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Abstract

will get twice the result with half the effort.But what needs to be reminded is that girls should hurry up, because men can easily sleep like a dead pig after making love.2. Sharp criticism can easily sow the seeds of anger.An early warning sign that a marriage is in crisis is sharp criticism. In a healthy relationship, both men and women can express complaints freely, but in angry situations, complaints can be expressed in destructive ways. The damage caused by criticism full of contempt is even more devastating. When you are angry, your emotions and words are directed at people instead of things, which often manifests as an insult to the personality of others.As the quarrel escalates and the problem remains unresolved, both parties have seeds of anger left in their minds. This seed lurks in the heart and triggers unconscious spontaneous behavior. People with seeds of anger will have self-fulfilling prophecies, judging from the actions of the other party. In language, demeanor, behavior, and dealing with things, we constantly look for clues to prove that the other party is wrong, that we are right, that the other party is causing harm to us, and we unconsciously ignore the friendly behavior of the other party. So the party that was hurt before started to make things out of thin air, and regarded some neutral behaviors as harmful behaviors. Finally, the emotions exploded, and it ended with no party winning.3. Overflowing emotions can easily lead to hostilityAfter losing control of their emotions, it is difficult for individuals to recover from the hurt and anger in a short period of time. This phenomenon is called flooding. People in a flooded state are unable to listen properly and respond clearly. In order not to be affected by overflowing emotions, men will respond negatively to women’s words. But at this time, the man’s desire for negative coping is the same as his wife’s desire for emotional confrontation. The two parties who are unable to put themselves in perspective will erupt into a more intense state of hostility.<h1 id="9b89">2. Men and women have different ways of thinking, so quarrels should be targeted.</h1>Carol Gilligan, a psychologist at Harvard University, suggested that the main difference between the sexes is that boys pride themselves on being independent, while girls are content with being part of a network of relationships. So for men, the most important factor in mar

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ital satisfaction is my ability to support the entire family; for women, it is “good communication” between the couple.Ted L. Huston, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, also believes: “For wives, intimacy means talking about things, especially talking about the relationship itself.” But unfortunately, men It is always difficult to understand this kind of emotional expectation from his wife — “I want to do things with her, but she always keeps talking.” Men will feel that planting flowers together as a couple can enhance their relationship more than talking endlessly. .Because of different ways of thinking, two people in an intimate relationship view and deal with problems in different ways.Men need to understand that a woman is emotional only to express her needs, because women like to enhance feelings through communication. Then a man needs to be a quiet listener. It’s important for a woman to feel like he’s willing to listen to her complaints and empathize with her.Women need to understand: You generally don’t mind feeling unhappy in a quarrel, so you will always actively seek out intense emotional conflicts, but men will instinctively avoid conflicts. Therefore, women should pay more attention to men’s feelings. Criticism is allowed, but criticism that is insulting and contemptuous should be avoided.Both parties need to understand: When a man passively avoids a woman’s emotional conflict, the woman must control her emotions. The man’s avoidance is a signal that your aggressive words may have hurt his self-esteem. At this time, it is best for the woman to stop immediately, give both parties a time to calm down, and then muster up the courage to apologize after the emotions have calmed down. This way the man will feel that the woman is considerate.If it is difficult for both men and women to control their emotions when a conflict occurs, then both parties are allowed to speak for 5 minutes without being interrupted by the other party, to listen and talk non-defensively, and to state their inner views to each other. This method is very effective. After the quarrel is over, both men and women can try to reflect on each other’s perspective. This process will allow both parties to gain more understanding and consideration.Allow me to repeat this over and over again: When a couple quarrels, it should be about things, not the personality of the other person.</article></body>

How Do Couples Quarrel Without Hurting Their Feelings?

Finally, we got together with the person we loved, but after the sweet period, we always had constant quarrels, the problems were not resolved, and the two started to have a cold war again. Sometimes I really wonder, why do we always quarrel, or is it because he is not a good match for me in the first place.

1. When we quarrel, what are we quarreling about?

Conflicts inevitably occur in every intimate relationship, but we neglect that when we quarrel, are we angry about the thing we are quarreling about, the other person, or ourselves?

1. Quarrel is a way of expressing demands.

In the relationship between the sexes, quarrels are mostly a channel of communication. Both parties use quarrels to express their needs and emotions. In fact, it’s subtext is more about seeking attention and comfort.

