Homeless And Unemployed

Summary

The author recounts personal experiences of activism against racism and the subsequent challenges faced in their life and job search due to their criminal record resulting from civil disobedience.

Abstract

The author describes the impact of their involvement in anti-racist activism, including the arrest for protesting the Confederate Stonewall Jackson statue and the trauma from the violent events in Charlottesville in 2017. After relocating to Ithaca, New York, the author struggles with job applications due to a record of charges related to their acts of civil disobedience. The article reflects on the difficulty of integrating these experiences into a narrative that potential employers can understand or sympathize with, leading to a sense of isolation and disconnection from the broader community.

Opinions

The author feels that their duty to defend their community through protest was not protected, as their words were considered potentially violent.
There is a sense of frustration and pain in having to repeatedly explain their criminal record during job interviews, which is seen as a necessity due to societal norms.
The author expresses a feeling of being stereotyped as an "angry Black woman," which adds to the challenge of being understood and accepted in a new community.
The author conveys a sense of disconnection and alienation, as their experiences are seen as unrelatable or too uncomfortable for others to acknowledge, leading to a feeling that these memories are becoming detached from their life story.
There is a poignant critique of the societal expectation to sanitize one's personal history for the comfort of others, particularly in professional settings.

Do You Want To Be Relatable Or Honest?

A few weeks ago, my two friends were released on bond for allegedly sledgehammering the concrete base of the racist Confederate Stonewall Jackson statue in Charlottesville, Virginia, USA.

In this statue’s shadow, I was arrested and later tear-gassed for lying across a sidewalk in a desperate attempt to stop the KKK from having a rally in front of it during what has become known as The Summer Of Hate 2017.

I ran away from Charlottesville in August 2019 no longer able to shoulder another anniversary of the community and personal trauma from the white supremacist violent invasion and car attack murder of August 2017.

I ran away to Ithaca, New York, USA where I am failing to get a job with a record littered with disorderly conduct, trespassing, and assault and battery arrests.

I earned these charges by being civilly disobedient and standing my ground and screaming at neo-Nazis and other fascists to go home, leave my community, and stop retraumatizing and intimidating people.

My duty to defend my community by yelling was not a protected right because I used words that might have led to violence or fighting words.

Now, I have to share the most destructive time in my life during the pressure of entry-level, parttime job interviews and applications.

“What brings you to Ithaca, NY?”

“Have you ever been convicted of…?”

So, many innocent roads leading to ugly truths of man’s inhumanity to man.

And, I have become yet another narrative of a Black, angry woman.

Now that I’ve again shared my personal pain, may this criminal, rageful, black, femme answer your phones or enter your data or stock your shelves or sell your mattresses?

After I watch their eyes widen with surprise, narrow in disbelief, tear in sympathy, or gloss over in guilt, I see myself out of their small, corporate offices and sigh hoping this deep breath will blow my southern memories away from my fragile spirit’s edge one more time.

But, this is a harsh Ithaca winter, so they instead freeze on my lips and muffle my meanings.

exulansis n. the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it — whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness — which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.