Honest Onesies: The Crass Yet Candid Designs Rejected by buybuy BABY

You won’t find these duds in stores.

First up! Some authentic apparel for a baby girl whose parents have no filter.

Or this direct ensemble, for the baby who is sure to fix Mama & Dada’s issues.

Or this present for your petite sister, who prefers “lite days” tampons but vaginally delivered a 9-pound-12-ounce chunker.

Or this genuine getup, for the sweet infant boy whose brothers are 19 and 17.

Or some straightforward threads, for the tot whose mom couldn’t stop thinking about that one scene from “Juno” with the fetus fingernails.

Or this oh-so-truthful onesie, for the baby whose mother was not-so-truthful about her fictitious “latex allergy.”

Or this frank finery, for the popular newborn with several “honorary uncles.”

And finally, garb for that bundle of joy who gives new mom so many emotions.

Kerry Webster Reynolds is a Massachusetts Creative Writing teacher who writes her own nonsense sometimes, occasionally demonstrating proficiency. Words: Points in Case, The Belladonna, Slackjaw, etc. Follow her! @KWebbyRey.