If the problem can be resolved after an argument, it will effectively promote intimacy and bring more excitement to life. But if the quarrel finally turns from the demand for “expression” to “confrontation and attack”, it will bring a catastrophic crisis to the intimate relationship. Therefore, we must follow the principle of not treating the person personally. Arguing rationally can solve problems that each other has been unwilling to face and make the intimate relationship more harmonious.

An interesting study shows that couples who resolve an argument experience more satisfaction during subsequent sex. Survey statistics show that 41% of men will express their love to women with practical actions after an argument with their partner. This kind of interaction can eliminate conflicts caused by trivial matters, but it can only alleviate the symptoms of principled conflicts, and it will become increasingly ineffective (diminishing marginal utility).

Smart women will choose to discuss similar principled issues with men after having sex instead of before, because after the clouds have cleared, both parties can confirm that the other party loves them. Discussing issues under this premise will get twice the result with half the effort.

But what needs to be reminded is that girls should hurry up, because men can easily sleep like a dead pig after making love.

2. Sharp criticism can easily sow the seeds of anger.

An early warning sign that a marriage is in crisis is sharp criticism. In a healthy relationship, both men and women can express complaints freely, but in angry situations, complaints can be expressed in destructive ways. The damage caused by criticism full of contempt is even more devastating. When you are angry, your emotions and words are directed at people instead of things, which often manifests as an insult to the personality of others.

As the quarrel escalates and the problem remains unresolved, both parties have seeds of anger left in their minds. This seed lurks in the heart and triggers unconscious spontaneous behavior. People with seeds of anger will have self-fulfilling prophecies, judging from the actions of the other party. In language, demeanor, behavior, and dealing with things, we constantly look for clues to prove that the other party is wrong, that we are right, that the other party is causing harm to us, and we unconsciously ignore the friendly behavior of the other party. So the party that was hurt before started to make things out of thin air, and regarded some neutral behaviors as harmful behaviors. Finally, the emotions exploded, and it ended with no party winning.

3. Overflowing emotions can easily lead to hostility

After losing control of their emotions, it is difficult for individuals to recover from the hurt and anger in a short period of time. This phenomenon is called flooding. People in a flooded state are unable to listen properly and respond clearly. In order not to be affected by overflowing emotions, men will respond negatively to women’s words. But at this time, the man’s desire for negative coping is the same as his wife’s desire for emotional confrontation. The two parties who are unable to put themselves in perspective will erupt into a more intense state of hostility.

2. Men and women have different ways of thinking, so quarrels should be targeted.

Carol Gilligan, a psychologist at Harvard University, suggested that the main difference between the sexes is that boys pride themselves on being independent, while girls are content with being part of a network of relationships. So for men, the most important factor in marital satisfaction is my ability to support the entire family; for women, it is “good communication” between the couple.

Ted L. Huston, a psychologist at the University of Texas at Austin, also believes: “For wives, intimacy means talking about things, especially talking about the relationship itself.” But unfortunately, men It is always difficult to understand this kind of emotional expectation from his wife — “I want to do things with her, but she always keeps talking.” Men will feel that planting flowers together as a couple can enhance their relationship more than talking endlessly. .

Because of different ways of thinking, two people in an intimate relationship view and deal with problems in different ways.

Men need to understand that a woman is emotional only to express her needs, because women like to enhance feelings through communication. Then a man needs to be a quiet listener. It’s important for a woman to feel like he’s willing to listen to her complaints and empathize with her.

Women need to understand: You generally don’t mind feeling unhappy in a quarrel, so you will always actively seek out intense emotional conflicts, but men will instinctively avoid conflicts. Therefore, women should pay more attention to men’s feelings. Criticism is allowed, but criticism that is insulting and contemptuous should be avoided.

Both parties need to understand: When a man passively avoids a woman’s emotional conflict, the woman must control her emotions. The man’s avoidance is a signal that your aggressive words may have hurt his self-esteem. At this time, it is best for the woman to stop immediately, give both parties a time to calm down, and then muster up the courage to apologize after the emotions have calmed down. This way the man will feel that the woman is considerate.

If it is difficult for both men and women to control their emotions when a conflict occurs, then both parties are allowed to speak for 5 minutes without being interrupted by the other party, to listen and talk non-defensively, and to state their inner views to each other. This method is very effective. After the quarrel is over, both men and women can try to reflect on each other’s perspective. This process will allow both parties to gain more understanding and consideration.

Allow me to repeat this over and over again: When a couple quarrels, it should be about things, not the personality of the other person.