Hey Little Lady Let Me Mansplain Mulch for You

Summary

A man at a farm supply store patronizingly offers unsolicited advice to a woman on choosing mulch, assuming she lacks the knowledge or capability to make such decisions independently.

Abstract

The article describes an encounter where a man, upon seeing a woman at a farm supply store, assumes she is lost or in need of assistance due to her gender and perceived lifestyle. He mansplains the virtues of red cedar mulch over walnut, which she has chosen, and questions her about her mulching project, suggesting she lacks the understanding and physical ability to handle the task without male guidance. Despite her assertion that she has made an informed choice and is capable of mulching her own yard, the man persists in offering help, emphasizing the complexity of calculating the amount of mulch needed and implying that her success depends on his expertise.

Opinions

The man believes that women, especially those who appear to be suburban and well-dressed, are unfamiliar with hardware store environments and require assistance with "manly" tasks.
He assumes that the woman's decision to purchase walnut mulch is not her own and that she must have been directed by a male figure, such as a husband.
The man implies that the woman's choice of mulch is inferior to his preference, red cedar, and that her landscaping decisions should align with his advice.
He questions the woman's ability to perform manual labor and doubts her mathematical skills, suggesting that tasks like mulching and calculations are beyond her capabilities without male assistance.
The man's attitude reflects a condescending view towards women's autonomy and decision-making skills, particularly in traditionally male-dominated domains like home improvement.

You look like you need my help

Hi There! I saw you drive up in your Volvo so, here I am in my white pickup truck to see if you need help. Are you looking for your husband? Nice suburban women clad in J. Crew don’t drive through the order pickup gate at Mills Fleet Farm very often. I know because I pick up the manly things I need to do manly stuff all the time.

You know the saying, “If Fleet Farm doesn’t have it, you probably don’t need it.” It’s pretty much the guys version of Target.

So what are you picking up? Mulch? What kind? Oh, the walnut. Yeah, walnut is pretty nice but, are you sure you want walnut mulch? Is that what your husband told you to pick up? I always use red cedar. You meant to pick up the red cedar, right? Let me help you with that. I can understand how confusing the manly pickup yard with the manly mulch must be for you. Trust me, your husband will be so happy and you’ll thank me.

What kind of mulching project is he doing anyway? I put red cedar around my wife’s flower garden last year. I told her red cedar was the best mulch and she really likes it. Do you have a flower garden? Is your husband mulching your flower garden for you? I told my wife to plant tulips, irises and hostas. You should plant those too — they look great with red cedar mulch.

Oh, you don’t have a husband? You chose the walnut all by yourself? Because you like the aesthetic of how the dark mulch complements the exterior color of your house and makes your landscape “pop”. Listen lady, I’m just here helping you out — no need to get hostile and use big words. That’s probably why you don’t have a husband.

And you’re mulching your yard on your own? Wearing J. Crew? Are you sure? Mulching is really hard work. It’s serious business that should be taken seriously. Are you sure you have enough? Did you do the math to calculate exactly how much you need?

It’s really important that you do both geometry and multiplication to figure out the right amount of mulch. Since you don’t have a husband, did your dad or one of your girlfriend’s husband’s calculate it for you? Because I can work up those figures real quick if you know the square-footage of the area you’re covering. Do you know what square-footage is? That’s the first calculation you have to make when figuring out how much red cedar mulch you need for your flower garden.

Wow! It’s a good thing I came along when I did, isn’t it? Without my vast knowledge of mulch and math your yard would be a mess! Here let me…

Oh, OK, sure…you can have that employee help you with the walnut mulch. I’ll go pay for my trough now.