How Competing With Myself Helped Build Self-Confidence and Success in Life

Throughout my life, I often found that I was constantly pushing myself. I now realize that this self-inflicted pressure wasn’t because I was always competing with other people. In sports, of course, the answer is yes; I most certainly was competing with the girl in the lane next to me on the track. But, when it came to the classroom and later my office environment, I was my biggest rival.

I can honestly tell you that this mindset served me pretty well throughout most of my life, and gradually helped build a positive sense of self. As a young child, when I first learned about earning grades in school, the score that I always tried to beat was my own.

When I received my first report card (in elementary school) with straight A’s, I knew that school was something that I enjoyed. Secondly, the exhilaration that I felt after each report card period gave me a sort of high. In addition to this intense feeling of goodness, my dad gave me even more incentive by rewarding me with a trip to McDonald’s, where I could get a cheeseburger and a vanilla shake!

Of course, you might be thinking that McDonald’s is no big deal. But back in the ’70s, for a child on welfare, this was a big deal! My family and I never, and I do mean never went out to eat. And it was only because of my grades that my dad rewarded me with this huge treat.

This is how the competition with myself began. Year after year, I strived to do my best. When selected as valedictorian of my junior high school, I realized that there was something to earning a 4.0-grade point average. So, when I arrived in high school, I had two goals — 1) achieve all A’s each year; and 2) earn a spot on the cheerleading team.

Two years later, in my junior year of high school, I had achieved my 2nd goal — I had earned a spot as a varsity cheerleader for my high school. The following year, I was chosen as Captain of the varsity cheerleading squad. As my senior year drew to a close, I had also reached my first goal of earning a 4.0 and becoming the class valedictorian.

How on Earth did I do all of this, especially in high school while working part-time? Besides, my dad had also died two days after my elementary school culmination, so I no longer had him in my life to be my number one cheerleader.

Again, it all goes back to competing with myself. While in college, I followed the same routine. However, it wasn’t until I started working in real estate appraisal for a national lender that I started competing with my peers.

Initially, I began my appraisal career on my traditional path of competing with myself, especially since I was a commissioned employee. The harder I worked to complete more appraisals, the more money I made. However, once I realized the appraisal ranking involved, I decided to step up my game and compete with the guy who was right above me.

I did this for a few years until it hit me that my colleague, whom I was competing with, was actually doing fewer appraisals. He was able to earn more due to the higher earning power of larger, more complex homes. You see, this is when I remembered that I had the winning formula all along. Compete with the number of appraisal charges that I had made last month, not the number that my colleague had earned, because we were in two different appraisal leagues.

Not only was this a good lesson for me at the time, but it was also a confirmation to continue living my life according to my philosophy and standards. This methodology had helped me build self-confidence year after year, so why should I change the game now?

The minute I stepped outside of those parameters, I stopped being my best because I was competing while working with a slate of products different from those of my coworker.

Once I was back on track, competing with myself, my confidence was so strong that I managed to start earning a six-figure income without even trying.

This is exactly how life works. No one else in the world is the same person as you or me, so why on Earth do we compare ourselves to others, only to feel bad about ourselves in the end?

Maybe we find ourselves in this trap because society almost forces it upon us. But based on my past experiences, I believe that the best person for me to be better than today is the person I was yesterday.

Life doesn’t get any simpler than that, but somehow the world shifts our mindset to believe something different. Competing with myself as a kid was the best life-lesson and confidence builder that I could pass on to my adult self.

I encourage you to utilize this type of competition in your own life. And if you have children, I would especially implore you to share this with them as well.

Think about something you did yesterday — whether it was the food you chose to eat, a conversation you had with someone, your activity level, or perhaps the amount of reading or writing that you did. Decide today that you will improve upon that one thing you did yesterday, or maybe even the day before.

It really doesn’t matter when it happened. What matters is that you’ve realized you can be your best when based on your abilities. Comparing yourself to others is like Tiger Woods competing with LeBron James in a free-throw competition. As great as he is at golf, I honestly don’t think Tiger would arise as the victor in that scenario.

So the next time that you find yourself on this maddening path of competing with people who are not you — perhaps it’s someone you’ve been following on Instagram, or a high-school classmate that you’re in contact with through Facebook, please do yourself a favor and stop. You must remember that there is no other person on the planet with an exact match to your deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA) or the same life circumstances — upbringing, family dynamics, worldly experiences, or thoughts in your head.

Learn to compete with yourself, and you’ll start to build the confidence you desire. Live your best life, purely based on becoming a better, more confident you. I can almost promise that you will be glad you did.