Summary

The author describes their personal journey from holding homophobic views due to their Catholic upbringing and Venezuelan background to embracing LGBTQ rights and inclusivity, reflecting on their own prejudices and the evolution of their perspective on homosexuality, especially after having children and working in special education.

Abstract

The narrative begins with the author recalling a disturbing comment made by someone from their past, reflecting the pervasive homophobic attitudes in their environment. Despite their own initial homophobic views, the author's parents, particularly their mother, held a more compassionate stance, viewing homosexuality as a disorder rather than a sin. The turning point in the author's perspective came through personal encounters, such as meeting an openly gay pianist, and further solidified during college. The author emphasizes the clarity of their stance on LGBTQ rights, advocating for equal rights regardless of sexual orientation. However, the birth of their children brought to light a latent preference for their sons to be straight, revealing an internal conflict between their intellectual beliefs and gut reactions. The author, now a teacher, reflects on the innocence of children's expressions of identity and questions the predictability of adult sexual orientation based on childhood interests. The article concludes with the author's admiration for the courage of those who live authentically, despite the personal cost, and acknowledges the diverse responses of society to LGBTQ individuals, from rejection to acceptance and growth.

Opinions

Homophobia was deeply ingrained in the author's upbringing and societal norms.
The author's mother's view of homosexuality as a disease rather than a sin was considered progressive in their community.
Personal experiences and education played crucial roles in reshaping the author's views on homosexuality.
The author believes that LGBTQ rights are a clear-cut issue of equality and human rights.
The author admits to a subconscious bias towards heterosexuality upon becoming a parent, despite their conscious support for LGBTQ rights.
The author challenges the notion that early childhood behaviors can predict sexual orientation.
The author expresses deep respect for the bravery of individuals who come out, especially in the face of familial rejection.
The author observes a societal shift towards greater acceptance of LGBTQ individuals, though with varying degrees of progress.

Homophobic No More

People’s views can and do change. Mine did.

About ten years ago, my sister told me about a friend who’d said he’d prefer his daughter be a whore (his word) over his son being gay. I felt repulsed - not only by the comment but also by how it reflected on the views I used to have and on the environment I came from.

It was — is still to a significant extent — an environment where it was OK to say such things!

Like me, this man I’ll call Francisco was from Venezuela and had a Catholic upbringing. Homosexuality was either a sin or a condition that rendered bullying, rejection and discrimination wholly justifiable.

Also, for whatever reason, in the world of my youth, men could be gay and women whores — never the other way around. In fact, as a child, I thought homosexuality only “affected” men.

As far as my specific home environment, I’m lucky that my parents were more compassionate and evolved, so to say, than most. My mother, the most generous woman I know, never subscribed to the view that homosexuality was a sin or that bullying anyone was acceptable.

My mom viewed homosexuality as a disease or a disorder — sort of like diabetes or schizophrenia. She felt sad for those afflicted but didn’t judge them as sinners. As a young girl, I thought her views made sense.

I must have been around 15 when I met an openly gay person for the first time and began to question my outlook. Carlos was a pianist, composer and teacher and one of my sisters studied piano under him. He was one of the best-known pianists in Venezuela at the time and my mom was a huge fan.

One day, I went with my mom to pick up my sister at Carlos’s house. I was curious because my sister had already told me that he was gay and had a partner. Carlos’s partner opened the door and offered us coffee while we waited for my sister’s lesson to end. Carlos had an artist look to him, very thin, ethereal, long curly hair. All else was unremarkable.

(Carlos died of AIDS and my mom and sister mourned him deeply. Here’s a mini-documentary about Carlos in case you understand Spanish and are interested in knowing more about him.)

It wasn’t until I was in college, though, that my views rapidly changed, not only on homosexuality, but also other issues, including abortion. When it comes to the latter, I’ve struggled to make sense of my views and where I stand.

Not so with homophobia. Unlike abortion arguments — whether “pro-choice” or “pro-life” — arguments surrounding LGBTQ issues seemed pretty black and white to me.

In a few words: You’re gay, you’re straight, you’re bi, you’re trans, who cares? We must all have the same rights!

That’s how I thought I felt… until I had children and my prejudice resurfaced.

Many years after college, I went to graduate school for special education and interned in a university preschool program. One of the preschool teachers told us about a parent who was “sort of concerned” that her 4-year-old son might be gay. Her son was obsessed with The Wizard of Oz and said that, when he grew up, he wanted to be a ladybug.

The parent, this teacher explained, was conflicted about even approaching her with questions. This mom made clear that she would love her son the same; she just wanted to know if his interests and personality foretold his future sexual orientation.

In the discussion that followed, a couple of my classmates who, like me, had young children talked about what this mom was really getting at. Was she actually worried he’d be gay? Did she prefer he not be?

How about me? I’d never asked myself these questions. I’d never thought about whether my sons would be gay. I’d never worried. Philosophically, I told myself it was all the same to me. But did I prefer straightness for them? My gut reaction once said I did, even if my intellect (however limited!) said of course not!

To be perfectly frank, I don’t know if personality and interests at age 4 are in any way telling of sexual orientation and preferences later in life. I have now taught 4-year-olds for fifteen years. I’ve had a few little boys who loved to dress up as fairies and princesses and one student who said with great certainty that he’d be a princess when he grew up. I hope he gets to if that’s still what he wants!

Final thoughts

When it comes to homophobia, I’ve seen some people move toward shedding their hate and prejudice and others cling to them. I’ve known of parents who sever all contact with their sons or daughters who come out. I’ve known of others who embrace their children and whose attitudes begin to slowly change.

When my friend Carmen told me her coming out story, how difficult and frightening it had been and how it resulted in her mother’s and sister’s rejection, I was in awe of her courage.

I’m anything but brave. I admire people who, like Carmen, are courageous and honest in how they live their lives. They expand humanity. I know they’re not doing it for me, but they have my gratitude and admiration just the same.