How a Cat Brought My Son out of His Shell

And possibly changed his diagnosis of autism

I knew something was different with my third child. When he was around one year old it was clear. When we brought his little brother home from the hospital 21 months after him, he was not interested in interacting.

Early Signs

It started with his lack of interest in his little brother and two older sisters. Being an outgoing person, I've always had my children around a lot of friends. I tried many times to connect him with other little boys his age, and it never seemed to work. Not only that, but he had a way of dealing with people that could be almost cruel. It wasn’t that he meant to be mean; he just lacked empathy for the emotions of others. He didn’t understand other people’s social cues, and they did not understand him. He preferred to be alone escaping into the invisible world of fantasy, where he would make shooting sounds as if in battle. I tried so hard to teach him compassion, gentleness, and love, but none of my efforts worked as they did with his siblings. I knew that something was wrong.

The Diagnosis

Not only was my son not emotional, but he also became very overwhelmed by stimulation. It became a problem when he reached school age and would run out of classrooms and cause the teachers to panic. I knew I needed more answers.

At the age of seven, I took him in for autism testing. I think I tried to pray and wish it away before that point, but it got to the point where I had to face the reality of what was happening. I wasn’t surprised when they diagnosed him with moderate autism. He was functional and very bright, however, and besides social skills, the therapy that I looked into didn’t seem like it would benefit him.

The cat

Around this time, we wanted to expand our family by adopting one of the kittens from the humane society. It was kitten season, and the humane society was desperate for homes for animals. We found a sweet little kitten, named her Princess, and brought her home to our family. Like other living things around him, our son was not drawn to the cat at first. He ignored her like he ignored most social creatures. However, the cat began to sleep on his bed at night. I think he got used to it but still did not show any affection.

The tragedy

As animal lovers, we didn’t want our cat to go outside for two reasons. The first reason was we were afraid she would never come back, and the second reason was we didn’t want her to kill the wildlife. We loved our cat, and she wanted to go outside.

We had the idea of keeping her on a leash while out. The leash worked out great! She could get the fresh air that she wanted and we could protect her and keep her from hunting wildlife.

One fateful morning though, after a month of putting her out on a leash, my husband found her hanging from a fence. Our beloved cat, which meant so much to our family, jumped on a fence and was hung. She was dead. Our entire family was gutted. We mourned for her and made a small burial plot in our backyard for her, and put flowers on her grave. We loved her so much and cried for weeks over losing our cat in such a tragic way.

The change

While most of my family were able to move on, something in my son changed. He discovered a part of himself that he was not before able to express. That part was love and affection for something outside of himself. The life and death of our sweet cat drew my son outside of himself and taught him to love. He started seeing life as more precious and cried for the loss of the cat that slept on his bed for years. He mourned way longer than the rest of us, but in him, a new heart was birthed.

Now

My son is still quirky and still says strange things. He is still not overly emotional or empathic to the social cues around him, and he is still extremely bright. However, he now recognizes the precious life around him. We have since got another cat that we named Koa, and it is his cat. He wanted to keep it in his room. He feeds him and cleans his litter box. Living in Hawaii, the cat colonies outside are also plenty, and he often escapes with bags of cat food to make sure the cats outside don’t go hungry.

The change in diagnosis

I took him this year to get evaluated for ADHD because I had been recently diagnosed and saw similar traits in him. To my shock, they said that they would no longer label him as Autistic because he does not have all five attributes of it on the DSM-5 (the manual for mental disorders).

Final thoughts

Did getting our precious cat keep our son from developing all the traits that would lead to a diagnosis now? I think that she did. As my son was learning to love our cat, he also learned what calming effect cats had on his anxiety. He never developed the repetitive motions that many people with autism develop. He knows that his nerves are calmed as he lays down and pets our cat.

In talking with him and homeschooling him, I have been finally able to reach his heart with compassion. I always bring it back to his connection with cats. I continue to nurture this love in him because it has shown to be just what his spirit needed to draw him outside of himself. Even though Princess, our first cat, did not stay with us for a very long time, her little life meant so much to our family. Her love for my son will cause her memory with us to last a lifetime. For that, I will always be grateful.