How Dating an American Has Influenced My Italian Values
For better or for worse, it shaped the person I am today
Over the past five years, that is, since I began dating my American partner and spent a significant amount of time in the United States, I’ve absorbed American influence like a sponge.
If my past self were to meet my current self, she would probably ask in a snobbish tone, “Who the heck are you?”
While it’s true that all travels and cross-cultural experiences have the potential to change us, the encounter with American culture, omnipresent in our day-to-day lives (from the movies we watch to the news we hear and the apps we use), initially misled me into thinking I was almost familiar with it.
However, American culture later shocked and challenged me due to its stark contrast from my own Italian culture.
Let’s dive in!
Scarcity vs. You-Can-Do-It Mindset
Growing up as an Italian, (though many Southern Europeans would relate to this), I was shaped by a scarcity mindset.
In Italy, scarcity is ingrained in us, much like eating pasta for lunch.
For the majority, security is the ultimate goal, and many decisions, whether in business or life, are fear-driven.
When I initially met my partner, my confidence in my background, skills, and education was at a low point. I believed that nothing I had accomplished thus far mattered, a clear sign of a scarcity mindset.
After years of exposure to American attitudes (and frequent cultural clashes and misunderstandings), I’ve undergone a transformative shift in perspective.
I now feel more empowered and capable of achieving my goals, which has had positive ripple effects on my accomplishments.
Overall, it’s uncertain whether being more humble about achievements is a European characteristic or if believing in oneself is a prominent trait of being American (perhaps the second one). Generally, in Europe, people seldom discuss their achievements with the emphasis that is prevalent in American culture.
Nowadays, I see benefits in both traits.
The 6-Figure Obsession
Recently, I experienced a phase of self-disappointment and low self-esteem.
Despite my hard work, I consistently felt behind.
Reflecting on the content I consumed during those months, I realized that my dissatisfaction with my achievements was closely tied to the standards by which I was judging them.
In my case, I had immersed myself in American-centric content fixated on “6-figures” discussions.
The constant exposure to it made me feel like a failure, as if my efforts were never enough.
While the “standard American grindset” can be motivating, it was undermining my ability to appreciate the present and be content with what I had.
As a result, it’s crucial to remind myself that this mindset is embedded in a specific cultural context, one with the highest salaries in the world, to which I don’t yet fully belong as a non-American citizen. The financial goals deemed standard in the US are incredibly hard to match in Europe.
Zooming out, I feel like the Italian perspective is often a bit healthier than the American one and heavily reliant on health and enjoyment of life as the main focus of your life.
Overall, I don’t mind having adopted the American mindset, but I definitely need to keep it at bay.
Formality vs. Informality
In the professional realm, the contrast between formality in Italy and Europe versus informality in the United States is striking.
While European workplaces often uphold a more formal and hierarchical structure, the American work culture tends to embrace informality.
This informality, often characterized by first-name basis interactions, fosters a collaborative and open environment, breaking down traditional barriers between hierarchical levels. It encourages employees to express their ideas freely and engage in open dialogue with superiors, fostering innovation and teamwork.
This is an aspect I prefer about the US as compared to Italy.
Have you adopted aspects or traits of a different culture? Which aspects were you happy to integrate and which made you feel uncomfortable?