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4307

Abstract

</p><p id="6243">My thoughts were startled by the train halting and my stop announced. The doors came ajar, and I hopped up escaping unharmed. I watched the train depart leaving me alone with my thoughts as other passersby went about their day normally.</p><p id="295a">The abrupt return to normalcy left me wondering, “Was this real? Did I actually make it? Or did I die and this was purgatory?”</p><p id="628f">Well as far as I can comprehend that was real.</p><h1 id="a88f">My True Fear Should Have Been not Living</h1><p id="1787">I realized on the train that the only true failure in life is not living. I was painfully struck by how much of my life I had spent prioritizing work that didn’t bring me joy, neglecting my relationships with friends and family, and failing to pursue the dreams and goals that had once brought me so much hope and excitement.</p><p id="94fa">I’ve avoided new situations and opportunities, either out of fear of failure or by overanalyzing and mitigating any potential mistakes. And by constantly prioritizing what I thought I should be good at, rather than what I actually enjoyed, I ended up feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.</p><p id="5fa2">I realized that living a satisfied life requires putting my own preferences, goals, and aspirations before my fear of failure.</p><h1 id="6c2f">Takeaway #1: Procrastination is lethal.</h1><p id="7501">Procrastination is ubiquitous in popular culture. I’d define it as:</p><blockquote id="c0be"><p>Taking life completely for granted and assuming you’ll have more time later to do the important things in life.</p></blockquote><p id="0a9b">Life is so incredibly fragile and short. If you’re wasting time with procrastination, you’re not living. Procrastination relies on the fundamental fallacy of, “I have enough time. There’s always tomorrow.” When nothing and no one can guarantee tomorrow.</p><p id="f4c5">Most people don’t just procrastinate for fun or even laziness, often it’s caused by fear and unregulated emotions. A 2019 article by the New York Times entitled <a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2019/03/25/smarter-living/why-you-procrastinate-it-has-nothing-to-do-with-self-control.html">“Why You Procrastinate (It Has Nothing to Do With Self-Control)”</a> describes procrastination as delaying tasks against our better judgment, due to our inability to regulate our moods. The article quotes Dr. Piers Steel professor and author of <a href="https://amzn.to/3IUrl3S">“The Procrastination Equation: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done<i>.”</i></a><i> </i>who aptly characterizes procrastination as “self-harm”. I couldn’t agree more.</p><p id="526b">Procrastination makes the situation worse often by delaying necessary action and lulls you into a sense of false security that it can be done “later”. This puts off important tasks and decisions in favor of the urgent but less meaningful aspects of life. The ease of distractions and disconnection between work and personal passions make it all too easy to push our dreams to the side, telling ourselves we’ll tackle them “tomorrow.”</p><p id="30b0">For me, procrastination is often rooted in fear, the fear that I am not capable of achieving my goals and that my efforts will be in vain. I find myself endlessly researching, gaining skills, or making excuses of “not having enough time,” all to avoid the possibility of failure. But in doing so, I am letting precious moments slip away, and if I knew my time was limited, would I be satisfied with letting procrastination win and never truly try?</p><h2 id="bd92">Questions to ask yourself</h2><p id="eaa9">Does any of that sound like you? If you knew you only had limited time, would you honestly be satisfied with letting procrastination hold you back from living your life to the fullest?</p><h1 id="4d90">Takeaway #2: Worry is Useless</h1><p id="255f">Close your eyes and imagine a fear or concern that has been weighing heavily on your mind. It’s been keeping you up at night and always lurking in the back of your thoughts. Now, imagine the worst-case scenario plays out — you lose something, you’re rejected, you face embarrassment or the world as you know it comes to an end. Your mind races with ways to prevent or avoid this outcome, or you become overwhelmed with emotion and fear.