Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of parents treating their children with respect, which not only fosters a healthier parent-child relationship but also contributes to the child's understanding and practice of respect in the broader world.

Abstract

The article "How Being Respectful to a Child Makes Parenting Easier" argues that respect should be a fundamental aspect of parenting. It suggests that respecting children, just as one would respect themselves or others, leads to positive outcomes. The author reflects on the common misconception that respect must be earned, especially in the context of intergenerational relationships, and challenges this notion by advocating for unconditional respect towards children. The article highlights the transformative effect of respect on the parent-child dynamic, shifting it from a power struggle to a mutual relationship where the child's needs and desires are acknowledged and valued. The author acknowledges the difficulty in maintaining respectful behavior consistently but insists that the effort is worthwhile. By respecting children's feelings, involving them in decision-making, and modeling respectful behavior, parents can nurture a sense of security and love in their children. The article concludes that respectful parenting not only strengthens the bond between parent and child but also instills in children the value of respect, which is crucial for creating a more compassionate and empathetic society.

Opinions

Respect in parenting is not contingent on the child's actions but is a choice made by the parent to foster a positive relationship.
Respecting a child involves acknowledging their needs, desires, and feelings, even when they conflict with the parent's.
Children are inherently deserving of respect as human beings, and this respect contributes to their sense of security and acceptance.
The author admits to personal failures in consistently respecting their child, illustrating the challenges of parenting with respect.
Respectful interactions with children, such as apologizing for mistakes, complimenting them, and involving them in choices, are crucial for their emotional development.
The article suggests that respectful parenting is a model for children to learn and replicate respect in their interactions with others, which is a much-needed lesson for society.
The author believes that by teaching children respect from an early age, they will grow to respect others, all living creatures, and the planet, contributing to a more respectful world.

How Being Respectful to a Child Makes Parenting Easier

And why the world needs more parents who respect their children

Have you noticed how being respectful to yourself or others brings only good outcomes?

If you respect your body, you don’t eat junk, you do your best to have enough rest, and don’t feel offended by the idea of going out for a brisk walk or a slightly more intense activity.

If you respect your neighbor, you avoid getting into fights, and you might as well count on his help on various occasions.

If someone comes to you upset and ready to argue with you, but you treat him with respect, he will be taken by surprise and tone down his voice.

And the list could go on and on.

Treating a child with respect should have similar positive outcomes

But why, oh, why do we find it so hard to show our children respect more often than not?

I believe it’s because we think that respect needs to be earned.

I know I did. As a teen, every time an elder would threaten me with his walking stick to make me get up and let him sit in my place on a bus, I’d grunt and scoff and tell myself how these ingrateful people think they deserve to be respected just because they’re old.

Little did I know at the time that showing respect isn’t about the other person but yourself.

Then, I became a parent and asked myself how I want to raise my child. Once I came across the notion of babies and toddlers worthy of respect, I started to see how wrong I’ve been.

At first, it felt quite conflicting to accept that my child deserved to be respected. Not because of something he did, but because of how I wanted myself to be for him.

I knew that rather than being in control of my baby, I wanted to be in a relationship with him. It meant I had to respect him, his needs, and his desires, even when all of them were against what I wanted.

I also knew I didn’t want to look at him as an adversary or treat him as such. Sure, many people told me to watch out because the kid will get me, defy me on every occasion, and eventually take control over me. Yet the more I read about children and their mental development stages, the more I realized that what seemed like defiance was my toddler doing his best with what he had and what he was capable of grasping.

Children want to feel loved and secure. They need to connect with us and to feel accepted. They’re human beings, and all human beings crave for this. When we stop treating them as our opponents and see them as the gifts that they are, we find it easier and more natural to respect them.

Of course, I still fail at it more often than I like to admit

Today was one of those days when I didn’t respect my child. He wanted to come to play downstairs and gulp another bread slice on a day when his rotation diet doesn’t include any grains. The poor child doesn’t know much about his food sensitivities and why he needs to wait for another 4 days until he can have wheat bread again.

I should know better. But I snapped. I had a terrible headache and didn’t manage to write anything the entire morning. I dreaded the thought of fighting him over the foods he’s not supposed to eat today. And I desperately wanted him to stop crying.

I wanted to be in control, and I forgot we’re in a relationship where I want to respect his feelings.

He reminded me that every time I choose to be bossy, parenting gets messy.

At one point, I told him that he could cry as much as he wants; we’re not going downstairs. I almost wanted to pat myself on the back, completely satisfied with what I told him and waiting for him to stop.

He started to cry even louder, showing me that I picked the wrong strategy. Eventually, I could hear him saying — while still desperately crying — that It’s hard to stay upstairs all the time!

That was my wake-up moment. I realized that it was, indeed, very hard for him to stay there all day while I was trying to work downstairs. And that I had completely disregarded his feelings, blinded by what I felt.

I didn’t take him downstairs, but I held him tighter and started to whisper into his ear — I know, I know it’s really hard. But I’m here with you, and I’m trying to make things just a little bit better.

He didn’t stop crying immediately, though he turned the volume down a little bit, and I could feel his little body getting a bit loose in my arms.

We were making baby steps towards a more peaceful experience by only showing him that I understand how he feels and I respect his feelings.

How I try to respect my child… most of the time

I see him so small, and I am so big, and I have so many serious and important things that I need to get done. However, instead of doing those things to him, I do my best to do it with him.

I also try to be honest. When I do something wrong, which is more often than I like to admit, I tell him that I was wrong and he was right, and I apologize.

I also apologize when I raise my voice and lose my patience with him.

I try to find reasons to compliment him. And don’t embarrass, make fun of him, or insult him. When he makes a mistake, I just state the obvious — oh, you’ve spilled a bit of water here, let me give you a towel to clean it up.

I let him make as many choices as possible. From what we do at certain times of the day to what books we read or what foods he wants to have — from a list of foods included for that day on his rotation diet. When I need to give him pills, I ask him if he’s ready to take them and, if not, I suggest waiting for a few minutes and do it then, which he most often agrees to.

I say “please” and I thank him, I knock on the door before entering the bathroom if he’s there.

I do my best to be present and give him my full attention, putting my phone away and looking into his eyes as he tells me whatever happened to him during the day.

And I don’t make promises I know I cannot keep because I want to keep all my promises to him. I say yes to the things I’m sure we can do, always emphasizing that I respected what I said. I say “we will see what we can do”, or “I’m afraid we cannot do that” if I know the odds are against something he wants.

It’s never as easy as it seems, especially with every day bringing something new on my to-do list, something that he couldn’t care less about.

But it’s a work in progress, where I try to show him that I respect him and show respect in my interactions with others to model his behavior.

I’ve found respect to make our relationship more enjoyable, and I’m surprised to see how receptive he is to showing respect when interacting with me as well.

Why the world needs more respectful parents

I don’t respect my child solely because it makes our relationship grow stronger.

I do it because I firmly believe our world needs people who show respect — towards other people, towards other living creatures, towards our planet of wonders.

“Respecting a child teaches them that even the smallest, most powerless, most vulnerable person is worthy of respect, and that is a lesson our world desperately needs to learn.” — L. R. Knost