How Do I Know It’s You?

Finding ourselves within the chaos

Before Follower To Follower, just after I finally gave in and created The Accidental Monster, I had a moment of clarity.

Fueled by intense meditation, anxiety, and other elements I’d rather leave to the imagination, I made contact with that higher Self within; an interaction with ‘divinity’ and complete balance.

The tranquility of the experience defined it; for those of you that haven’t yet had such a moment, they are distinctive. There’s no question within that experience that it is a special moment; though later, one might easily wonder whether it were real or delusion.

During that heady experience, I wrote most of this. Only recently have I fleshed it out, doing as little as possible to retain the purity of that experience (but also making it readable).

I did not edit out the swearing- so be warned, there's quite a lot of it.

Enjoy the journey of reading.

Breathe.

It was there a moment ago, what was it? A flicker, a spark, blinking in and out of spacetime.

In a flash, it’s gone. A puff of smoke, leaving you with the sense that you touched something beautiful, something perfect, for an eternal instant. Some ethereal presence had connected with you, only to disappear.

Although sometimes…

Yes. Sometimes it whispers ever clearer as you focus. It grows around you, creeping along the boundaries of your heart and mind, encouraging you to push further.

What is that voice, that part of ourselves that is guiding us right now?

Deceptions of Happiness

It’s clear sometimes that the voice is purely selfish; it wants that extra piece of cake, that ten more minutes, that one last drag. It doesn’t want to do the hard thing, the boring thing, the right thing. It wants to be happy.

But, isn’t happiness good?

We’re all trying to find happiness, but few actually consider what that would mean. What IS happiness, and how can one find it?

And what do the voices in our heads have to do with anything?

Following every impulse isn’t a great idea, and yet the truest path to our happiness can only be heard through our wants and whims. Oh boy, how difficult does this need to be?

Isn’t living hard enough without having this complicated obstacle in the way?

The Nagging Voice

There is a voice inside me. I bet you have one, too, albeit maybe not quite as annoying as mine is. They’re very persistent.

This voice nags at me, but it’s not the only one. I’ve got plenty of nagging voices:

~Meh, do the dishes and laundry like a functional adult. ~You’ve got to stop fucking around and make some money already. ~Take time for yourself, exercise, meditate and do some self-care. ~Eat more! Play more! Have fun more! ~You’re not being a good lover, you should work on that. ~and on…and on…

I know it’s not just me. Still feels suffocating sometimes, as if I’m all alone stuck inside an auditorium with a panel of hundreds of people screaming for control over the meat puppet I pilot.

Which fucking voice is real? Which one gets me somewhere good, somewhere… dare I say, happy?

One voice in there is very different from all the rest. It shines. It has its own vibe, exists on a higher frequency than all the others. It doesn’t yell, plead, or charm (though it may insist quite heavily).

That voice tells us what to do in a solid, unbreaking tone.

That’s You.

How To Find You

To get to “happy,” we have to understand who we are. Who is “You?” Or “Me?” And why would I follow that voice above the rest?

Well, to be honest you shouldn’t rely on that voice all the time. It’s often sleeping or away. We don’t need to follow purpose every single second of every single day — even if that’s the goal, You are out of practice.

You have to build a relationship with You.

And that means learning about all the other voices, too. Get to know your thought neighbors, because otherwise it’ll be really hard trying to hear You.

They’re the quiet type.

The better we understand the other voices, the more clearly we can determine whether we’re listening to You, or if it’s “someone” else.

Different Voices Inside

We all have a host of voices within. Each of them play a part, and have their place. Learning what that place is can be a bit difficult.

Doubt/Fear

Always running, worried about something. The energy is volatile, nervous and urgent. Everything is life or death — and there’s always a consequence too great to ignore.

“You” are steady and bold. There is no rush, because your pace is exactly the right speed.

Love

“You” often pairs with love, and yet there’s a distinct line between the two. It becomes important when other voices speak out with it, like Duty, Fear, or Shame.

Following Love is always forgiven by You. While it may be separate, it still leads us along a similar (and often complementary) path.

Duty

The pressure of obligation bears down hard on its own. When Love or Shame accompany it, the weight is transformed into prideful Reverence or Fear. Duty can stir the whole pot of voices into a frenzy, making it difficult to listen to the Self at all.

The only remedy to duty is letting go. Release the pressure when possible, and minimize necessary duties to the bare minimum. Use the time between obligations to see things in a clearer light.

Shame

This includes guilt, self-hatred, and other similar thoughts. It

When I’m feeling self-hateful, and thinking terrible thoughts:

• How could I do this? I’m such a bad (insert thing here), I don’t deserve (insert other thing here).

But that’s not how it would talk to me. That’s not the voice. That’s not You.

The voice is godlike and poised. It feels love for me, knows who I am, and what I am capable of. It is understanding and kind, not angry and spiteful. That’s not a “You” I would want to follow anyway.

Maintenance

Though this voice isn’t “You,” it is often more important to listen to. Separate this voice only to understand when to put You on hold; it will always be there when Maintenance is satisfied.

Reverence

Just as there is a part of us that seeks to control things, there is also a voice that wants nothing more than to submit to the gods in exchange for creature comforts.

This voice is tricky, because it seems like it’s the road to happiness.

Unfortunately, at best it becomes a road to comfort. In excess, it lends itself to sloth, self-righteousness, and ignorance.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable, but there are times when that desire gets in the way. Maybe it’s holding us back from greater things, or perhaps it isn’t taking others into account.

The path to You fits in with the world, rather than steps on it. That voice carries empathy and kindness to all things, including the darkest parts of ourselves. Why would it wish us to be indifferent to others? To ourselves?

Everyone has "voices," and yet not everyone can personify them the way I do. Others still have voices that went on to fracture into distinctly separate beings within their unified form. The unification of these voices is a spectrum; if you feel whole, then you've done better at unifying than I have.

Still, being able to address and bear witness to the panel of voices in my mind as characters in a courtroom has given me perspectives that I could not find otherwise. For that, I am grateful for my partially fractured psyche.

Since writing this, "the voice" that I refer to as "You" inspired F2F, Monster Alley, and The Evergreen Directory, and continues to be a guiding force in my life. I'd like to think it's leading me to good places; I've been so fortunate to help so many people in such a short time.

But it's hard to say. Everything is still beginning.

At the end of the day, I can only choose to trust that voice. Knowing that it has the power to bring me to absolute peace, if only for a moment, helps me feel confident in its direction.

Let me know if you have experienced similar "voices" within, and if so, how did trusting it affect your life?

Or, perhaps, do you believe it to be irresponsible to trust it?

Hmm...

Until next time, follow each other, follow the dopamine, and follow yourself, always!

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