</p><p # Options id="c8ea">But, after that worry and anxiety, how much closer are you to achieving your goal than you were before?</p><p id="6afa">The answer is none.</p><p id="b4d3">As someone who struggles with anxiety, I understand the allure of worrying. It can be a form of rumination, something that I tend to do before attempting something new. I’ve even had full-blown panic attacks just at the thought of trying something new. But I’ve come to realize that anxiety and worry do not contribute to solving the problem at hand. They only serve to distract and take away time from actually addressing the issue.</p><p id="6f21">After my near-death experience, I’ve learned that life isn’t worry-free, but it’s much easier to convert those worries into actions that move me closer to my goals. Because I know that the bigger worry is running out of time and not having my life look the way I want it to. This helps to put my initial worries into perspective and allows me to move forward.</p><h2 id="4193">Questions to ask yourself</h2><p id="50a7">Can you recall any time when the act of abstract worrying, solved your worries for you? What direct actions actually fixed your problem? Is that something you could skip to instead of the worry when you notice worrying?</p><h1 id="87d3">Takeaway #3: Other Peoples’ Opinions of you don’t matter</h1><p id="4e52">Being heavily influenced by the people around us, giving into peer pressure, and seeking approval before taking action, cause problems because other peoples’ ideas of what we can and should do may not align with our deepest desires and aspirations. Are there parts of yourself that you have kept hidden, or that others don’t believe in, that remain unfulfilled?</p><p id="2d99">I know I’ve been guilty of conforming to the expectations of others to make them comfortable, but I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t lead to a fulfilling life. The question I now ask myself is, who am I living my life for? Is it for others or for myself? Would I be satisfied living only by the standards that others have set for me?</p><p id="07db">For me, the answer was no.</p><p id="12f5">Your approval of yourself is ultimately the one that matters. So, my advice is to be “selfish” with your time and choices. You have one life with limited time, and there is no “right” or “perfect” answer. Even if there were, if it doesn’t align with what you truly want to do in life, it doesn’t matter. Of course, you can learn from and seek guidance from others, but don’t let their stories of success or failure keep you from living your own.</p><h2 id="d89c">Questions to ask yourself</h2><p id="7def">Who are you living your life for? Genuinely, whose opinion do you value above all else? Deep down are you seeking approval from everyone around you? Does your confidence take a dip if the people around you don’t believe in you?</p><h1 id="00f4">Promises I’m making to myself in the future</h1><p id="6112">One of the most important things that I’ve learned from my near-death experience is that while I cannot control when my life will end, I can control what I do with the time I have remaining. I want to build a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, to chase my dreams, and not let fear hold me back.</p><p id="bc05">This year, I’m going to face my fears and take risks. I’m going to put myself out there and try new things. But most importantly I’m going to get more comfortable with making mistakes.</p><p id="b34e">You’re reading this blog post because I’ve always wanted to create a blog and share my thoughts online. I just let the fear of embarrassment and failure stop me. 2023 is going to be an exciting year for me because I plan to make so many changes in life. And to move my life in the direction that I always wanted.</p><p id="8caa">So, I urge you, don’t wait for the perfect moment, don’t wait for the perfect idea or anyone’s approval. Take action, and make your life the one you’ve always wanted it to be. Don’t let fear hold you back, because life is too short to waste it on regrets.</p><p id="2c8b">Like the article? Curious about how I’m thinking about setting my resolutions for the year? <a href="https://readmedium.com/want-better-new-years-resolutions-start-with-why-last-year-s-failed-de382504e178">Check out my first article!</a></p></article></body>

