Writing — Mental Health & Inspiration

My Quest to Find Joy and Purpose While Feeling Disconnected

On focus and dedication

We all go through times when life just seems to become rather dreary and lifeless.

Sometimes living can get to feeling so regimented, or maybe like we’ve steered our car into a ditch and now we’re sitting there, sniffling and frustrated while wondering how the heck to get out of the ditch.

Sound familiar? Been feeling this way lately myself.

Where are these feelings coming from and why? I ask. What is going on?

Sometimes in life the choices we need to make become a bit cloudy and confused, and we need to spend a little time figuring out how to clear away the clouds and sort out the confusion.

So how do I figure out what’s going on with me?

Focus

At certain times, we just need to stop and focus.

Focus first on everything that is going right in life and all the things we have to feel blessed about is the best place to begin. Always is.

For instance, in my case I live on a majestic and beguiling Caribbean Island. All my basic needs are taken care of and I have a husband who loves me. Neither of us are perfect by any means, but we do the best we can.

So, why do I still feel so lackluster about things then?

This is the thing I need to focus on next.

I don’t always feel like I have a very productive life. This is it in a nutshell I believe. What do I have to offer the world?

Do we need to offer something to the world? What is this drive and where does it come from?

The answer is, yes. We do need to offer the world something. If we have been blessed, then we really have no choice. Don’t you think?

We have to pay it forward. We have to look outside ourselves and see how we can serve other people.

Self-serving behavior is ultimately not all that fulfilling, is it? It’s when we learn to give to and support other people, and not always expect something back in return, that ultimate fulfillment is achieved.

Fake it ‘til ya make it.

Sure, we may have to force ourselves at first, but we have to do it! Once we start and get used to the process, we won’t have to feel forced anymore. It will just feel natural.

Dedication to Being a Servant

So, the next question I need to pose is a truly difficult one. How can I spend a significant amount of time serving others and thus stop dwelling on myself and all my pesky stupid problems so much?

Yes, this is the heart of it. Stop being so dang self-centered, for crying out loud!

In a small way, I do try to make a difference in people’s lives by reading and honestly engaging with as many people and their stories as I possibly can here on Medium and in my two pubs Globetrotters and In Living Color.

I like to think I make a difference by clapping and commenting on what I particularly enjoyed reading. I love it when writers go that extra mile to make a story captivating and compelling. Furthermore, I often boost people’s stories via curated story lists both here and on Mastodon and encourage people to read and engage themselves.

Is this enough? It doesn’t feel like much, although hopefully it matters greatly to all those writers and storytellers I encourage and boost who bravely offer their words to the world here on this platform. It’s not always easy to put yourself out there.

I feel like I need to do more though.

More for my daughter, for one thing, who has had a lot to deal with in life.

We haven’t always had the best relationship and it gets me down a lot. I blame myself completely and all the terrible demons I haven’t always dealt with properly in life.

Can’t ever stop trying to make things better though. I feel like that’s my responsibility as a parent. I have to keep trying and find joy in the process. After all, God blessed me with a daughter and caring about the well-being of our children doesn’t stop at age 18 (she’s 28 now!)

Am I trying hard enough?

Been thinking I need to reach out more within my surrounding community as well and find ways to help other people.

I always say this but then my own social anxiety gets in the way! I don’t always feel comfortable talking to people for one reason or another. People either seem totally intimidating or, ashamed to admit, I meet people I don’t like and end up feeling trapped by their ridiculousness.

Oh bother… just being honest here… but it sounds so selfish and kinda disgusting, doesn’t it? Yeah, I need to get beyond my own personal stupid hang-ups.

Focusing on helping others and stopping all the self-centeredness sounds like the key to finding joy again. It really does!

Now, I just need to muster the grit and stamina needed to do it!

Closing Thoughts

As Dick Van Dyke wrote in his book Keep Moving, there are two things we need to have in life if we want to be happy — we need someone to love and a life’s purpose that brings us joy.

Joyce Meyer as well, who is quite the motivational speaker, has said without a life’s purpose we will surely succumb to depression and that we should strive to step outside of ourselves whenever we can to make others happy as much as possible.

Sounds good to me. Oh, God and the universe above, please help me muster the strength to meet and exceed in this life purpose. Amen!

Speaking of shifting focus… here’s a little photo experiment. I was playing around with perspective and focus on my iPhone camera while on the bus between Idaho and Utah earlier this month. What a completely different photo it makes just by shifting the focus!

Feeling pumped up by this song…

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