How 3 Different Married Couples are Navigating Quarantining Together
A young married, a young married with children, and a retired couple discuss marriage
In the midst of finding material and new stories for my Date Night Blog, I decided to call some of my favorite people to see how they are navigating marriages amidst the quarantine. We have Jeff & Emily, a younger couple in their 30’s, Bill & Dianna*, a wise couple in their 70’s, and Kyle & Christel, parents to a 2 and 5 year old.
- *fun fact… Bill and Dianna are also my mom and dad
How have you stayed connected during quarantine?
Jeff and Emily play a lot of Monopoly Deal and they we go to Wendy’s for Frosty’s. “Well, that’s how Jeff stays connected,” Emily responds while laughing. “Those are things we’ve done a lot, they’re fun, they’re random. We are integrating workout challenges within Monopoly Deal, trying to integrate spontaneity into things.”
“It’s super easy when you’re just co-existing to connect less because you’re around each other all the time so you feel like you’re connecting… but are you really?”
Jeff and Emily go on drives to try to have intentional conversations. And if cooking becomes stressful, well, it’s time to order a fun meal which helps facilitate a more chill evening with time to connect. Whatever it takes to remove barriers of stress while also supporting local businesses.
Let’s check in on Bill and Dianna…
Bill, with a laugh says, “Well, we don’t really have a choice so we’re connected!” And Dianna adds, “We’ve been watching movies together, going outside to work together, and reading books together.” Dianna is someone who likes to do a lot of things, meet a lot of people, and go a lot of places, so it’s helped keep Bill and Dianna in the same place, now doing those things together.
“Before we go to bed, we write down 3 gratitudes for the day. We read Psalm 91 together each night. We pray over our prayer list each night. We’ve grown spiritually together having more time to read and pray together.”
How’s the couple with the young kids doing… let’s check in!
Kyle starts off in an honest tone, “To be honest, we spend more time worrying about how to disconnect from each other and the family. By virtue of everything, we are always connected. One of the ways I connect with Christel is by helping her find ways to disconnect.”
During the quarantine, there is always a child who needs something and physical separation in the form of a break can help both parents feel connected.
Kyle shares, “I need my sanity to help out with the family. I need people, I need connection. In order for me to get sanity, Christel has to take over and then we’ll try and swap.”
“Ella, stop that!” Ella is scratching surfaces with some of her toys while Keira cries in the background. “It’s been like that all day. It’s hard to even be on a call like this together.”
Christel adds in, “I need support. We have two needy kids. We both need community. We’ve been with friends in the parking lot* and we try having game nights with friends through Zoom. We try to find ways to help fill each other up.”
- *friends in the parking lot
Kyle speaks back in, “It’s actually been hard to connect. We’re walking in the house together all day long but we feel distant. Every stressor is heightened. We give each other breaks but we’re not together.”
How has the quarantine affected your marriage?
Emily shared, “I feel like how I feel in my marriage is often how I feel about myself. I find in quarantine, there are a lot of frustrating factors at play that can make you feel like you’re rising to the occasion and crushing the situation or you’re really disappointed at how apathetic and lazy you are. It’s caused me to recognize how often I am quick to go to the negative perspective of my marriage before a perspective of gratitude. Stress comes strongly if you’re not making an effort. There’s a lot of room for creativity and fun.”
Jeff added, “We are forced to be together, forced to talk things out. You can’t lean on much else, you’re together and have to figure it out. We are by each other’s side and I feel more connected because of that.”
Emily added via text to that, “We are learning to articulate needs. And enter into what is life-giving for each other. For Jeff, that’s sports/movies, games, and rest and for me it is walks, wine, and getting out of the house and talking in general.” “Jeff continues to teach / remind me that I am in charge of my currently reality. I have the power to change my mindset, my circumstances (get outside vs wasting time on couch, read a book vs Instagram), and my ability to experience joy. I teach Jeff how to notice things!”
How is it affecting Bill and Dianna’s marriage of 47 years?
Dianna says, “We’re really just spending more time together. I am usually off and going! But now we are home together. We are growing together spiritually, listening to sermons from church.”
And what about those cool cats, Kyle and Christel?
Christel says, “It’s both (positives and negatives). I love you Kyle but we are just together all the time.” She went on to share, “Our marriage is highly based on community and when that is taken away, that’s such a big part of our story, it’s… hard. But also, we have figured out ways to help each other out. I can recognize when Kyle needs to space to be ‘off.’ He’s trying to find space for me as well because I don’t typically ask for help.”
What good things will you take away from this abundance of time together?
“I know it sounds generic but gratitude for each other,” Jeff says. “It’d be a lot harder if I was single and on my own, I am grateful for Emily’s presence in my life.”
“I am extremely grateful,” Emily echoes. “I really appreciate that Jeff is a partner who is relentlessly optimistic.He refuses to put a negative spin on anything. It’s a gift to be around someone who exudes gratitude, optimism, and is grounded in who they are.”
And how is that abundance of time affecting our married couple of 47 years??… let’s check back in…
Dianna says, “We will continue our nightly spiritual exercises.” And Bill adds, “We saw a tape called the Happiness Advantage, where every night you think of 3 things you’re grateful for and #1 every night is ‘We are still well.’”
And finally, how is this abundance affecting our married couple with young children…
“The memories we’ve been able to create will last,” Christel shares. “The girls know at 11am, they go to daddy’s office. When a package comes in, it goes to the garage quarantine shelf… little things that have become our new normal. Memories of how we’ve changed our every day.”
Kyle shares, “I wish there was something about persevering through frustration… I don’t know if we have… we are encountering new frustrations daily. We work through one thing and another thing comes up. We come out on the other end and we leave quarantine with a new threshold of tolerances. The things I’ll remember forever, they’re more kids related. Christel’s ability to come up with so many games and activities for the girls. I’m home everyday, I share lunch with the girls. Those are memories for us.” Christel echoes, “It’s a family thing we’re doing and these memories are forever.”
