Hot Lady

In a plastic laundry tub

My story

Sticking to it. I’ll tell no lies.

This photo could be me if I was only a few months old but I’m 73.

I can fit in a plastic laundry tub.

Current gone

When the electricity is off life takes a downturn in Jamaica.

No Wifi

No phone service

No land line

No cell phone

Water pump only pumps to a dribble

No pressure for a shower

No standing fans

Circular problem

Tropical heat makes you sweat from places you didn’t know pores existed. You never thought about those pores until now.

Now you are moist and sticky from two days without electricity.

No shower.

Jamaicans are good at taking what they call, “A Jamaican Bath”. During times without current or a limited water supply has made them meticulous masters of the art. Standing in the shower it is a pour, soap up, scrub, and rinse. They are always bright and shining despite the hardship.

I am not so adept. I need a strong water stream to bathe efficiently or a tub of water in which to sit.

Romantic misguidance

The heat overcame my good judgement.

I dreamily recall Degas’ gorgeous, plump, pink, ladies bathing in tubs of luscious water.

Foolishly, I think I can do that.

I get a little wiggy in the bathroom. I know statistics for injuries in bathrooms are high. According to the CDC every year 235,000 people over the age of 15 visit emergency rooms with bathroom injuries. Almost 14% are hospitalized.

Yipes! My husband is on the road. I can’t call him with no power. I need to be very cautious here. This is Jamaica.

I must bathe.

Quickly, before dark I slowly fill a cheap, acid green, Chinese, plastic laundry tub using the tiny slow shower stream.

I gingerly step into the shower.

Plop!

I sit down into an overfull tub.

My ass and the excess water in the tub activate the Physics concept of displacement. A tsunami of water explodes over the bathroom tile.

Filling the tub a quarter full might have been a better choice.

Now, a slippery bathroom floor looms.

So glorious

Despite the impending disaster of the wet bathroom floor, after a hot two days feeling like a damp towel, sitting in the tub was glorious.

The water feels like cool jello. I lapse back into my memories of the Degas ladies.

Ooooooooo!

Sun is setting. Gotta make my escape before all is pitch black.

A wiser woman would have put a flashlight on the bathroom counter.

Suddenly my delightful bath turns into a nightmare. I discover I can’t get any traction to stand up. I am stuck in the acid green, cheap, Chinese, plastic tub.

I rock from side to side. Surely, I can just tip over. The plastic just slides on the shower tile.

I scoot down to the end of the shower where our small washing machine sits. Reaching the top I try to pull myself up. The machine leans over like it wants to fall on me.

Scooting to the front of the shower I try holding on to the shower valve. Gotta be careful here. Don’t want to pull it off the wall with my weight.

For a moment I consider waiting for my husband’s return. That won’t work. It will be pitch black by that time. Matters will only grow worse.

Briefly, I laugh at my lunacy. What 73-year-old lady does this *!%&? I wish I had a video.

This could go viral.

Everybody wants to see a wrinkled white woman stuck in a bucket.

Isn’t that a given?

I focus my senses. There has to be a way.

I push my back flat against the shower wall. Gently pull myself up using the shower valve, snaking my back up with pressure against the wall. Alternate breathing

— nose in 5 — mouth out 10 — sucking my stomach up & in

Yes! God does answer prayers. Hallelujah, I am vertical.

Gingerly, drying off while holding on to the bathroom counter I reach across to the standing fan.

It doesn’t come on.

Yeah, remember, no current.

Ah, Jamaica! Ya not easy.

Subscribe each time I publish a new piece.

Join us for our Newsletter, Veranda Vibes. We look at all things Jamaican from feral cats to good Jamaican home cooking each Sunday morning.

Blessings from Jamaica