How Conflict Fuels Personal Growth

Transforming conflict into stepping stones

“To walk down the same old path and find a new stone is to open your mind.” - Jay Shetty

Have you ever felt stuck on a treadmill and dealing with the same daily conflicts?

Every great story has a common element: conflict.

And literature and movies would be boring without it.

Conflict adds interest.

Whether it’s the hero against the villain or the main character fighting injustice, the most compelling stories revolve around conflict.

Just as conflict allows our favorite characters to evolve, it also allows teams to evolve.

A healthy approach to conflict can inspire creativity.

It creates clarity, restores trust, and promotes self-confidence.

The result is a stronger, more successful team.

Managers often worry about conflict in their teams.

They are afraid that any sign of trouble will affect performance.

A typical reaction to conflict is to ignore it.

Avoid getting to the problem’s root and hoping it will somehow go away.

The Harward Business Review MBA program refers to these teams as “cappuccino teams.”

Every time a conflict arises, a coffee break is taken, presumably in the hope that this will restore harmony.

This may be a nice way of dealing with conflict, but it could be more effective.

Instead, managers need to know how to build teams that can express opposing views and take advantage of diversity.

The attention problem

Many of us have an attention problem.

We need to remember how to pay attention to the reality of our experiences.

We often don’t take in all the available information when conflicts arise.

Our understanding narrows.

Suddenly, the options for effective conflict resolution are limited.

While reading the book “Think Like a Monk,” I came across some important insights.

I was fascinated by Shetty’s journey from a business student in London to a three-year stay in an ashram.

He breaks down happiness into three paths: learning, progressing, and achieving.

These are pretty solid ways to become a maestro of conflict management.

Keep learning from others and your experiences.

Recognize progress (no matter how small).

And continue to refine your conflict resolution skills.

Celebrate your successes, big or small, and watch your conflict behavior improve.

Transforming conflict

Our frustrations can be a blessing because they poke us on to grow and develop.

Conflicts aren’t only a cause of suffering.

It’s an opportunity to learn, grow and develop.

Most of us don’t see it that way.

We see conflict as a nuisance.

A hurdle that we wish would disappear.

There are ways to turn this suffering into something positive.

Imagine you regularly ask yourself,

“How would a monk feel about this?”

This forces you to change your perspective.

It forces us to be more mindful of our situations.

Applying monk’s perspective to conflict resolution

Let’s talk about intentionality.

Shetty suggests making the whole day intentional.

When you leave the house, you’re inevitably confronted with balls.

You need the energy and focus you cultivated in the morning.

Monks don’t just have morning and evening routines.

They incorporate routines into every moment of the day.

Have you ever heard of Sister Joan Chittister?

She’s a Benedictine nun.

She believes that people who live in cities and suburbs, just like those who live in monasteries, can decide how they want to live.

Imagine how much peace we’d have if we had a daily routine comparable to a monk’s.

Routines root us, they support us.

They lighten the cognitive load and create space for creativity.

Visualization techniques for daily intentions

Let us now try out a practical exercise.

You wake up healthy, rested, and full of energy.

Sunlight streams through your windows.

When your feet touch the ground, you feel gratitude for another day.

You brush your teeth, take your time, and are mindful.

The shower brings calm, balance, serenity, and stillness.

You have set yourself goals for the day: concentration, discipline, and service.

Imagine your morning realistically and build in some exercise or meditation.

Feel it, believe it, welcome it into your life.

Imagine continuing the day as your best self.

Inspiring, leading, guiding, learning, and being open to others.

Imagine coming home tired but happy.

You’re grateful for what you have.

Instead of mindlessly scrolling on your phone, you spend the evening wisely.

When you go to bed, you express your gratitude for the day and thank every part of your body.

This visualization isn’t about changing your life.

It’s about changing how you see it.

Balancing routine

Life messes up your plans.

Tomorrow won’t go as you had imagined.

But that’s not the point.

Visualization changes your view of life.

It’s a tool for realigning yourself when things are out of balance.

It’s about finding the balance between routine and the new.

Monks understand this.

They understand that routine frees the mind, but monotony threatens this freedom.

Routine provides structure.

Kobe Bryant once said:

“Creativity comes from structure.”

Rules and routines ease our cognitive load and give us the bandwidth for creativity.

Structure promotes spontaneity, and discoveries enliven routine.

Finding delight in small things

Have you ever noticed that we often anticipate the big events in life?

Holidays, promotions, birthdays, and putting them under immense pressure?

Shetty is on the right track here,

“Look for small pleasures.”

They don’t have to wait for a special occasion.

They’re waiting for you every day if you take the time to notice them.

Jay says I experienced this first-hand during a daily walk in the ashram.

They walked the same path every day but were challenged to find something new each time.

It reminds us to focus on the essentials.

Feel the freshness in the routines, and be attentive.

Discovering something is different from noticing it.

Our brain doesn’t go on autopilot when we notice what’s around us.

At the ashram, this practice became a way of life for Jay.

It’s a reminder to appreciate routine while remaining open to discovery.

Final thoughts

Conflict isn’t just an obstacle but a stepping stone for growth.

Ask yourself: “How would a monk feel about this?”

Create your day consciously.

Imagine your best self, and rejoice in the little things.

Maintain a balance between routine and novelty.

Remember to appreciate the familiar while remaining open to discovery.

The journey of life is unpredictable.

Armed with ancient wisdom, you’ll find the strength to walk the same old path.

Open your mind and discover new stones along the way.

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