How Do Lies Affect Us?
I was 9 years old when my cousin told his parents that I broke the TV remote. Despite both of us knowing it was a lie and that he was the one responsible, he continued to deny it and shifted the blame onto me.
His parents believed him, leaving me feeling frustrated and powerless — a sentiment that has stayed with me.
My dad used to deceive my mom about what he was doing, engaging in arguments with her with such confidence that he convinced her he was telling the truth.
He made her feel like she was the irrational one for not believing him.
The first guy I ever texted with also used to lie to me about many things, and I trusted him until one day, accidentally, I uncovered one of his lies.
This discovery made me question everything, realizing that he had been lying to me all this time.
That’s all I can recall from past experiences that made me detest lies and liars, even to the point of heartbreak over a seemingly harmless white lie.
Consequently, I was determined to ensure that all my future relationships would be built on honesty.
In my initial relationship, driven by the desire for it to succeed, I explicitly communicated my detest for lies and liars to my partner.
I emphasized the importance of trust in a relationship and explained how facing a challenging truth could strengthen our bond, whereas a white lie might push me away.
Despite being aware of this, he still decided to lie to me, just because he didn’t feel secure enough to tell me the truth.
In my second relationship, I decided to be more open, to give him enough space and trust for him to feel like he could tell me anything, yet he still decided to lie to me. Why? Because he didn’t want to “hurt me.”
All along, it was not about me; it was about them not having the courage to be who they truly are, them trying to manipulate my emotions just because they were too afraid of the consequences.
In the next part of my life, I will not talk about how much I dislike lies. I know it won’t change people who are used to lying.
Instead, I will just pay attention to whether someone is honest or not. Honest with who they are, honest with what they are feeling, and honest with how they show up every day into the world. When I see that, I will know that they are being real with me.
If you’re wondering how to tell if a person is lying to you or trying to deceive you, or if they live with integrity, you can see their honesty by their values and the way they show up for themselves and others too.
Pay attention to whether they seek acceptance in society through half-truths.
Being lied to or deceived is one of the worst feelings, as it alters your belief in what is true.
Yet, this is not all about lies; there is the most important thing missing, me lying to myself.
There was something inside of me that told me to let go of my first relationship, telling me that no matter how good it may seem if it feels like a continuous fight, then I must let it go.
However, I waited for a long time to experience love and be loved, so the idea of being alone again terrified me.
Despite assuring myself that things would get better, and we would become better for each other, the reality was the opposite.
My desire for the relationship to succeed led me to overlook my feelings and emotions.
Eventually, I found myself in a situation where things took a turn for the worse. I had invested so much in creating a life around him that when I fell, it became challenging to pick myself back up.
I had no idea how lying to myself would impact my confidence and everyday life. Back then, I couldn’t see it, but now I do.
Because of this realization, I’ve committed to always trust myself and be honest, even when facing a reality that might be scarier than what I initially wanted to believe.
Thanks to that promise, I’m proud to share that I’ve found the courage to resign from my job just two months in. While the monetary aspect was tempting, I recognized that staying would put at risk my mental well-being.
So, I chose not to deceive myself with false hopes of improvement but rather to proactively seek out the better opportunities that I, like everyone else, truly deserve.