Here’s Why Women Are Less Likely to Get Oral Sex Than Men — It’s Not the Reason You Think
The oral sex gap as it is sold is more of a myth than a reality, here is the more complex truth
It’s popular to say that women are twice as likely to go down on men than men are women; however, this is fictitious.
The myth originated from an article in Medical Daily published back in 2016 entitled “Oral sex Gap: women twice as likely to ‘Go Down’ on partners, half as likely to get pleasure from receiving.”
The author based the claim on a small Canadian study which looked at college-level men and women, and was entitled, “Was it good for you too?: An analysis of gender differences in oral sex practices and pleasure ratings among heterosexual Canadian university students.”
However, the study did not remotely say that women were twice as likely to go down on men as men were women.
What the study actually found was that amongst the 899 Canadian university students questioned, in their last sexual encounter, 59 percent of women reported going down on their partner versus 52 percent of men who did the same.
So, there was a gap, but there most certainly was not a wide gap — at least not in this study, which on a global scale is tiny.
The erroneous claim about women being twice as likely to give head appears to have come from another finding in the study, which found that in their last sexual encounter, 10 percent of men said they gave but didn’t receive oral sex, versus 26 percent of women.
Comparing reciprocation data to overall data and using a small group of Canadian university students as your sole form of evidence, then coming to the conclusion that women are twice as likely to go down on their partners as men, is a highly erroneous methodology.
Hence, the claim is completely erroneous and is a perfect example of misinformation and misrepresentation of data at its highest.
In terms of the actual truth, it’s complex.
The complex truth of the oral gap between men and women
It is true that an oral gap exists between men and women, but the data is extremely complex.
This is perhaps best shown by the below table from the 2010 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour, entitled, “Sexual behaviour in the United States: Results from a national probability sample of men and women ages 14–94.”
As we can see from the above table, men receive far more oral sex across all age ranges, and the gap increases the older we get, with men in the +70 range being 2.5 times more likely to receive than women in that range.
However, paradoxically when it comes to those giving oral sex, whereas younger women tend to give more oral than men, from 30 upwards, men tend to report giving more than women, with men in the +70 range being 3.5 times more likely to report having given.
This throws up some peculiar questions, namely how can men give more and receive more?
The answer is they are obviously more sexually active, whereas women are less sexually active.
To put it more bluntly, there are a larger group of men having sex with a smaller group of women, and that group of women gets smaller the older we get.
Considering that we know that the female libido drops far more rapidly than the male, as the graph below shows, perhaps this is not surprising.
So, we can confirm across the board that men receive more oral sex across all age ranges than women on average.
To put it more bluntly, men receive more than they give, even though there are technically more men who give. This means yes, there are a lot of women doing double and treble time compared to men.
The question is, why?
Why are men more likely to get oral sex than women?
It’s popular to blame inequality, porn, and the patriarchy and much more as the reasons.
In fact, if you were to listen to all the feminist-type movements, the girl power-type stuff, it would be easy to buy into the fact that this was all a conspiracy by men to get more by giving less. So, it was all a conspiracy to restrict women’s sexuality and pleasure in the name of male power.
However, despite my younger self largely buying into this, my older self based on research and self-experience has found it is actually unlikely to be the case.
For example, using the earlier mentioned Canadian study, over half of the males reported giving oral sex to a woman as being highly pleasurable, with a further 41 percent reporting it to be somewhat pleasurable versus only 7 percent who didn’t enjoy it at all.
That means 93 percent of men reported liking giving.
However, only 28 percent of the females said they found giving men oral sex very pleasurable, with a further 55 percent reporting it somewhat pleasurable, versus 17 percent who didn’t enjoy giving it at all.
That means only 83 percent of women reported liking giving.
Combined this means only 1 in 15 men reported not liking giving versus close to 1 in 5 women.
If you add this to the fact that men were also more than twice as likely to report giving as highly pleasurable, it begs the question of why men receive it more.
Well, probably because they also are much more likely to report really wanting to receive it.
Yup, whereas similar numbers of men versus women report enjoying receiving oral, with the numbers being approximately 90 percent across numerous surveys, men are more likely to report it as being highly pleasurable.
They are also more likely to report being up for it a lot more often. In fact, most surveys show that women typically like receiving it only when the circumstances are right, and they feel in the right mood, yet for men the circumstances are always right and they are always in the right mood.
Then there is the fact that both men and women alike both report liking receiving a lot more than they like giving — stating the obvious.
If you add this all together, it is not hard to see why we would have an oral gap in men’s favour i.e. men like receiving it more on average and up for receiving it more on average.
The question is though, why do men like receiving it more, and why are they up for it more? In answering these questions is the truth about the oral gap and whether it is a problem.
Differences in anatomy make oral sex a different reality for men and women
If you go down a woman you have no choice but to swallow, but on a man, you can avoid it. All women know this, and it very much does play on their heads, especially while younger — I know it did for me.
