How a Small But Specific Change Controlled My Social Media Addiction
The benefits I got out of it was immense
The first step to controlling an addiction is realizing that you are an addict. It is knowing that a sequence of actions has transformed into a regular routine. When a habit emerges, the brain stops working hard in decision making. It tries to save effort by not thinking too much. So unless you deliberately fight a habit — unless you find new routines — the patterns will unfold automatically.
For my friend, it was a doctor’s visit that made him deliberately fight his eating and lifestyle habits — He lost 75 pounds in 3 months. For me, it was a moment of utter guilt and self embarrassment, that made me control my addiction.
It was a Saturday evening approximately a year ago. I and my wife had invited a few friends and their families to our home. No occasion, it was just a random get together on a random Saturday evening.
About two hours into the party, we just had completed our dinner. Most of the folks were already bored, I guess. I looked around and some of the parents were glued to their iPhones. The rest few were chatting along at one corner of the house. I too kept nibbling at the iPhone looking for new notifications and “important” updates from my online friends.
Just about this time, I saw one of the kids trying to climb up the stairs. He was pretty small. My mind gave me a small signal that it could lead to something dangerous. But I just wanted to finish writing a funny comment on a Facebook video of a cat scaring a dog.
Exactly 30 seconds later, I heard a thud. My heart skipped a beat. The kid had fallen down the stairs and hit his head on the floor. While the rest of the folks ran to check him, I sat there, strained. I did not have the mental courage to go and check the kid. I was embarrassed by what I did, or what I did not do.
It was a minor accident and he was doing fine. After crying for a couple of minutes, he went back to his adventurous journeys, now trying to climb up a chair. But I was not OK. The realization that I could have prevented this, that something worst could have happened to him, filled me with remorse and guilt. I was not able to let go of how insensitive I was of the situation. I could not free myself of how I prioritized social media engagement over the potentially dangerous situation.
I decided that I needed to change myself. This incident triggered me to take a deep look at my phone habits. These are some stats I saw on my phone that day.
→ I pick up my phone an average of 163 times a day. I am awake for 16 hours a day, which means I am picking up my phone 10 times an hour, which is every ~ 6 minutes.
→ My total screen time was averaging more than 5 hours a day.
After spending more than 5 hours a day on my phone and picking up my iPhone every 5 mins, I realized I was not learning anything new. At least I could have cleaned the garage, as my wife asked me to, or I could have taken my old car for servicing on time, or I could have written something new on Medium.
But Social Media was keeping me so busy that I kept procrastinating these productive chores. So, it was time to take an action. Resolute to beat this, I thought of multiple options:
#1 Deleting all social media accounts
#2 Controlling screen time on apps by putting limits
#3 Deleting all social media apps on my phone
After some thought, I decided on option #3. And this was my reasoning.
Limiting time is pretty useless because I will have the urge to extend the time limits. I have done that before. And it would not stop my addiction.
Deleting all social media accounts could be counterproductive since I use Facebook and Twitter to market my articles. Also, I knew I spend very little time on my Laptop browsing through these sites. When I am on my laptop, I am mostly working. The problem was my phone.
So, I went ahead and deleted all social media apps on my phone.
These are the apps I deleted on my Phone
→ YouTube
→ Amazon (I deleted this a month later since I started to spend some time there)
It's been nearly a year since I deleted these apps from my phone and the results were unbelievable. Yes, I did struggle initially. I use to pick up my phone, only to keep it back again. Within a week, my screen time reduced by 30%, and the total time spent on my phone halved. But the benefits on a personal level was immense. If I had to share these benefits, I would group them in the following buckets.
I Had More Time to do What I Wanted
I did not have enough time — is what I always complained about. Without doing anything productive, my entire time was consumed by social media. Whether it is scrolling through Facebook posts or Instagram pictures of superstars or job search requests on Linkedin. The first effect of deleting all my apps was that I started to get bored. I did not have anything to do.
