The Corona Chronicles
How Do I Not Write About the Thing That’s on Everyone’s Minds Right Now?
Disclaimer: This story is not-not about the Coronavirus
I’m a writer, artist, and personal essayist who normally writes stories about sex, relationships, mental health, feminism, spirituality, religion, parenting—and often, all of these topics mashed together into one.
This global pandemic is seriously cramping my style.
Shit! That was awfully inconsiderate of me to say.
I mean, I can’t really complain. Can I?
I’m alive and healthy, I’m not starving, and I’m not struggling any more than I already was a few weeks ago.
I am struggling with what to write though…
For example, I’m working on a piece about public sex, and I’d like to share the thrill of having sex with the risk of getting caught.
But who wants to read about that right now?
Is it even ok to write about it?
Is it inconsiderate? Selfish? Indulgent? Dangerous, even?
What if someone follows my example, goes out, has public sex, and, worse than getting caught, they catch the virus? Or give it to someone else?
When they say that “words can kill”, I’m not sure this is what they meant. But…fuuuuck!
So far, the article has at least three disclaimers, and I haven’t even made it past the intro.
“I know this isn’t really the time, but…”
“I should be talking about something else, but…”
“This thing will end, eventually, and we have to have something to look forward too, right?…”
Etc…
I would end the article with further disclaimers:
“Don’t do this at home!”
Scrap that.
“Do it at home. Nowhere else. Not yet. Not until it’s safe.”
I’d continue with some silly tips:
“Practice at home first. Make your home into a pretend-public place, like a spa. Order inflatable dolls and pretend they’re people watching you, or DIY some pretend-people from stuff you find at home. Pretend that your dog is a human watching you. (WTF, Ena??? You trippin’!)”
“Try having sex in front of the window where the neighbor can see you?”
Seriously, who am I kidding?!? I’d never take any of these stupid suggestions myself.
“Just watch Netflix and fuck on the couch instead, ok? Or better yet, just cuddle.”
Besides, people are sick. Many are dying. Some have had sex for the last time due to this mess. How does one give sex tips for the future when someone doesn’t even have one?
How dare I?
Let’s move on to another article. Let’s talk about narcissism.
I recently celebrated three years since I left an abusive relationship and I’ve done some serious self-healing. I’d love to share and hopefully help others in similar situations.
But, who cares?
Why would anyone care about getting out of, healing from and blossoming after verbal abuse in times like this?
Don’t I realize that people have it worse right now? There are bigger fish to fry, goddamnit!
Many are quarantined at home; trapped in the midst of abusive relationships that they can’t get out of even if they wanted to, and I want to talk about getting out and even blossoming?
The nerve!
We’re in the middle of a global actual health crisis. Who the hell cares about mental health?
So then, what?
Words feel superfluous right now and the imposter tells me that I should just shut up for the time being—or indefinitely if they got their way.
Below are a few highlights from my drafts-folder.
I’m reaching out and asking for your kind assistance. If any of this looks tempting to you or sounds like something you’d read, I hereby take votes (or highlights):
A list of apocalypse and isolation related films | After re-watching the Shining, I decided that I can’t do anything but comedies right now. And truthfully, I’m no film critic. Actually, scrap this!
What I learned from a BDSM needle-play workshop | My boyfriend and I went to a workshop, then ordered 400 single-use needles to experiment at home during the isolation. Thing is, we also got our hands on some nice weed, and over-eager, we combined the two, even though the workshop specifically told us not to. Now, the whole evening is a blur, and I have to wait to finish the article until we’ve made a second (sober) attempt.
What it’s like to go on first dates with people who’ve already seen me naked online | I date on Fetlife. There are nudes. Explicit ones. I’m sharing my thoughts on how it feels to meet people for first dates when they’ve already seen it all. Spoiler alert: It’s a lot less awkward than you might imagine.
“You’re boobs just got bigger, your period must be coming soon!” | Why I love that my boyfriend pays attention to my menstrual cycle, and other cool mature stuff he does that I like.
Wild garlic pesto recipe | Because the Coronapocalypse has made me make all kinds of stuff from scratch and turned me into a fermenting, magic-mushroom growing, pesto-making hippie—and everything else feels frivolous, so why not become a recipe writer. Or not…
A mushroom trip | See above. We grew mushrooms, tried them, had (lots of) sex on them. I spoke with aliens and merged with the entire universe. I’m still digesting this experience. Gimme some time.
Something about unicorns | I really want to join 🦄 Chris Hedges’s unicorn team. To me, a unicorn is a third in a threesome. Can I write about that or are orgies off the table right now?
Reading my daughter to bed while wearing my sex-party outfit under my sweatpants | This sounds awfully inappropriate, I know… But, I’ve written about the Madonna-Whore dichotomy before and, I’m passionate about talking about what it’s like to be a mother and a sexual being at the same time.
There’s a lot more there and I could go on. Besides, there’s a handful of half-done poems from Xavier Van Holde’s poetry salvage prompts that I’m dying to finish.
I guess I shouldn’t be using terms like that right now, should I?
Basically, my cup runneth over. And my cup is sealed shut. Help!
Disclaimer: I think I probably may have said some things that I shouldn’t have.
Currently shacked up with her (soon) five-year-old daughter, Ella, and her boyfriend of ten months, Jay, Ena Dahl reports regularly from their day-to-day lives in self-quarantine on the South East side of Berlin.
The Corona Chronicles will feature a collection of updates, poems, ponderings, short articles, and other literary pieces from these times while all three of them share a home for the first time.
