Summary

The web content presents a compilation of personal accounts detailing the experiences of individuals in relationships with people who have Cluster B personality disorders, particularly Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

Abstract

The article "How Do Narcissists and other Cluster B People Experience Love?" is a curated selection of internet comments that offer insight into the nature of love and relationships as perceived by individuals with Cluster B personality disorders. These disorders, which include Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), are characterized by intense emotional experiences, unstable relationships, and a profound impact on the partners of those affected. The comments suggest that people with these disorders may initially idealize their partners, seeing them as saviors, but this phase is often followed by devaluation and a lack of trust. The experiences shared highlight the challenges of maintaining a healthy relationship with someone who has a Cluster B personality disorder, including the difficulty in meeting their emotional needs, the prevalence of seeking new sources of validation, and the propensity for creating drama. The article emphasizes that these personal accounts are not meant to stigmatize individuals with personality disorders but rather to provide a platform for shared experiences and understanding.

Opinions

daze507 suggests that individuals with BPD may not experience love in the traditional sense but rather see their partners as saviors who can alleviate their inner turmoil, a dynamic that is unsustainable and leads to a cycle of idealization and devaluation.
Daya Tom succinctly states that individuals with Cluster B personality disorders never truly experience love as understood by neurotypical individuals.
Tin Dovak shares the painful experience of being cheated on, dumped, and blocked by a partner with BPD, illustrating the extreme and hurtful measures that can occur during a breakup.
WhisperTexan reflects on the idea that if a BPD partner cannot love in a way that meets one's needs, it is necessary to move on and find someone who can, viewing the end of such a relationship as an opportunity for personal growth.
wife20yrs describes how individuals with NPD/BPD constantly seek new sources of supply due to their insatiable need for validation and love, which stems from their childhood trauma, and how no single person can fulfill their bottomless emotional needs.
vertigoflower discusses the emotional turmoil caused by the realization that individuals with Cluster B personality disorders may already be grooming a new partner before the end of a current relationship, and how they can easily move on without genuine emotional attachment.
whywhy987 explains that people with Cluster B personality disorders are not inherently evil but are unable to bond in a healthy manner, often seeing relationships as transactions to fulfill their needs, and emphasizes the importance of proper therapy for these individuals.
John Davies describes the paradoxical nature of love for someone with BPD, who may crave love but become less invested when it is consistently provided, instead being drawn to partners who are emotionally distant and keep them at arm's length.
Aurora Thomas shares a metaphor for the inner struggle of someone with a personality disorder, where trust issues stem from a fear of exposing a vulnerable inner self, leading to the use of masks and defenses in relationships.

How Do Narcissists and other Cluster B People Experience Love?

This is a collection of personal experiences taken from internet comments

To try and understand more about personality disorders and love, I scoured the internet for comments from people talking about relationships. The comments were pulled from YouTube, Quora, and Reddit. Usernames are provided above each comment.

This is not intended to disparage people with personality disorders. Instead, this is a compendium of people’s experiences with people, and will hopefully give insight to those looking for someone with a shared experience.

From daze507:

I don’t think they can love in adult sense of love. They are infatuated and they think they have finally found “the one” who is fixing them because, when the meet you, they really feel better, you see them smile and laugh and it’s all genuine and that’s exactly why they praise and adore you, you’re not their love, you’re their saviour. That doesn’t last long though, when the honeymoon period ends (aka when real love should start) their demons get back to the surface again, they see your flaws, they see you will not be the one who will save them (and unconsciously a new parent for them). Not only that, people with BPD get bored very fast, they hate stability because they cannot feel comfortable when it happens, it’s not their natural states, it’s not what they saw during their childhood so they create drama to compensate and it escalates. They also never really trust you, a bit during idealization, not at all once devaluation starts, you can’t have a healthy relationship without trust. If you come back to your relationship we will realise something very obvious, it’s that it’s always been a one-sided thing, you were here to provide for their needs, not the other way around, they could fake otherwise during the beginning because they are very good at mirroring and observing others behaviours but it was just an act, at the end of the day it was all about them not you and you never really mattered as a person. That’s why, once they decide you cannot bring anything positive to them, you’re out of the picture and they move on the next “saviour”, instantly. People with BPD will never try to work on their relationship or communicate in a healthy way about it because they’re just incapable of that, they have not developed the tools during their childhood

From Daya Tom:

Short answer: They never did.

