How an Extremely Critical Chat Transformed My State of Mind
Embracing the negativity may help us feel rejuvenated.
“There’s no chance you’re going to become a clinical psychologist with your work history,” says the other person on the phone.
It was literally like someone had reached inside my body, twisted my heart and ripped it out of me. A bit graphic but that’s the only way I can describe it. I spent 30 minutes on the phone with a psychologist who said to me I’m not going to make it if I carry on the way I’m going. This extremely, negative, critical and stomach-churning chat was actually one of the best things that ever happened to me. Initially, I thought I was going to get some help from him but instead it was a phone call from hell. Or was it?
Take all the negative words in the dictionary and that’s what I felt like. But, I had a choice to make. Either back the hell up or go all in.
It’s now been one year since that phone call. Did I take his advice? God no! And, I’m glad I didn’t. But, what I did receive was a lesson in transforming my mindset.
Boosting Your Belief In Your Own Ability
How would you feel if one of your most important aspirations in life was shut down by someone? There’s a high chance your state of mind will be crushed. It’s a natural response.
His actual words to me were “your work experiences are irrelevant for assistant psychologist jobs. You’re 22. You probably don’t have any responsibilities and bills to pay. You need to work as a voluntary assistant psychologist first, then you can get a paid role. Then you can get onto clinical psychology training.”
This chat transformed my mindset by giving me the chance to believe in myself. I had the opportunity to say to myself that I should continue with what I’m doing. Just because one person has said this, doesn’t mean it’s true.
I had the belief in my ability before this conversation. This moment just elevated my belief to new heights.
Self-efficacy is the belief we have in our own ability and was coined by psychologist Albert Bandura. Research has found that one way self-efficacy is developed is by looking at past challenges and picking out times where we were successful against them. At that moment, that’s exactly what I decided to do. I had a very similar experience where I was told I wouldn’t get into university because I wasn’t smart enough. A few years later I graduated with a First Class Honours degree in psychology.
By thinking about this past moment, it gave me confidence in my ability to do it again.
To transform your mindset, when you experience these negative moments, quickly think of similar situations in the past. Think of the challenges you have overcome. Think of times where you defeated difficult moments. It’ll help you realise that you have the capacity to push through struggles. Once you realise that, the belief in your own ability, in the present moment can elevate.
Two months after the chat with the psychologist, I got a paid assistant psychologist job. I didn't have any voluntary experience as the psychologist told me I would need. It’s crazy because I’m so glad I had this ‘self-defeating’ chat. Without it, would I be where I am today? Who knows, but I certainly look back on it now as a positive, negative moment.
Embrace the negative moments you have. Sometimes, it may help transform your mindset by increasing your self-efficacy.
Bulldozing Your Way Through Anything In Your Way
Another way my state of mind was transformed, was that I developed a mindset of not letting anything in my way stop me. It didn’t matter who or what it was, I thought “I’ll bulldoze my way through it.”
I recently read about a Japanese concept known as “Fudoshin,” which I learned from Amardeep Parmar. It translates as “Immovable Mind” and involves being completely determined to reach your target, irrespective of any challenge or distraction.
Perhaps this is what occurred when I experienced this will-crushing chat. Again, the embracement of this negative information I received developed this mindset for me.
I clearly remember being sat at my desk after this conversation, having two thoughts in my mind. There was the accepting defeat and crushing thought; “The last year has just been a waste of time. Am I really going to get any closer to my goal if an experienced psychologist is saying these things to me?” Then there was the determined, encouraging thought; “Forget this guy. Don’t let him get to you. Keep going and don’t look back. The experience you have is great so go all in!”
I chose the determined, encouraging and “immovable mind” thought. Without that chat, would I have developed this mindset? Maybe not.
To adopt this mindset, use the negative moments as your driving force. Use it as a way of proving other people wrong. Say to yourself “I’m going full steam ahead. Doesn’t matter what comes in front of me, I’m going all the way.”
Don’t worry if someone is putting your hopes down. Instead, it can create an immovable mindset. A determined mindset. And, a mindset that will smash its way through anything.
Final Thoughts
When I look back at the psychologist’s advice, I had every reason to feel disheartened, weak and dejected. But one year later, rejecting his advice and developing this transformed mindset, I am now within touching distance of my goal.
Sometimes, taking the positives out from the negatives we face are what keeps us going. It certainly helped me. The two ways it transformed my mindset are:
- It increased my self-efficacy — I looked at similar situations in the past which I overcame. This made me believe more in my own ability to get past this hurdle.
- It helped me adopt an immovable mindset — I used this negative moment as a driving force. I pictured myself smashing down walls to get to where I am now.
We will inevitably face these moments. But know that when you do, great positives can occur. Just like my mindset transformed, yours can too.
Mind Cafe’s Reset Your Mind: A Free 10-Day Email Course
We’re offering a free course to all of our new subscribers as a thank you for your continued support. When you sign up using this link, we’ll send you tips on how to boost mental clarity and focus every two days.