Summary

An individual shares their transformative experience with therapy, emphasizing the life-changing impact of finding the right therapist when dealing with emotional trauma and abuse.

Abstract

The author recounts a pivotal moment in their life when they decided to seek therapy, describing the intense emotional turmoil and physical symptoms of anxiety they experienced while making the initial call. They highlight the compassionate and understanding response of their therapist, who played a crucial role in their healing journey despite the brevity of their professional relationship. The therapist's personal experience with adversity and toxic relationships provided a deeper level of insight and support. The author expresses deep gratitude for the therapist's guidance, which included advice on managing guilt and the importance of self-care and personal boundaries. The article also touches on the value of education in understanding emotional trauma and the benefits of no-contact and relocation for survivors. The author concludes with encouragement for others to seek help and acknowledges the ongoing journey of healing and self-improvement.

Opinions

The author believes that a therapist with personal and professional experience in dealing with specific issues, such as personality disorders, is invaluable.
They emphasize the importance of self-education in the process of healing from emotional trauma.
The author suggests that "leaning into guilt" can be a powerful step in overcoming the manipulative conditioning of abusers.
They advocate for the potential necessity of no-contact and relocation as strategies for survivors to regain a sense of safety and perspective.
The author underscores the significance of trusting one's instincts and the challenges in rebuilding that trust after it has been undermined by abusive relationships.
They stress the importance of self-forgiveness and self-responsibility in the healing process.
The author appreciates the role of their therapist in providing hope, advice, and encouragement without overstepping or manipulating.
They encourage readers to support writers on Medium by becoming members, highlighting the direct impact on writers' lives.

How a Therapist can make all the Difference.

And why you might want to think twice about finally going…

I have thought about and realized many times in my life that I probably needed to speak with a therapist; however, the day I finally accepted it changed my life.

The specifics that lead to that moment are no longer clear, but I was in my kitchen with my husband in our small apartment breaking down in tears and emotional convulsions. Collapsing to the floor.

The moment I started dialing his number to schedule an appointment I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My nervous system was on FULL ALERT, and I was shaking uncontrollably. This uncontrollable shaking (as if freezing), shock, overstimulation, anxiety/panic attack — whatever you want to call it, was an immediate nervous system response. It is something that has happened many times before and even since. I have figured out, and always knew on some level, that it was in response to my vulnerability and being in danger — just the memories of my emotional abuse and re-experiencing the feeling(s) of being in the situation with these people can send me into this spiral.

Once on the phone, speaking like I imagine someone does when shaking from hypothermia, my soon to be therapist immediately knew I needed help. He didn’t tell me that, not that I recall anyway. I could tell from how he responded with such concern, patience, care, and a sense of urgency. Although I didn’t work with him long or often — due to my seriously over-busy work schedule and then relocating (which he highly supported and even recommended upon hearing it was something we were thinking about doing), he made all the difference!

He helped lead the way into my healing journey with such safety, love, care, and even personal understanding. As someone who had been through many trials and tribulations of his own (even with toxic people — yes, therapists can be abused too, and some therapists are also abusers, so be careful and choose wisely!). He was insightful on a more personal level.

I am eternally grateful to him and I hope he knows how much I appreciate our time together, even as little as it may have been. He was truly an integral part of my healing journey and allowing myself to feel my feelings and not feel guilty. To ‘openly’ admit OUT LOUD to someone that my family was cruel, hurtful, harmful, unhealthy, and so many things I never would have ever allowed myself to see. But once I saw it … I couldn’t UN-see it. It stared me right in the face.

If not for this therapist and my wonderful husband, I truly do not think I would still be alive today…

There was (and still is) much work to do. I had to claw my way out of the dungeon I had allowed myself to be put into. Break off the heavy chains, and learn to walk again.

It has been years, now (this is an addition to this original article), and I am starting to hold my head up high and with delight. There is an actual joy in my life and step again that isn’t covering up something this time — all that pain…

I am genuinely supremely happy, and it feels so damn good 🥰😌☺️🫶🏼

If you are struggling through emotional trauma (of any kind), I highly recommend finding a therapist. Preferably one who has experience (personal and/or professional) with exactly what you specifically need — like the destruction from these types of personality disorders.

Also, I always recommend educating yourself as much as you can and for as long as you can/need. Preferably indefinitely — I know I still need reminders even after all these years. But also, learning and growing is good for you in this life and also for your soul!

Over the course of our visits my therapist gave me hope. He gave me advice to get me started, and he encouraged and learning material to move me forward. He gave great guidance as well as encouraging compliments — telling me I had great insight and to trust my intuition. Some of the best instructions/suggestions I ever received from him was to ‘lean into guilt.’

Having been programmed by these selfish, immature, likely cluster B disordered individuals to feel guilty about nearly anything and everything, my guilt was CRIPPLING me to a point beyond just distress. For the sake of my health & well-being, my marriage, my happiness, etc., I needed to trust that my ‘guilt’ response was no longer something I could trust to guide my actions. This is because it was created into a weapon to be used against me for control and manipulation.

After this revelation, came more very sound advice from multiple sources. It was constantly being recommended through various sources to go no-contact, as well as possible relocation.

Much like someone in witness protection, relocating and no contact allow a survivor to begin to feel safe again …ish, or at least gain some perspective and a chance for a fresh start.

I never felt like my therapist overstepped, took advantage, or tried to persuade me in any way that was against my best interests. He was supportive of whatever I chose, including at one point trying to maintain, what I now have learned is called ‘detached’ or, limited contact. — It didn’t work out, but at least I can say I tried. —

His loving guidance helped me learn that I was not the one causing harm and that it was not only okay, but quite possibly necessary to protect myself.

Next, was learning to hone, rebuild, trust my instincts.

They had always been there to guide me. I had just constantly pushed them away. Hushing them into submission again and again. It was due to the will and training of very devious, devilish, selfish individuals. To learn how to not immediately jump when they ask, or rather demand. To not immediately react, but rather wait and respond with a clear, open, compassionate, and patient mind, heart , and soul — for myself especially and most importantly.

To say the least, all of these efforts take time and a lot of effort! Especially at the beginning (and even still to this day for me — still true, but much better now and hopefully still improving 😇🙏🏼).

Take it moment by moment if you need to. Love, trust, and most importantly, forgive yourself. This was not your fault, but unfortunately you are dealing with the aftermath of having been abused. You are your own responsibility -take it seriously, you deserve that!

I would once again like to thank my therapist for helping me through the most tragic part of my life, as well as my incredibly kind patient and indescribably wonderful husband who I love with all my heart. To all of you reading this, I wish you blessings and for a life filled with Joy, Love, Peace, Health,Happiness and so many Wondrous things!

Until next time,

Your Idealistic HolisticNerd

With Love, Light, and Blessings ❤

Your Idealistic HolisticNerd ~ ❤ Mind ❤ Body ❤ Spirit/Soul ❤ ~

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