How About We Fall in Love Instead of Hooking Up?

A whole generation has created a hook-up culture that could be ruining the art of falling in love

I find myself back on a dating app, and I'm becoming annoyed. This time I'm trying Hinge. Yes, dating apps have worked for many people. At least three of my friends found their love this way and have had successful relationships.

For me, though, I feel it to be quite bland. I'm a hopeless romantic, and I want my love story to come from organic soil where we plant our seeds together and watch our garden grow.

Every time I try one of these apps, I get my dopamine fix for about a day, swiping, giggling, checking my inbox, but of course, the drug wears off, and I'm left feeling disappointed because I know deep down inside experiencing love this way isn't for me.

But finding a hook-up, that's a different story.

We've become the generation of hook up culture, but we're left unsatisfied

I've been single for quite some time, about six years. I've indulged in a fling and a casual relationship. Both were vast experiences under my dating belt, but I was always left with this knowing that there was someone or a level of connection that I wanted to experience.

Real love. High-level commitment. We are vulnerable and show interest in each other's lives. We aren't settling because of the fear of not finding someone else and not having a wondering eye because we think there is always a better option.

The hook-up culture is fun for the moment, and it's a fantastic way to gain experience in the dating scene. It can teach you how to become social, which is a great skill to acquire, but most know hooking up turns into meaningless sex and can ultimately leave us feeling unsatisfied down the road.

Every time I experienced meaningless sex, it wasn't very pleasing. Too many drinks and a man just bagging me to have an orgasm so he could feel validated was highly mundane. But that's hooking up; that's the level you get without the romance and falling in love.

Of course, meaningless sex can turn into love. It just hasn't for me.

We have replaced love with sex

Getting wasted and meeting someone at a bar is about as romantic as it gets for some. We don't take our time with each other when we like someone. We seem to validate our feelings with sex instead of allowing the spark to blossom into the possibility of love.

For some reason, many of us are afraid to fall in love, and it makes sense. Love is the highest positive vibration when it comes to our emotions. Love makes us vulnerable, and it requires us to trust, in ourselves, in someone. If we get it wrong, love can destroy us, and if you've ever felt heartbreak, it's one of the most unpleasant feelings you can experience. The disappointment can leave you with a hardened heart and avoid love at all costs.

Sex without love is easy. You have more control of the outcome, it's easier to disconnect from the connection, and you won't always have someone taking up space in your head.

But the thing is, we need and want love; we are human and loving ourselves, and someone else is the highest level we can achieve for optimal satisfaction in our lives.

Romance is becoming extinct

When growing up, my generation usually hooked up before any romance. Romance is considered Netflix and chill or hanging out. Even if we decide to go to a restaurant, we don't call it a date. Having sex before falling in love is the new normal when it comes to relationships.

I noticed with my dating experiences that if we had sex too quickly from a hook-up and then tried to move into a relationship, it became bland quickly because we didn't delay the sex and allow for intimacy to strengthen. We both lost interest in each other which is why hook-up connections can burn out over a few weeks or months.

Dating websites can make us feel jaded and uninterested because they are superficial, and we can order someone new with a swipe like we can order our fillet mignon from the door dash app. Receiving a dick pick has replaced flowers, and late-night booty calls help to avoid intimacy.

Sometimes I wonder if we deleted the dating apps would we take notice of the people right in front of us.

Would we revive romance?

In closing

A few years back, I went on what I would call the most authentic date I've ever had. It was awkward and nerve-racking. As we watched the concert, I almost spilt my drink which had my date reaching out and saving it; we clasped hands and sat watching the rest of the show cuddled up.

We didn't indulge in a late-night kiss when he dropped me off. Still, a whole lot of confusing feelings stirred in me for months because it felt real, and because we both come from a generation of emotionally unavailable people, we didn't know how to open up.

To have that kind of experience again would be a blessing because that's what romance entails, the awkwardness, the unknown but most of all, the trust that falling in love is as good as it gets.

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