Hoping I’ll see the Girl Next Door again

Sometimes all a drowning man can do is hope… (Part 9 of the series)

If you missed out, here’s the entire collection:

It has been a long month. Since I placed the apology letter in Stephanie’s mailbox, I haven’t seen or heard from her.

Well, okay, that’s a lie. I haven’t seen her. And technically, I haven’t heard from her. The dating profile of a fake version of me has heard from her. A lot.

We’ve been talking pretty regularly. When we started texting again, she made it clear that she wasn’t looking for a relationship. She was taking a break from men and focusing on friendships. I told her that I wasn’t ready for a relationship just yet either. It was another lie, but who’s counting at this point?

It’s funny. I started this whole thing not wanting to date her because I knew I was going to ruin things. Now that I’ve actually ruined things, I want to date her more than ever. I remember a quote from Herman Melville. I can’t remember which work of his it was in, but I remember highlighting the passage in one of my English courses. “For in tremendous extremities human souls are like drowning men; well enough they know they are in peril; well enough they know the causes of that peril; -nevertheless, the sea is the sea, and these drowning men do drown.”

Simply put, I was drowning and the only person that could throw me a lifeline wouldn’t because of all the lies I’ve forced upon her life.

Of course, we haven’t exchanged phone numbers or anything. We’ve kept our conversations in the app. Most of the conversation deals with normal day to day stuff. She decided not to get another job as a secretary. Instead, she opted to be an OnlyFans content creator and Twitch Streamer. I had no clue about it, but she loves to play Minecraft. And from what I’ve watched of her, people love to watch her in skimpy clothing as she plays Minecraft. Her OnlyFans is strictly her in the cosplays that she does. I had asked if she’s willing to go the full Belle Delphine, but she said that she had a line and doing that would cross the line.

I had to admit, but morals and ethics are kind of a turn on for me.

She was fun to watch, my Girl Next Door. She was opinionated, hilarious, and she had a very sensual voice that never failed to turn me on.

The more I watched her, the more I couldn’t help feeling like I’m losing her. Sure, I have “free access” to her via that dating app, but I’ll never be able to sit on the couch next to her. I won’t be able to fall asleep with my arm around her shoulder.

My worst nightmare is that some rich douchebag starts chatting her up and decides to carry her away. Maybe he demands that she quit streaming and modeling. Then I’ve lost her.

Of course, I know that’s a delusional thought because I never had her in the first place. I only had an image of her that I created based on her looks.

“I’m going to stream in a bit. Are you going to watch?”

Looking down at my phone, I texted back, “Of course, wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

The cynical part of me wondered if I was being used as guaranteed watch time on Twitch. She was already getting my $19.95 on OnlyFans. I almost wanted to tell her that $20 bucks for cosplay was expensive, but I refrained. Mostly because I wanted her to succeed. If she was a success, then that meant she could pay rent. And if she could pay rent, then she wouldn’t have to move from her current place. And if she stayed, she’d still be my Girl Next Door.

However good that did me.

That’s when the idea struck me. I knew that it probably wasn’t a good idea, but I had to do something.

Texting her back, “Hey, have you heard anything from the pervy neighbor?”

Almost immediately, she replied, “Nope.”

“He said he was sorry though right?”

“He did” and then a few seconds later, “But what he did was too creepy for words.”

“Did you catch him peeping on you?”

A few seconds later she sent back, “no, not exactly. However, he admitted it in that letter.”

“Look, I don’t condone that what he did was right. However, from watching you on Twitch and looking at your OnlyFans… I would have done the same thing.”

All she sent back was “!!!”

I immediately went into DEFCON 2. My fingers were a blur on my phone’s keyboard. “I’m just saying, you’re smoking hot. I don’t blame the guy for watching you naked when you yourself said that you should have put drapes up.”

Oh great, now I’m gaslighting the poor lady into talking to… myself.

My head hurts trying to figure out the logic of all this.

She was silent for a few minutes, and I wondered if I chased her off. Then she sent back, “Maybe you’re right.”

Relief flooded my senses and for the first time in a long time, something sparked inside of me.

Hope.