Summary

The article "Honey, You’re a Wreck" discusses strategies for managing one's inner critical voice, known as the "false voice," to prevent it from undermining self-esteem and personal growth.

Abstract

The author of "Honey, You’re a Wreck" introduces the concept of the "false voice," an internal critic that many people struggle with. This voice, personified as "Jenny," is described as judgmental and harsh, often pointing out potential failures and personal shortcomings. The article emphasizes the importance of distinguishing between the false voice's negative, shaming commentary and constructive self-critique. It suggests naming and visualizing this inner critic to better recognize and counteract its harmful effects. The author encourages readers to confront and silence their false voice by asserting confidence and self-assurance, and offers examples of affirmations to use in response to its negative dialogue. The article concludes with an invitation for readers to share their experiences with their false voice and strategies for overcoming its influence.

Opinions

The author acknowledges the false voice as a common internal struggle that can make individuals feel inadequate and unmotivated.
Despite the false voice's occasional grounding in reality, its overall impact is seen as unhelpful and detrimental to personal development.
The article suggests that the false voice can be a barrier to expressing one's talents and sharing one's gifts with the world.
Recognizing and naming the false voice is presented as a key step in managing its influence over one's thoughts and actions.
The author promotes the idea of actively challenging the false voice with positive affirmations and self-talk to maintain mental well-being.
There is an underlying belief that everyone has the capacity to overcome their false voice and that doing so is crucial for personal success and happiness.

Honey, You’re a Wreck

How to handle your harshest critic. Talking points included.

Khan doesn’t wrestle with a false voice. Photo by the author.

“Look at your ratty hair in this humidity,” Jenny rightly observes.

Jenny is spot-on about my frizz. She must be very wise. Now I see, I am a wreck.

I learned all about the false voice many years ago, but somehow mine still sneaks up. I named her “Jenny” because often that’s what new acquaintances mistakenly call me. I could also go with Peggy.

There are plenty of delightful Jenny’s, but I imagine this one as a bent over, angry, judgmental, disapproving shrew who loves to wag a crooked finger, shake her gray head, and tell me all the ways I’m dropping the ball.

I hate her. She makes me feel dumb and lazy and incompetent.

But everything she says is rooted in some potential screw-up that I very well might make. So, in the moment, it seems prudent to at least consider her pronouncements.

“You see that child with the mushroom hair and the dirty RUN DMC t-shirt?” (Jenny spares no unflattering detail.) “He’s yours, and today was picture day.” (Insert withering sneer.) “You’re a pitifully lazy mother.”

Hm. Again, Jenny appears to have my back. I must, in truth, be pitiful and lazy.

“Is that a Mars Bar wrapper in your purse? Nice work on the diet, PorkRind.”

The ugly, unhelpful, shaming things we say to ourselves that no one else hears — that’s our false voice. We all have one, and unless we can identify “him” or “her” and their untruths, that voice can keep us hidden, silent, focused on the negative, denying our talents and covering our gifts from the world.

We’ve got to get a handle on this.

The trick is to be able to hear when our internal voice is enlightening, constructive and true, or dark, punishing and unfair.

If your false voice is in control these days, or just a little more vocal than you’d like, try to get to know and be able to recognize it so you can put it in the corner when you need to.

Getting to Know Your False Voice

What will you name your false voice?

What do you imagine they might look like?

What are some things they say that make you feel bad?

Do you really need their advice/protection?

What are some things you might say when your false self is trying to shame you into feeling like a loser? Here are some ideas.

“I don’t need your help right now; I’ve got this.”

“We can think through your opinions later, but now I need to get this done.”

“You are not helping. Go away.”

Feel silly talking to yourself? Me too, but someone has to put Jenny in her place.

I’d love to hear about your false voice and how you plan to hush them up. Write in the comments here or you can email me at [email protected]. Thank you!

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