How a Near-Death Experience Taught Me to Overcome My Fear of Failure

“Well, this is a stupid way to die,” I said as I sat on a train home that cheery, sunny Sunday afternoon.

It wasn’t until a few minutes in I thought, “Man.. if only there was more time to do the things I actually wanted to do in life.” And after my near-death experience, I refuse to live with that thought ever again.

Photo of a man standing as a train passes by. Image from pixabay. https://pixabay.com/images/id-1283748/ Note, the links to Amazon in this post are Amazon affiliate links. I may get compensated by Amazon if you purchase recommended books linked in the article.

The train ride from hell: My near-death experience

As I relaxed on a train Sunday afternoon after a workout, I noticed a man with choppy blonde hair and dark brown roots sitting a few seats ahead of me. He faced my direction, hair falling between startling bright blue eyes that arrested my attention. I smiled to myself stealing glances at him as I scrolled through YouTube videos. It had been the most relaxing day I had all week. The weekends were my oasis: a fleeting reprieve from the burnout caused by my job.

I frowned mulling over the dread that Monday would bring when I caught sight of a gun that had fallen to the floor near the blond’s feet. He scrambled to pick it up as I stilled. Air escaped my lungs as I forgot to breathe. He then reached over to his companion borrowing a lighter. The other man suddenly agitated paced back and forth putting on a black ski mask over his head, hesitating and then taking it off, before settling to put it back on and slouching into a seat grumbling incoherently to himself.

I sat momentarily frozen as the man with the blonde hair and blue eyes slid lower into his seat hiding his hands and obscuring part of his face behind the seat in front of him. His eyes peaking over the seat in front of him with an intense gaze never leaving me. Never blinking, when I glanced up from my phone. I felt myself squirm uncomfortably as small plumes of smoke floated from behind his chair and above his head. I realized with a sinking feeling that I had boarded the wrong train car at the wrong time with the wrong people.

Feeling oddly calm yet clammy, I glanced as casually as I could over my shoulder to realize the rest of his group were the only ones that shared the car with me. Both men behind me appeared to be high off something. One man incessantly picked at his hair and fumbled with his phone. The other stared at the ceiling as if there was something to read written above him.

I was trapped. So, I resigned myself to waiting for the train to reach the next stop. As I did, I listened to some random, petty drama on youtube barely hearing the words. My mind drifted to an imagined police statement mentioning a shooting and a death on the train. The kind of article you read, feel momentarily sad about, then promptly forget.

I resort to dark humor in highly stressful situations. So, despite myself, I chuckled. This was the most boring way to die. I always assumed I would be at least doing something more interesting than my normal commute home before I died. So after texting my family that I was likely in danger and giving them the short story of my whereabouts, I glanced beyond my phone and was met with the blond’s eyes still staring and unmoving diminishing any optimism I had as I waited for the ride to end one way or another.

But as the seconds sluggishly passed, my heart ached at the sudden image of the messy, empty apartment I was heading to. I wasn’t really leaving anything. My life felt sterile and devoid of the adventure and happiness I had imagined as a child. Loneliness was what awaited me. Too few friends and too few passions outside my 9-to-5 job. In a moment life might be over and honestly what did I have to show for it? “Well, no more Mondays at least,” I thought to myself bitterly, no longer able to see any humor at the moment.

My thoughts were startled by the train halting and my stop announced. The doors came ajar, and I hopped up escaping unharmed. I watched the train depart leaving me alone with my thoughts as other passersby went about their day normally.

The abrupt return to normalcy left me wondering, “Was this real? Did I actually make it? Or did I die and this was purgatory?”

Well as far as I can comprehend that was real.

My True Fear Should Have Been not Living

I realized on the train that the only true failure in life is not living. I was painfully struck by how much of my life I had spent prioritizing work that didn’t bring me joy, neglecting my relationships with friends and family, and failing to pursue the dreams and goals that had once brought me so much hope and excitement.

I’ve avoided new situations and opportunities, either out of fear of failure or by overanalyzing and mitigating any potential mistakes. And by constantly prioritizing what I thought I should be good at, rather than what I actually enjoyed, I ended up feeling unfulfilled and unhappy.

I realized that living a satisfied life requires putting my own preferences, goals, and aspirations before my fear of failure.

Takeaway #1: Procrastination is lethal.

Procrastination is ubiquitous in popular culture. I’d define it as:

Taking life completely for granted and assuming you’ll have more time later to do the important things in life.

Life is so incredibly fragile and short. If you’re wasting time with procrastination, you’re not living. Procrastination relies on the fundamental fallacy of, “I have enough time. There’s always tomorrow.” When nothing and no one can guarantee tomorrow.

Most people don’t just procrastinate for fun or even laziness, often it’s caused by fear and unregulated emotions. A 2019 article by the New York Times entitled “Why You Procrastinate (It Has Nothing to Do With Self-Control)” describes procrastination as delaying tasks against our better judgment, due to our inability to regulate our moods. The article quotes Dr. Piers Steel professor and author of “The Procrastination Equation: How to Stop Putting Things Off and Start Getting Stuff Done.” who aptly characterizes procrastination as “self-harm”. I couldn’t agree more.

