Hey, Can I Be Your Friend?
You can never have too many.
I’ve always envied people who have maintained friendships from childhood — those besties who have stayed together through thick and thin, regardless of their chosen routes. Maintaining friendships hasn’t always been easy for me. Becoming close was simple; staying connected, not so much. But I learned later in life, we might not always know where we stand.
When I was a child, my best friends were four-legged and wagged furry tails. It stood to reason because my dog kept all my childhood secrets. If you’re ever looking for a confidant or loyal buddy, befriending a canine is the best. But as I grew, a human companion fell into the mix. Jasmine and I shared our love of dogs and dreams of veterinary school, and we became inseparable. But then we went to different schools where she nurtured her love of books, and I found a love of boys. So two excellent spirits gradually drifted apart.
Over the years, I learned Jasmine never gave up on our dream, moved to the country, and became a large animal vet. I, on the other hand, became a wife, a mother, and an owner of a Boxer. Owning Fraser was the closest I came to veterinary medicine. Every time he needed medical care, or I brought him in for a check-up, I saw the vet. Jasmine and I made our life choices without either of us in it.
But the story doesn’t end there. Much later in our adult lives, I received word from her cousin that she was dying. She was asking to see me. My heart melted. Even after years of distance, my meaning in her life remained. The visit was heartfelt, and I was glad I went because she died within the week. Her cousin told me that seeing me meant a lot to her, and I’m so happy I brought her peace. I mourn her loss and the decision we made not to keep in touch, but there’s no point harping on it. She gave me the gift of knowing I made a positive difference in her life — a vibrant life cut too short. If only we had more time.
There are many kinds of friendships. There are the friends we nurture daily, and then there are the ones we speak to from time to time. One of my closest friends is a man I’ll call Charles. His affection for me was apparent when we first met, and I reciprocated it. He became a best friend and a great shoulder to lean on, and I’d like to think he views me the same way. I always loved sharing my life with him and gaining a male perspective on my issues. I know he felt the same about my viewpoint. We were a force to be reckoned with.
Then one day, he got married. I liked his wife a lot. Over the years, we drifted apart, but never out of each other’s hearts. Although jealousy was never a factor, I couldn’t help noticing the shift in our relationship because one party lived a single life, and the other was paired.
We lost touch for many years but picked up where we left off one day. I’ve always considered Charles one of my closest friends and still do. He is full of respect, has my best interests at heart, doesn’t miss an opportunity to catch up with each other whenever we speak, and we share in each other’s celebrations — becoming grandparents is top of the list.
When I think about Charles, my love for him is as strong today as when we were closely in touch. And when I question whether it’s one-sided, he surprises me by checking in, and I know how much I matter to him. In addition, our friendship reminds me that there are no specific guidelines attached to friends.
From childhood bosom buddy to my mid-life male soul mate, still, there’s nothing like a friend you see more regularly. Amanda was that friend. At one time, we worked for the same company and lived at the same Co-op and on the same floor. We co-parented my chihuahua and enjoyed each other’s company.
But times change, and recently she’s moved and retired. Where distance keeps us apart, the telephone keeps us connected. So, come to think of it, it’s time to catch up. There’s no time like the present.
When I think about my friends, I would be remiss if I didn’t include my newfound buddies on Medium. I love how I’ve developed bonds with fabulous men and women from near and far. There’s much to be said about maintaining connection through common ground, sharing our stories of family, pets, photographs, work, and leisure life. While many I will never meet in person, they’ve left an indelible mark on my life that shows we don’t always need to meet face-to-face to feel close.
There are friends we speak to daily, others periodically, and then there are those we haven’t talked to in years. If Jasmine has taught me anything, it’s that while we may be out of sight, we’re not necessarily out of mind.
Why don’t you make today the day you reach out and call someone? I bet there’s someone out there waiting to hear from you — from the present or your past. I bet you’ll be glad you did.
*I’ve changed the names of the friends mentioned.
We often link gratitude with friendships. Here Barb Dalton 🇺🇦 gives thanks to her loyal following and helped inspire my story.
