How Am I Supposed to Love Myself When You Keep Calling Me Fat
Five Ways to Keep Rude Comments To Yourself
I was looking at old photos of myself from a time when I’d eat cream puffs and hot-grilled cheesy sandwiches every damn day. There is no denying that I was a fatty back then. Chins all over the place, stumpy legs pulling tight at the spandex jeggings I wore daily because none of my dress pants fit anymore. I could see it in my eyes; the unhappiness was evident.
I ate because I was insecure, and I was insecure because of the way my body looked. It was a vicious cycle, but one that I was unable to break because I didn’t have the knowledge to fix anything.
Now I am still considered overweight on a BMI chart, but I am 30 pounds lighter in body and mind. I don’t have that same feeling of dejectedness behind my eyes. My confidence is finally beginning to return. I feel good in this body.
It’s incredible to me how many people feel the need to tell a fat person they are overweight. Like, yes, pal, I get it. I’m the one that tortures myself every morning by stepping on the scale to find that I’ve gained another two pounds overnight. But thank you so much for your unwarranted opinion.
A few years ago, when we owned the sandwich shop (hence the cream puffs and hot-grilled sandwiches), I was told daily how fat I was becoming by the customers who regularly visited our store.
It was nearly the end of our time there. Because of financial stress, fatigue and the laundry list of other anxiety-inducing factors that come along with owning a business, there was no doubt that I had put on a few (20) pounds in a matter of several months.
“Oh my gosh!” One lady spewed loud enough for the entire store to hear, “Are you pregnant?!” She said it with such glee in her voice; I felt a little bad telling her that no, I was just fat.
Those were my exact words. I was blunt because not even ten minutes before, another guy was ordering at the till and learned that my husband — who was making sandwiches on the open line — was, in fact, my husband. The man looked perplexed then said without pause, “Aren’t you a little fat for him?”
Like, is that even a thing? Who the hell says something like that to a perfect stranger.
Throughout three months, there wasn’t a week that went by where a regular wouldn’t comment on my newfound waddle. They’d say their comments loud enough for me and everyone else to hear. Or, worst yet, discreetly lean over the counter to tell me about the new gym they heard was opening.
It was a frustrating time, and I learned to embrace my body weight with a sort of possessive fervour. The way a bad boyfriend tells you that you can’t do any better than him, I said to myself that I didn’t need to lose weight because if someone had a problem with the way I looked, well, I’d just eat them.
This wasn’t the healthiest of attitudes. As much as I love the positive body movement, I also think that morbid obesity (of which I was diagnosed at the time) is a dangerous game to play.
As I’m writing this, I am debating on going one of two ways. Another “you can overcome fatness” article — those have been quite successful in the past. Or going a different way. What if instead of explaining how to lose weight or become body positive, I give pointers to those who don’t know how to keep their rude commentary to themselves?
That sounds like a great idea. So here goes.
Five Ways to Keep Your Rude Comments To Yourself
- Notice someone is too fat or too skinny for your specific tastes? Instead of opening your giant yap, shove a burger in your craw instead. It’s delicious, and you can take those two minutes that you might have used to shame a total stranger and instead quietly contemplate your entire way of life while enjoying a tasty treat.
- Scenario: an acquaintance has gained weight over a short time. Instead of cattily asking if said person is pregnant, try asking if there is anything they’d like to talk about. Offer yourself as a shoulder to lean on and stop making assumptions that you likely know nothing about.
- See a woman walking into a store, and (before she straps on her mask), you notice that she isn’t smiling. Remind yourself that it is absolutely none of your business — problem solved!
- If you have the insatiable urge to talk about people’s weight, facial features, clothing choices or rank them on hottest to nottest, go deep into the woods in the middle of the night. Dig yourself a burrow and talk till your heart’s content. Once you’ve dispelled all of your deepest thoughts on other people’s physical appearances, then you may return to civilized society once more.
- Challenge yourself to be better. Each time you feel that urge to comment on another human being’s character, give yourself a one-person challenge. Visualize suppressing the need to loudly yell about all the things you like or dislike about someone’s body, and then put that visualization into action! You should buy yourself a cookie as a self-care gift.
Life is tough in the best of times. We do not know the personal struggles or triumphs going on behind our neighbour’s door. Whether it’s a challenging weight loss program or combating an eating disorder — we all have our battles.
What makes those battles so much more difficult to conquer is when they are brought to light in a public place for no apparent reason other than shame and belittlement. Please, think of your actions and how those actions will affect those around you.
