Hey Guys, Just Shut Up and Clean the Bathroom Already

Basic hygiene is not a threat to your masculinity

Do you want to have a better relationship with your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, roommate, husband, mom, sister, brother, or anyone you live with?

Awesome. I have some exciting news.

You can have a healthier, more loving, and respectful relationship with anyone you live with if you do this one thing—

Just clean the f*cking bathroom once in a while.

I know, it sounds too good to be true. But cleaning the bathroom (without making it a big deal) really will make your relationships better. Trust me, I’ve been married for almost a whole year now, so obviously I’m an expert on relationships.

In all seriousness, performing this simple act of service (and basic hygiene) really is part of a much larger commitment to your partner and yourself, and that’s the foundation of any healthy relationship.

If at this point, you’re feeling attacked because you’re a guy who cleans the bathroom on a semi-regular basis relax, hoss. I’m not talking about you. But I’m curious, why are you still reading this? Did someone send it to you?

Or are you still reading because deep down you know you don’t clean the bathroom as often as you should? To answer that, let’s find out exactly how often you should clean the bathroom, and why it matters so much to your relationships.

How often should you clean the bathroom?

Here’s the best part about cleaning the bathroom—you don’t even have to do it all that often. No, really.

Most “cleaning experts” recommend cleaning the bathroom once a week. But if you’re like the rest of us mortals, cleaning the bathroom every other week is still fine, at least for the big stuff like the toilet and shower.

And that’s super doable.

I don’t care how busy you are, or how hard you work. You can find 15 minutes to wipe down the shower, sanitize the toilet, and scrub the grout and countertops every fortnight.

At least, you can if you care about the person or people you live with.

Love requires maintenance

Books and movies teach us that love is all about grand romantic gestures. It’s about dozens of roses, fireworks when you kiss, and passionate declarations of longing like Love in the Time of Cholera or Pride & Prejudice.

And all of that is great. But it’s not enough to sustain a long-term relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with making a big romantic gesture for your partner (if that’s what you’re both into). But real love — the kind that lasts for decades—isn’t (just) about the grand gestures.

It’s about the little things, like service to your partner and maintaining yourself. It’s about cleaning hair out of the drain (and not whining about it).

My wife really appreciates a clean bathroom. She’s a very clean person (way cleaner than me). But that doesn’t mean it’s her responsibility to keep the bathroom spotless.

A few months ago, we talked about which areas really drive her nuts (the shower, toilet bowl, and sink), and how I can pitch in, and we decided to clean the bathroom together every week or so. Pretty simple solution.

It’s not “fun”, but I’d argue that it’s pretty romantic that we both drop what we’re doing, grab some paper towels and cleaning solution, and crush the bathroom cleaning duties together. Sometimes we even high-five at the end (after we wash our hands, of course).

Obviously, scrubbing a toilet isn’t how I want to spend 15 minutes on a Saturday morning, but it’s important to her, and it makes my life better, so that makes it worthwhile.

I don’t care if you earn more money than your partner. I don’t care if you work longer hours than they do. I don’t care if you think it’s gross. It is gross.

That’s the point.

The bathroom is where we poop and clip our nails. Where we floss and spit and piss and scrub our bodies clean.

You chose to be with this person in your home, so choose to do the work of being with them. Clean the toilet. Pick hair off the soap. Scrub the grout. Clean the drain. Spray and mop the floor.

Do it because you love them, but also because you respect yourself. Screw it — do it because you like a clean bathroom.

Most people don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t take care of themself. And no one should have to clean the bathroom alone.

Why I’m calling men out

To be clear, while I am writing this article for men, not cleaning the bathroom isn’t just a guy problem. I’m sure plenty of guys (both single and in relationships) clean the bathroom regularly.

And I’m equally sure that many women can absolutely destroy a bathroom.

I’ve read Everybody Poops.

But if we’re being honest, men are usually the primary culprits for a messy bathroom (even if we’re careful). And according to an OECD study, “Women perform an average of four hours of unpaid work per day compared to men’s two and a half hours.”

All that invisible unpaid labor — like cleaning up the bathroom—adds up. According to the New York Times:

If American women earned minimum wage for the unpaid work they do around the house and caring for relatives, they would have made $1.5 trillion last year.

Worldwide the sum of women’s unpaid labor (at minimum wage) would be over $10 trillion.

I’m sure right now, some of you are writing an all-caps “NOT ALL MEN” comment about how your girlfriend is the real slob in your relationship.

Cool.

If that’s really true, send your partner this article and ask them to help you out. But despite the title, this piece isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s a wake-up call for everyone to take a little more responsibility for their part in the maintenance of common spaces (even the gross ones)

And how we can literally show love for the people in our lives by making our common spaces just a little bit nicer.

• Not because you “owe” it to them.
• Not because they keep asking you to help.
• And not because you’re a gross man-bear that doesn’t turn the light on to pee at night.

You clean the bathroom because you love your partner, but also because you respect yourself enough not to use a grimy outhouse every day.

And if cleaning the bathroom twice a month is too much for you … maybe you don’t have what it takes to be in a relationship.

Or you can hire someone to come clean if you have the money. That works, too.

Shawn Forno is a travel writer with 15+ years of experience (Lonely Planet, Tortuga Backpacks). He’s also been a content manager for creators like Matt D’Avella (Netflix director, The Minimalists). Check out the travel channel he runs with his wife. It’s dope.