Hope in the broken place — by Shannon McNiece

I am not a healer.

You are not broken.

Your addiction is a liar.

Hope is the healer.

I am not a healer. We are all healers. We all have the innate ability, and capacity to heal. Healing is our birthright. When we claim our birthright, we give others permission to do the same.

You are not broken. You are not damaged. You are not a failure. You are enough — more than enough, you are everything. Feeling broken doesn’t make it true. You are whole and complete, and beautiful right where you are — even if you don’t feel it.

Your addiction is always talking to you. Sometimes he shouts, sometimes he whispers. He is insidious. He is looking for any chink in your armor to exploit you. He is looking for any weakness to use against you. He wants control; he is cunning. Your addiction will use logic and intellectualization. He can be incredibly persuasive, and rational. He can be patient, persistent, bold, and impetuous. He will use your emotions against you. He will use any opportunity. He will seize on anything available to manipulate you. He always seeks control. Your addiction will sound like you because he uses your voice. His nature is a chameleon, changing and adapting to any circumstance. Your addiction will convince you he is helping you — all you must do is hand him the reigns. But he will always lie to you. Everything he tells you is a lie. What he wants from you is not what you want. What he wants is power. Learn to recognize the liar.

The liar will wreck you if you let him, the full agony of your soul will be unbearable. The liar will lead you in circles, getting you lost in the wasteland. The liar doesn’t care about you. Your addiction will urge you to crawl through the wreckage of your life, getting caught up in the razor wire of endless bad decisions. and then convince you it’s too difficult. He will tell you it’s easier to submit to him. Your addiction will convince you that unraveling the damage is not a calculation you can manage. The liar will rub salt in your wounds. The liar will desecrate your spirit and leave you in shambles.

The liar convinces you that he bears witness to your pain. He tells you that he understands the dull aches, the hidden corners of your mind. He will tell you he knows who you are. He will scratch at your mind in a way that almost makes you believe you can feel spirit move through you again. The liar will tell you he can bring life to the wasteland. But just because it tastes sweet on the way down, doesn’t mean it’s not a poison; do not swallow his lies. Your addiction will use any tool to stay in control. He will minimize, deny, and blame. The liar will tell you hope is evil, your enemy. He will tell you hope is broken or lost. But the liar is a thief.

When you can’t see clearly, when you don’t believe in the horizon anymore, hope can feel ephemeral, fleeting, and rare. She can make it hard to catch your breath. When a haze covers all features of the landscape, hope is still there in the place of madness. That place holds no tenderness and whispers desperation. There is no pathway; all directions are unmarked, untraveled, and desolate. That is the wasteland, the is the liar’s home.

Hope is the answer, the antidote. Hope is never truly broken, and never truly lost, though she can remain hidden for a time. Finding hope in the wasteland is the most precious gift. Hope can be borrowed from others. Hope is the promise of future happiness over the next horizon. Hope is the commitment to a better life. Hope is the conviction that the liar doesn’t own you. Hope is an expression of love, a spiritual salve, and a soulful pining. Hope softens the edges of the liar’s brutality. Hope is a song and her melody echoes through every corner of reality. Hope demands to be heard; she is resonance. Hope is not confined by current circumstances. Hope is open and free.

Hope bears witness to your humanity and struggle. Your endeavor to survive has grown from hope pushing you. Hope can take your hand and lead you through the pain, walking with you. Hope can help you navigate the muddy contaminated place. She will help you see beyond. Hope is an escape from the impossible. The essence of hope is honest and unwavering. Hope will help you separate from your pain and the liar.

For all of hope’s many gifts and talents, she does not take the ugly away. Addiction is ugly to live with, and ugly to watch. Addiction is ugly from every angle. You may crumble under your own weight. You may not have the strength to pick yourself up and keep walking. But you are not broken. You have everything you need within. You can find hope and intrinsic value in the trek.

Loosen the liar’s grip.

Embrace only your song, nothing and no one else. Hope can be your guide, share your heart with her. Hope is friends with your highest self. She understands your soul’s struggles. Hope understands your heavy sigh. Let her in. She holds the promise of wings and flight. Hope understands her significance.

The liar understands only pain.

Step forward. Claim your best life.

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