I am someone who needs a bit of a push to get things done. I assume most of us are. Being bored pushed me to do something else to keep myself busy. I did my chores on time, I spent time cooking. Suddenly, now I had more time to get things done. I got into a habit of writing more. I guess it is true — You have to replace one habit with another.
I Got Good at listening
My wife always nagged that I am bad at listening and that I do not pay attention to what she says. To be honest, I was, but I never knew why. Maybe my brain was bad at listening, I assumed.
But once I deleted these apps, I became more attentive. I listened more. Now I can understand why I was poor at it. Picking up my phone every few minutes diverted the attention span of my brain. Although, you seem to be listening to someone you actually are just hearing them.
Hearing is simply the act of perceiving sound by the ear. Listening, however, is something you consciously choose to do. Listening requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words and sentences.
In this article on Social Media’s Impact on Listening and Loneliness by Charles Veenstra, he explains how multitasking is a hindrance to listening. Rather than slowing down to think and listen, it is being trained to jump from one item to another.
Better Memory and Attention Span
As a by-product of my improvement in listening, I started to get better at remembering things. As a practice, I always used to write the things I needed to buy, else I would forget to purchase them. Once my wife said, “My head is aching, I need some medicines. And if you get some reusable forks, get them as well”. I forgot to get the forks. And this used to happen fairly often.
One year into my decision, I do not need to write everything down. I can remember. Yes, I do write if it is a long list, but not every time. I can rely on my memory now. This change does not happen drastically, but believe me — It will happen.
This improvement in my memory is also backed by a lot of research and studies. One such research was done by the University of Michigan on a cohort of people from the United States aged between 25 and 75. The models examined the impact of daily social media use, age, and their effect on same-day and next-day memory failures. The model revealed that on days when social media use was high, individuals reported more memory failures.
Got More Productive at Work
I am sure you will be saying to yourself — “What a stupid guy! How can quitting social media help get you better at work ? “. But just listen, let me finish. When I used to keep my social media engagement very close to me, I kept my phone with me always. I had a habit of playing some video on YouTube every time I did something, like having a shower, or cooking, etc. I really got addicted to this one influencer channel that talks about sports. Nothing useful, just general chit chat.
Once I quit all these, I did not have anything to play in the shower. This made me think more about my work. The compile error that was bugging me, or how to build my next article on Medium. I really benefited from them, because sometimes ideas came during a shower. Many of my articles are inspired by thoughts that came in the shower or while cooking, or sometimes even when I am trying to sleep (Now I don't have the phone with me at sleep). You never know how things can pan out when you have nothing to distract you.
Also, I had the habit of picking up my phone during work hours as well. Every now and then, I would pick up my phone to browse through something online. This diverted my attention span. I lost track of what I was doing. With nothing to distract me, I can now focus more on the actual work.
Better Sleep
One of the biggest takeaways from this activity was my better sleep quality. I could see a drastic improvement in my sleep. I woke up feeling energized and active. When I was using Social Media, I kept the phone close to avoid missing any notifications. Studies show that looking at social media in bed can make it harder for you to fall asleep.
This decision also coincided with my mom back in India complaining that keeping the phone close to her bed at night gave her pain in her elbows when she woke up. No, she does not use Social Media, but she kept her phone close to her to receive calls, messages, etc. And she was convinced that after she removed the phone to a separate room, her pain vanished.
So, my mom’s experience is proof enough that the radiation (or something else) from the phone is not good for anybody's health. So, I started keeping my phone in “airplane mode” at night. And this also would have contributed to my sleep quality.
I am sure there are multiple other benefits of quitting social media like mental health, depression, etc. The choice is up to you. I understand engaging in social media can be advantageous, but I really do not see the point of having these apps so close to you that keeps distracting you. Like me, you can also have the account and only browse once in a while on a desktop or laptop.
And for some others, it may not be social media. I know a few friends who have games installed on their phones. And I have seen them playing these games during lunch. Distraction in any form is not helpful for our personal development and growth, it is impacting our listening, memory, and even work.
I went through a troubling experience to realize that I am an addict. You don't have to wait for yours. Take charge.
