How an Introvert Can Thrive as a Team Leader
Do you consider yourself an introvert? Over half of the population does. I felt a certain security in it, and was always able to make friends (mostly extroverts who forced me to leave my house and fellow introverts who love coming over) But, four years ago, I became the Head Teacher of a private academy in South Korea. And I had to adjust to what it meant to be an introvert in a leadership position.
I was an active teacher around my students. I taught seven-year-olds and they have incredibly high energy and always have some drama they want to dish out. (The amount of unsolicited hot takes I received on the weekly is astronomical) In the classroom, I was extremely comfortable with my kiddos.
But in team meetings and especially team workshops, I found myself to be a wallflower. I let others take the lead on conversations surrounding concerns, issues with parents, or curriculum scheduling. So, two years in, when I was offered the role, I was dumbfounded. Me? When and where did my boss see leadership potential?
Turns out the other teachers felt comfortable around me and wanted me to be the one to take on the role. And my work ethic, according to my boss, was inspiring. (As a middle child I’m eager for praise) So, with my spirits boosted (and a hefty raise offered) I took the job.
I knew I could never change being an introvert. But I wanted to learn how to cultivate my inner world and always spinning mind to help my teachers who were now expecting a lot from me. I didn’t want to let anyone down, by not speaking up when they needed me.
If you’re an introvert and you’re looking for some tips on how you too can be more comfortable in a leadership position, here’s what I’ve learned:
1. Continue to listen.
At my job, I was essentially the middleman between the native English-speaking teachers and our Korean boss. With language barriers and rising irritation from a frequently changing curriculum, clear communication often proved difficult.
All my teachers were highly qualified, skilled, and just plain lovely people. But, speaking with the intention of listening first, is its own skill. Most people talk to talk, to be heard. But I’ve learned that if we enter a conversation with the intent to listen, ask questions, and try to understand the other person, communication just flows and common ground (at least in terms of teaching problems) can be found much faster.
One amazing thing about us introverts is our keenness for deep conversations. Listening to others and learning more about them helped me become a better leader. When I approached a conversation with the Korean staff members, I always tried to remember to use words that cannot be mistranslated. I also tried not to bog down my message with stories or asides. I got right to the point in a kind tone and then asked them their thoughts. This usually got the job done.
We had American, British, Korean, and South African people working for our school. Not only were our cultures different, but our personal tastes and upbringings were all being brought to the table. No one person is the representation of their country’s stereotypes. Always try to connect to the individual, rather than relying on assumptions about their suspected cultural attributes.
When there was conflict, I was the one who became the mediator, sitting both parties down to work out the others’ differences. That is a huge advantage of many introverts. People know we are there to hear both sides, and we will approach the conflict with pure compassion.
“On some deep level, my fear of public speaking seems connected to other aspects of my personality that I appreciate, especially my love of all things gentle and cerebral.” (Susan Cain, Quiet 99)
2. One-on-One is your bread and butter
If public speaking isn’t your thing. Find ways to reduce that by having meaningful one-on-one conversations with your staff.
I always approached my staff individually first whenever a serious situation arose. I found that I am still nervous speaking in group settings, and I’m always nervous about saying the wrong thing and embarrassing the person I’m addressing. (No one wants to hear “Remember guys we shouldn’t XYZ~ when they’re sitting right in front of you.) I find it can be discouraging and often not everyone needs to hear the message.
I had a teacher who often broke the dress code (personally I thought she looked fabulous). Instead of hosting a meeting for all 12 teachers to inform them on how this one obvious person is not following the rules. I simply approached them at the end of the day and with as much kindness as I could said something along the lines of “I love your fit, I think you look amazing. But I’m so sorry we actually aren’t allowed to wear shirts that reveal our cleavage. Korea has some different ideas than us about what professional attire looks like. Did you know miniskirts are totally fine, here?” She understood and from then on there were no misunderstands and we ended up having a really engaging conversation and later even became great friends!
Even if you don’t intend it, you could come off as condescending if you approach conversations with “Did you know…” or “I guess you’re not aware but…” I find that some people feel they’re being accused of knowing but disobeying the rules anyway, or of being ignorant. I found that being very specific with my words helped with calm understanding. Rather than vaguely suggesting her entire outfit wasn’t appropriate, I told her exactly what the problem our boss had, so that she could come to school the next day knowing exactly how she could change.
“Don’t let your child hear you call her ‘shy’: she’ll believe the label and experience her nervousness as a fixed trait rather than something she can control.” (Susan Cain, Quiet 249)
3. Deep breathing and affirmations
I know, I know, you’ve heard it before. But that’s because it works! I started therapy after my first year of being the Head Teacher. I was stressed not only about the added workload and public speaking events with parents and staff, but I recently lost someone close to me and I was just at a low point.
Therapy was a life changer. With my therapist’s help, I wrote out a list of affirmations: I am a good listener, I am respectful, I am thoughtful, creative and kind and loving, etc. And I hung that list above my desk at work. Before meetings or those dreaded times when I had to deliver bad news, I whispered some of the kind words out loud to myself and felt a bit more confident.
I suffer from occasional anxiety attacks that leave me completely drained and feeling hopeless. Sometimes these attacks were triggered by my work and so, having the ability to soothe my chest pain on my own helped to ease my mental load. I take a deep breath through my nose, counting to 5, and then I hold my breath for 3 long seconds. Then, I exhale through my mouth, sometimes as slowly as possible, other times in quick bursts (whichever feels right)
My therapist once told me something along these lines: “Anxiety isn’t a choice. But suffering is manageable. You are more capable than you feel in times of panic.”
“True self-esteem comes from competence. Researchers have found that intense engagement in and commitment to an activity is a proven route to happiness and well-being” (Susan Cain, Quiet 259)
4. Make time for yourself at work
I usually arrived about 10–15 minutes earlier than the rest of my native staff. This gave me time to prep for the day, go over meeting logs, and coordinate with the Korean Head Teacher on our week to come. This time alone was so calming and made me feel more confident when the other teachers started coming into my classroom for whatever help they needed.
I also ensured that lunchtime had a few minutes just for me. Once my students were fed (we served lunch in the classroom in my school) I would take a little walk around the block or go get a cup of coffee by myself. My staff was aware of my introvert status and always respected this time. I made it clear (respectfully, of course) that these few minutes were just for me, and not the right time to ask about lesson plans. And boy, was it nice to come back to the chaos of school feeling refreshed from my pocket of alone time.
So my fellow introverts, public speaking may never be easy for us. But our ability to listen and form deep connections is what makes us unexpectedly great leaders. Even if you don’t believe in yourself. There are others around you who know of your capabilities and respect your unique skills.
I believe in you! Fighting!
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