent state of sexually arrested development?