From Tin Dovak:

breakup with borderline is so hard. I got cheated, dumped and blocked everywhere. Like nothing ever existed, and maybe worst than that. I am an enemy. Its hard to handle that

From WhisperTexan:

Mel this is a particularly profound and enlightening video. What resonates with me is your idea that we deserve to be loved the way we need to be loved. What our concept of love is for each of us. If our BPD partner is incapable of this type of love then we have to move on for our own sake. If, like me, a BPD partner left you, you should consider yourself lucky now that you have the freedom to define what love is for you and find someone who shares that belief. Thank you for this video.

From wife20yrs:

I think this may be quite the case with many who have NPD/BPD. The reason is they are ALWAYS AND AT ALL TIMES looking for new supply and grooming them. Their egos cannot be satisfied with just one person because they are so broken and needy from their childhood. They seek validation and love from every person they meet, and they hasten to meet new people all the time. They will blame it on you that you weren’t attentive enough or that you don’t take enough time with them, but ultimately no one person can satisfy the bottomless needs of a Cluster B personality disordered person.

From vertigoflower:

This is one of the most painful parts of their twisted pathology, for non PD individuals. Everyone saying they probably had the next person lined up before you knew it, are right. It’s so prevalent. And honestly, you may have been that ‘replacement’ when you met them. I was. I’m not proud of it, but when they’re the picture perfect image of a partner, why would you resist?

Guess what? She did the same thing to me. Started seeing another guy weeks before we broke up — now they’re together. She tried to do it once before in the midst of our “relationship,” when she half convinced me we were over (so she wouldn’t have to feel bad about seeing another guy), but because I was in the fog of everything still, I begged her to not leave & for us continue seeing each other. She broke down & cried, because she KNEW what she was doing was shitty (just drop me & see another guy when I was trying to work things out w her.)

If YOU did this stuff to someone, you’d be labeled scum of the earth, split black, because it IS shitty to do that to someone you’re dating. Oh, but they can. Because instant gratification & affection is their gasoline. You’re not special. I don’t care how many late night conversations & kisses you shared.

Edit: Reminds me of one time she was having a breakdown, because I couldn’t spend the night. She said she wasn’t just ready to feel miserable & alone with herself. I simply asked “You’d feel that way because I wouldn’t be here with you?” She condescendingly laughed at me, and said “Oh please. You’re delusional. If you were gone, or we weren’t together, I’d be sad for maybe like a day, then I’d be fine. Seriously. I don’t need you.” To this day, I remember hearing that, it still hurts. Now I know, she said it because SHE CAN EASILY GET WITH SOMEONE NEW in no time. Keep in mind, the cognitive dissonance of her ALSO saying “I can’t imagine not having you. You’re so special and good to me. I care so much about you.” God… it’s frustrating as hell. That shit damages our emotional spectrum.

From whywhy987:

They are literally not wired to bond with people in a healthy manner. They see people as sources to fill their needs… such as feeling loved, wanted, validated, giving them a sense of self as well as food, money, sex. And if you aren’t filling their needs in that moment they simply find another source(s). Once that source is secured they drop you, move on and feel nothing about it. Because they were never really bonded to you like a healthy person, even though they may have acted as if they were. They are masters at playing the part to get what they need.

I don’t say this as though it’s evil intent. Again, they are not wired to bond and have developed this way as a means of survival. They are ill and need to be in proper therapy.

From John Davies:

Borderlines are a paradox to themselves, they crave to be loved but when you love them a lot, the less they love you. Get this, and it’s a big big deal. The type of person who a borderline will accept loving them is not someone who puts love on a plate, who is there for them consistently, who is emotionally available completely. The person with the disorder may ‘think’ that this is what they want but it is absolutely not true. In reality what works is an emotionally distant person, a person who drip feeds love, who will engage in game-playing, who will challenge them, let them win and them make them lose. It will be someone who the borderline has to work to get them to love them back, it equals distance, sometimes the more the better. Borderlines are protective over their space inside, they are a mystery and sometimes alienated and abhorrent to themselves, so why they hell would they want you to see who they really are or look directly at it themselves. A partner who keeps them guessing, who makes them think, feel anxious, who’s just out of reach provides an adequate amount of distraction from the huge issues underneath.

From Aurora Thomas:

The moment I stop trusting someone can be felt. It’s like if my brain had a room and in that room the scared and abused little kid still exists. It’s a dungeon in there though and she’s chained up and locked behind a series of a thousand doors. Those doors are the masks the little girl is imprisoned behind which makes me who I am. They’re carefully constructed and some have many, many layers. Some are made of impenetrable materials and some are paper flimsy, not well developed. If I trust someone enough I can take all of it down, in theory at least, let her out and then I won’t have to use people the way I do.

…

Hope you enjoyed this collection, and that it helped you put your experience in perspective. Best to you.