Hi Notez
Holding it in is Holding You Back
If you’re scared to speak up, you’ll be scared to stand up…
Hi Notez: February 19, 2024
Well, what can I say about the day so far?… It’s going well. It’s been at least 3 or 4 days since I had a major epiphany that had enough power to shift my perspective and redirect my actions, and to tell the Truth, I’ve been different every day since. In a good way. Looking back, most of the things I have taken up over the past week or two, have been things I have been wanting to get back into for the longest… The only difference is, Now, I’m holding myself accountable to doing them daily.
There’s a message in here somewhere. I just gotta keep looking for it.
I guess I can talk about the shit I was doing that has been keeping me stuck. Or maybe I should save that story for another day. Either way, I was slowly killing my potential and rate of growth by holding back. Ahh, there goes the message! I knew it would bubble up at some point.
Listen, I’ve been down this road. Oh god, have I been down this dusty ass road, that leads you nowhere but to a town called Regretville withered, dry, and old. Y’all ever seen old dog poo? Yeah? Well, it’s like that. Disintegrated. I’ve been holding in my true feelings, thoughts, and desires for far too long. Thinking about doing it ever again repulses me.
You asked why I did that to myself, instead of just being honest.
Well what I’ll tell you is, I’m sort of foolish. I learned a lot about life by bumping my head or stubbing my damn toe on every couch foot (obstacle) in my path. And boy does that hurt. I’m clumsy, hard-headed, and stubborn. Not to mention, I am one of the most disagreeable people I have ever met. I just played nice with the mainstream society for a little longer than my authentic expression could handle. Simple-mindedly, I thought… Well, damnit, if I’m gonna be real, I don’t know what I was thinking y’all. Looking back, I caused myself so much pain and sat through regrets deeper than Mariana’s trench holding in my True feelings and expression of what I was experiencing…. And for what? A fake smile, albeit politeness in someone holding the door open for me? Like, where was my mind for the last 10 years, sunbathing in hell?
Anyway, if there is anything that time spent in my hell has taught me, it’s that it’s not worth it… But for the fact of me being dead sure that I never, ever, wanna go back there. Hiding… Holding your tongue, lying…yes, I said it, you’re lying to yourself and so was I, It's going to be the death of all of us if we keep it up. I mean it. I’m not saying go curse out your boss who purposely overworks you. Or blindly put yourself in danger just mouthin’ off because you have a bad case of the road rages.
I’m saying, represent yourself authentically. Will you rub people the wrong way? Sure will. But the way I see it is, if you’re scared to speak up, you’ll be scared to stand up. And there’s a lot more than people you’ll have to stand up to in this life. I’m tired of learning shit the hard way. So I’m gonna take this as a cue to get it off my chest and let nothing rest there but the peace of Knowing I’m real to the core!
And to leave it on a Hi Note, I’ll part with this…
Every day I rise, I thank the day for the opportunity I have been given to try again. This is not a race to perfection and it never was. This, my Vibe Tribe, is an everyday battle in fighting with your Best Effort. Let nothing stand in your way, especially you.
Giving your ALL is as good as it gets.
Stay tuned as I embark on this journey of self-discovery and Self-realization. Meet me here daily if you’d like to get a peak into the mind of a Hi Frequency Vibe! Enjoy more from these writers below!
And please, talk to me! I would love to get to know my fellow writers and readers. We all struggle out here in these mean streets called Life. Let’s share the struggle and the success!