How Becoming A Mother Gave Me the Confidence I Desired

Being a mom is the craziest, sexiest, coolest thing I’ll ever do.

I’ll be the first to tell you, being a mom was NOT on my priority list. I was never the girl who dreamed of becoming a mother.

I did always have a list of baby names in the back of some notebook.

In fact, I was very much okay with being the cool, childless auntie who could always hand the babies back to their rightful owner.

Now, almost two years into motherhood, something inside me has shifted. I’ve evolved into a more advanced version of myself.

This version of me is compassionate, discipline, and confident. I have developed a deep sense of appreciation for how I show up in the world — flaws and all.

All my life, I have struggled with confidence. Like, true confidence. I was good at pretending as I’m quite a good actress. I wanted Confidence — with a capitol C.

Like most mental and emotional conditions, confidence fluctuates — it ebbs and flows with the seasons and circumstances. Deep, authentic, genuine confidence is a matter of spirit. I earned it through the spiritual initiation of giving birth.

Something about giving birth — growing an entire, healthy human being inside my body, and bringing a soul into the physical world makes me feel like a Divine being. Its like I’m an extension of God — a subsidiary of Mother Earth herself.

I see all mothers this way. I’m in awe of motherhood. We truly are extensions of the Divine, but whether we choose to acknowledge and embody this truth is a choice.

I’m going to choose the Divine mindset every time. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still very much human, but I am a mother now. There are super powers that I have unlocked.

Motherhood is not glamorous at all. Its challenging, frustrating, bloody, shitty, teary… exhausting.

Motherhood forces you to confront the demons that dwell deep inside you. I’m a demon slayer – I bring light to my own inner darkness so that I will not pass them down to my daughter. She too, will learn how to fight the inevitable darkness of human existence.

Oh, and that postpartum stage is no fucking joke. But I’m here on the other side of that.

For me, the other side of that was a treasure chest full of the confidence my heart has always desired. I feel powerful, fecund, and limitless.

Oozing with feminine energy, I make myself open to receive all the blessings and support meant for me.

I know that I have the ability to create and influence an entire reality. I no longer second guess myself. Decisions are made more carefully. I invest my time, energy and money on things that I value. I seek out the highest return on my investments because my time is precious and my life is beyond my own.

Society tells mothers that we should put ourselves last. I rebuke that. We MUST fill up our own cups before we can pour into anybody else, especially our children. If we try to show up on empty, our children get nothing. With this in mind, I strive to show up for my daughter in the best way possible.

I bathe first. I eat first. I do what I need to do first. (Even if that means waking up before my family) I’m a “Me first” kind of mama, because my baby deserves to see me well.

Motherhood has been medicine for me. I am more capable, more emotionally intelligent, and I have this strong desire to learn all that I can and accomplish all my goals.

I want my daughter to see her mother as a dynamic, multi-dimensional person, with an identity beyond “mommy.”

Motherhood does not encapsulate my identity, but it is an essential part of who I am. I walk proudly in this role more than any other.

Motherhood is a privilege that comes with an enormous responsibility. I take on this duty gladly — even on the days that seem impossible. I embrace the challenges head on, one day at a time.

My heart goes out to all the mothers — staying alive in these chaotic bizarre times. Its not easy, but I hope you know that you too, are a goddess.

I pray that motherhood emboldens you with the confidence to live fully, joyfully and passionately, no matter what.