Summary

The article provides advice on reducing holiday stress by reframing obligations as choices, simplifying celebrations, delegating tasks, and setting boundaries.

Abstract

The article addresses a common issue faced by individuals during the holiday season: the overwhelming stress of trying to create the perfect holiday experience for their families. The author suggests that this stress stems from a mindset of "have to" rather than "get to," and by changing this language, one can significantly reduce stress and increase enjoyment. The article emphasizes the importance of simplifying holiday activities, distinguishing between essential tasks and optional ones, and learning to delegate responsibilities. It also recommends setting deadlines to ensure a balance between preparation and relaxation, ultimately aiming to create positive, lasting memories with family without the burden of exhaustion.

Opinions

The author believes that the only absolute necessities in life are breathing, eating, and sleeping, and that everything else related to holiday preparations is optional.
There is a critique of the societal expectation for a "Hallmark holiday," where the pressure to achieve an idealized and unrealistic standard can lead to stress and dissatisfaction.
The concept of "Frantic Holiday Syndrome" is introduced as a common affliction during this time of year, characterized by the stress that not only affects the individual but also those around them.
The author suggests that by focusing on creating positive memories rather than fulfilling every possible holiday activity, individuals can alleviate stress and enjoy the season more fully.
Delegating tasks to family members, such as a spouse and children, is encouraged as a way to share the holiday workload and make the preparations more enjoyable.
The article advocates for setting firm deadlines to prevent overworking and to ensure that the individual is present and engaged during the holiday celebrations.

Holiday Tips

Holidays: The Tyranny of the Shoulds

Have to or Get to?

Q: Every year at Christmas time I get so stressed out that I can’t enjoy the holidays. There is always so much that I just have to do, and I’m the only one who can do it. This year my husband has told me he is dreading the season because I got so stressed out and demanding last year. I want so much to make a good holiday for my family, but I’m usually worn out by the time Christmas gets here. How can I handle all this stress?

A: I think it’s a wonderful thing that you want to make the holidays so special for your family. But there are ways to have a great holiday season without driving yourself and those around you crazy.

First of all, there are only three things in life that you absolutely have to do: breathe, eat and sleep. Everything else is optional and extra.

At this time of year, you get caught up in the tyranny of the got-to’s.

For the rest of the season, and perhaps for the rest of your life, you can learn to watch your language. Every time you notice yourself thinking or saying “I’ve got to” change it to “I get to” or “I want to.”

Practice this for a little while and watch your stress level go down and your enjoyment level go up.

Everyone seems to want a Hallmark holiday. Like the movies or TV, they are pretend scenes where everyone knows the script and you get as many takes as necessary to get it just right. We watch these and then have to live out our own holidays, which are all live and unscripted.

The tyranny of the shoulds

The tyranny of the shoulds is one of the major contributors to an affliction that plagues many people this time of year. I call it Frantic Holiday Syndrome.

One of the symptoms is that it doesn’t affect only you, but those around you as well.

What to do

Remember that your overall goal is to create memories, positive memories that will last a lifetime. To that end, the first thing you will want to do is simplify, simplify, simplify.

Divide the things you want to do and want to have happen into two categories: what needs to happen and what you would like to happen. Focus first on what has to happen. Then, if there is time, do the things you would like to have happen. Get rid of things that don’t fit in either category.

The next step is to give up the belief that you are the only one who can do the things that need to be done. The holidays are a good time to learn how to delegate.

You mentioned your husband was dreading this holiday season because of how stressed you get. You can tell him that one of the best ways for you to not get stressed is for him to help you with the things that need to be done. Enlist your kids as well, and make it fun.

If there are tasks that you can hire someone to do, and you can afford it, by all means do it. You are not the only available source.

Finally, set deadlines. Set a time each day past which you will not work. Then set a time before Christmas Day that is your stopping point. Get done what you can, and then stop.

This is an important step because it can help you achieve the most important goal, which is to enjoy the holidays with your family without being exhausted, resentful or asleep.

Remember to focus on the notion that you are building positive memories designed to last a lifetime.

Happy Holidays!