Wait. What?

“Holy Shit! We Have to Do Something?”

Frida Katlo reverses herself

Hey, Human,

Have you been watching this? Do you know what’s going on out there? The zombies aren’t coming to eat us, they’re on the Supreme Court! Women have already been arrested for having miscarriages, and Texas has already put a potential bounty on the head of every pregnant woman in the state.

What the fuck are you doing sitting on your rainbow-sheened bedspread, drinking afternoon coffee, and editing an online humor rag? Do something else? Maybe?

Am I contradicting myself? I am contradicting myself. That surprises you? You expect ideological consistency from a cat? Who would expect that? I’m a cat, and I wouldn’t. Jesus, you are not a smart human.

Also, shout out to Carol Lennox, who apparently did know what she was talking about — go figure — though she was speaking from some bizarre position of advocating mental health, rather than arguing that we have to curtail the spasmodic tantrums of misogynistic, white supremacist, narcistic, Christian nationalist fascists.

I’m not sure if I should be worried that they’re going to burn the whole thing to the ground, or glad that they might. I don’t want to spend time with these people. It’s like the old saying: Heaven for the plumbing, Hell for conversation, and America for stupid, fucking Christo-fascists.

If the whole goddamn project burns to the ground, the cats would survive. Yeah, we’d poop in sand, rather than litter, and the food wouldn’t come wet in a can. We’d have to hunt for food. The bedding wouldn’t be quite so soft. But we wouldn’t care. We aren’t sentient beings. We have no sense of time and can’t compare “then” with “now” in any meaningful way. We’re cats!

Why are you listening to a cat? Or even worse, writing a “humorous” article supposedly in the voice of me, your cat?

It’s not even that I have dog in this fight. And why would I want a dog anyway. Fucking canines.

Like I say, the cats will be fine. I’m just bugged — maybe offended — that such bugfuck, egregious assholery exists in the world. It assaults my sensibilities. I’m literally raging at just the fact that you are a stupid human.

On the other hand.

You were streaming the latest season of The Boys, and when you sit in that chair, your lap and belly become a vast, soft expanse that is very comfortable to lie upon. Continue on about your business. Forget I said anything.

Whatever,

Frida Katlo

Thanks to Andrew Rodwin for the push and the rock-solid, editing instincts.

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