Summary

The article argues that in a family considering homeschooling, the decision should be mutually respected and not require one partner, typically the mother, to convince the other, usually the father, of its validity.

Abstract

The "HOMESCHOOLING FAQ" article addresses a common scenario where a mother, who is typically the primary caregiver and decision-maker regarding the children, faces resistance from the father when proposing homeschooling. The author emphasizes that the mother's extensive research and expertise in child-rearing should be acknowledged and respected, and that the father should not automatically have the final say without comparable research. The article challenges the patriarchal dynamic that often undermines the mother's knowledge and decision-making authority. It calls for mutual respect and support in child-rearing decisions, suggesting that fathers should educate themselves on homeschooling rather than dismiss it out of fear or lack of understanding. The author asserts that the primary goal of homeschooling parents is to encourage and support their children's learning and each other.

Opinions

The author believes that the mother's extensive research into homeschooling should be recognized as valid expertise, equivalent to the father's professional expertise in his field.
The article criticizes the double standard where the father, who has previously deferred to the mother's judgment in child-rearing, suddenly questions her capability to make educational decisions.
It is highlighted that brick-and-mortar schools do not guarantee successful outcomes in education, mental health, social skills, or accommodation of diverse learning needs.
The author argues that no adult should have to convince their partner of their professional knowledge and that mutual respect is fundamental in a healthy relationship.
Fathers are encouraged to confront their fears about homeschooling by educating themselves and to trust and support the mother's decisions.
The article suggests that the father's role in the homeschooling decision should be to facilitate and support the mother's efforts, rather than to obstruct them.
The author invites readers to engage in the conversation, sharing their thoughts on the topic, indicating a recognition of the contentious nature of the subject.

HOMESCHOOLING FAQ

How do I Convince My Husband/Partner that Homeschooling is Best for Our Child?

You don’t. They have to convince you that a brick-and-mortar school is best.

Most of the time when the “How do I convince my partner/husband/the children’s dad that homeschooling is a valid and better option? question comes up, it is a woman (the mum) trying to convince a man (the dad). So that’s how I’m going to frame this response.

Another key factor that is often part of this scenario is the mum has the position of being the hands-on parent, the primary parent, and the one who makes 99% of the child-rearing decisions. Most of the time, up until the children’s education pathway came into question, the dad was happy to leave the majority of the decision-making to the mum.

But now that we’re talking education decisions that aren’t mainstream (yet), Mum isn’t qualified to make the decisions and Dad gets the final say?

Most of the time, Mum has done literally hours and hours and hours of research through conversations, books, blogs, YT channels, films, and podcasts. This is not an off-the-cuff option she is throwing out for grins and giggles.

She formulated a hypothesis (Homeschooling may be a better option.), researched it, and drew a conclusion that needs to be tested and verified or rejected. Why does she, a full-grown woman, need a man’s permission to test a hypothesis based on extensive research in her field of expertise (child-rearing)?

Does she question the way the husband does his job? his expertise?

But they’re his children too!

Yes they are. And we’ve already established he happily turned over the majority of their care and upbringing to their mother. Again, why does he now get the final say? How many hours of research has he done on homeschooling or even brick-and-mortar school outcomes?

Are brick-and-mortar schools turning out 100% of their students with no gaps in their education? (Don’t adults often learn things they need and want to know all on their own, motivated by their own interests?)

Are brick-and-mortar schools turning out 100% of their students to go on to live happy, successful, productive lives? (Mental health and divorce statistics would say no.)

Are brick-and-mortar schools actually imprinting healthy social skills onto their students? (Bullying statistics would say no.)

Are brick-and-mortar schools equipped to accommodate the wide range of neurodivergent students effectively? (No.)

Are brick-and-mortar schools equipped to accommodate the wide range of neurotypical students effectively? (No.)

Are brick-and-mortar students provided with a space to dive deeply into topics that spark a deep interest? to develop skills that interest them? to play imaginative games in multi-age groups of children? to develop friendships and mentorships with the adults that are around them? (No, no, no, and no.)

No adult who is an expert in their field should have to CONVINCE their partner that their knowledge is valid and will stand on its own.

In a mutually agreed upon arrangement of child-rearing where one parent is the primary carer and the other is the primary provider, each parent shall not undermine the expertise of the other. But instead, they shall encourage and support each other’s decisions enthusiastically. That is the basis of a healthy relationship built on mutual respect.

The fact that so many of these women are being browbeaten by their husbands for taking a stand on their children’s behalf screams the systematic patriarchy that exists in modern homes.

Mums, you do not have to convince your husbands that what you know to be true is true. It is up to them to prove you wrong. And if they’re not willing to do the research themselves, that’s on them. Not you.

Dads, you either trust your children’s mum, your partner, or you don’t. But you cannot have it both ways. Lead or get out of the way.

If the idea of homeschooling frightens you, unpack that. Why does it frighten you? We conquer fears through knowledge. Face your fears and educate yourself. Make your partner’s job easier by believing in her and supporting her.

Homeschooling parents’ number one job is to encourage, support, and facilitate their children’s learning.

Homeschooling parents’ other number one job is to encourage and support each other.

What are your thoughts, reader? Do you agree? disagree? Have I touched a sore spot? Please do share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s keep this conversation going.

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