Procrastination makes the situation worse often by delaying necessary action and lulls you into a sense of false security that it can be done “later”. This puts off important tasks and decisions in favor of the urgent but less meaningful aspects of life. The ease of distractions and disconnection between work and personal passions make it all too easy to push our dreams to the side, telling ourselves we’ll tackle them “tomorrow.”

For me, procrastination is often rooted in fear, the fear that I am not capable of achieving my goals and that my efforts will be in vain. I find myself endlessly researching, gaining skills, or making excuses of “not having enough time,” all to avoid the possibility of failure. But in doing so, I am letting precious moments slip away, and if I knew my time was limited, would I be satisfied with letting procrastination win and never truly try?

Questions to ask yourself

Does any of that sound like you? If you knew you only had limited time, would you honestly be satisfied with letting procrastination hold you back from living your life to the fullest?

Takeaway #2: Worry is Useless

Close your eyes and imagine a fear or concern that has been weighing heavily on your mind. It’s been keeping you up at night and always lurking in the back of your thoughts. Now, imagine the worst-case scenario plays out — you lose something, you’re rejected, you face embarrassment or the world as you know it comes to an end. Your mind races with ways to prevent or avoid this outcome, or you become overwhelmed with emotion and fear.

But, after that worry and anxiety, how much closer are you to achieving your goal than you were before?

The answer is none.

As someone who struggles with anxiety, I understand the allure of worrying. It can be a form of rumination, something that I tend to do before attempting something new. I’ve even had full-blown panic attacks just at the thought of trying something new. But I’ve come to realize that anxiety and worry do not contribute to solving the problem at hand. They only serve to distract and take away time from actually addressing the issue.

After my near-death experience, I’ve learned that life isn’t worry-free, but it’s much easier to convert those worries into actions that move me closer to my goals. Because I know that the bigger worry is running out of time and not having my life look the way I want it to. This helps to put my initial worries into perspective and allows me to move forward.

Questions to ask yourself

Can you recall any time when the act of abstract worrying, solved your worries for you? What direct actions actually fixed your problem? Is that something you could skip to instead of the worry when you notice worrying?

Takeaway #3: Other Peoples’ Opinions of you don’t matter

Being heavily influenced by the people around us, giving into peer pressure, and seeking approval before taking action, cause problems because other peoples’ ideas of what we can and should do may not align with our deepest desires and aspirations. Are there parts of yourself that you have kept hidden, or that others don’t believe in, that remain unfulfilled?

I know I’ve been guilty of conforming to the expectations of others to make them comfortable, but I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t lead to a fulfilling life. The question I now ask myself is, who am I living my life for? Is it for others or for myself? Would I be satisfied living only by the standards that others have set for me?

For me, the answer was no.

Your approval of yourself is ultimately the one that matters. So, my advice is to be “selfish” with your time and choices. You have one life with limited time, and there is no “right” or “perfect” answer. Even if there were, if it doesn’t align with what you truly want to do in life, it doesn’t matter. Of course, you can learn from and seek guidance from others, but don’t let their stories of success or failure keep you from living your own.

Questions to ask yourself

Who are you living your life for? Genuinely, whose opinion do you value above all else? Deep down are you seeking approval from everyone around you? Does your confidence take a dip if the people around you don’t believe in you?

Promises I’m making to myself in the future

One of the most important things that I’ve learned from my near-death experience is that while I cannot control when my life will end, I can control what I do with the time I have remaining. I want to build a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, to chase my dreams, and not let fear hold me back.

This year, I’m going to face my fears and take risks. I’m going to put myself out there and try new things. But most importantly I’m going to get more comfortable with making mistakes.

You’re reading this blog post because I’ve always wanted to create a blog and share my thoughts online. I just let the fear of embarrassment and failure stop me. 2023 is going to be an exciting year for me because I plan to make so many changes in life. And to move my life in the direction that I always wanted.

So, I urge you, don’t wait for the perfect moment, don’t wait for the perfect idea or anyone’s approval. Take action, and make your life the one you’ve always wanted it to be. Don’t let fear hold you back, because life is too short to waste it on regrets.

Like the article? Curious about how I’m thinking about setting my resolutions for the year? Check out my first article!