Another factor is the reality that women are more naturally smelly down there. It is simply an indisputable anatomical difference — that fact also plays on the heads of women, as it does me and virtually every woman I know.
If you add these two factors together, it inevitably makes the idea of letting someone put their head between your legs on average less appealing — especially if the circumstances are not right.
To put it a little more bluntly, if you know you are smelly down there at current, the thought of somebody enjoying that smellyness, and then kissing you afterwards, is not very appealing — at least not to most women.
But this is just one of the reasons why women’s like of receiving oral sex is a lot more circumstance based i.e. they need to be right.
For example, what likely further exacerbates this reality is if a person has a greater natural odour, potential oral givers are likely less willing on average to want to give unless circumstances are right. As women are more prone to stronger natural odours, this can especially increase the pressure on women and make them want to receive even less than they perhaps otherwise would.
Don’t get me wrong, men do not exactly smell of roses down there, sorry men. However, there is less pressure on men when it comes to receiving because it is easier for them to keep themselves in order down there and, like said, you can avoid swallowing on men. That really matters when it comes to avoiding rough smells and tastes.
The next factor to consider is the menstrual cycle. For example, when I am on my period, I am way too sensitive to even consider allowing someone to put their head down there even if they were willing, which most are not — and fair play to them.
That means there is a week each month when oral sex is a no-go on the receptive side for me. Men do not have this problem.
Another factor which is also not often talked about is sensitivity levels full stop.
For example, I’m frequently even when I’m not on my period, simply too sensitive down there and a tongue, rather than providing a pleasurable experience during these periods, in fact, is nothing more than a ticklish irritant that makes me squirm for all the wrong reasons.
To really enjoy oral sex, I need to feel super relaxed and be really in the mood. I also need my body to be on my side. So, again, I really need the circumstances to be right to enjoy receiving — as most women do.
Men on the other hand I find are near enough always in the mood and have a body that is virtually always on their side — at least on the sensitivity levels.
That means you can near enough guarantee that men, regardless of the circumstances, whether it be after a long day of work, this time of the month, that time of the month, whatever, you can pretty much guarantee they will be up for receiving it.
Women are just not the same, and for a lot more reasons than just sensitivity, menstrual cycle, and worries of a greater smell at certain times.
To explain, women are also more susceptible to health problems with their downstairs. For example, women are more prone to yeast infections — a lot more at that.
For example, upwards of 3 in 4 women will suffer yeast problems at some point in their lives, and close to half will suffer it more than once. Worse than that for women, upwards of 8 percent will suffer from chronic recurring yeast problems.
To make matters even worse when it comes to oral sex, not only do yeast problems make oral sex a no-go because it can lead to thrush in the mouth, there is evidence that giving oral sex increases the chances of a woman having yeast problems.
The same is not true in men. Yup, when God built women he certainly screwed them on the receiving oral sex front — at least when compared to men.
This can be especially seen by the fact that yeast problems in men are rare, and the main way men get yeast problems i.e. thrush, is from intercourse with a woman who has a yeast problem, or from giving a woman oral sex who has such problems.
That means yup, women are the main yeast problem danger for men — and most women know it and most men don’t let women forget it.
Inevitably, women’s greater risk of yeast problems limits the time in their lives they are able to receive oral sex, at least when compared to men, and for the close to 1 in 12 women who suffer chronic yeast problems, it limits it greatly.
But it is not just yeast problems women have to worry about. Bacterial vaginosis i.e. BV, is another thing.
BV is a woman-only problem, and 1 in 3 women will suffer from it at some point in their life. The annoying thing about BV is it can be a right hassle to get rid and has a real habit of coming back, often again and again.
In terms of what it is, it is a bacterial problem which leads to women’s vaginas getting the infamous fishy smell — yup, vaginas are not supposed to smell fishy.
It also causes white/grey vaginal discharge, and to say the least, it makes receiving oral sex an absolute no-go. Not only would a person not enjoy going down on a person who has BV because of the foul taste, they also would put themselves at risk of getting thrush in the mouth, and of stomach problems.
Yup, that means again giving oral sex to a woman presents a risk that does not exist when giving oral sex to men, it can also create a potential problem that cannot occur in men.
This is because there is evidence that receiving oral sex can increase the chances of a woman getting BV. That means if you’ve already got it, and you let someone go down you will probably simply make it harder to get rid of, and if you don’t have it, unless the circumstances are right, you could increase your chances of getting it if you receive oral— especially if you have had it before.
And I know, there is that phrase again, right circumstances.
In the end that is really what it comes down to, the circumstances are right for men to receive a lot more often than they are for women, which is why they likely receive more of it and like receiving it more — at least on average.
If you add men’s typically higher sex drive into the equation, it becomes even more obvious why they perhaps like oral a lot more, and receive it a lot more.
That means the oral gap as it is sold, which is as an inequality problem, is not an inequality problem, it is just an expression of differences between men and women, both in want, and anatomy.
However, there is something that does need to be addressed, because there are women out there who want more than they are receiving, just as there are men out there who do.
This will likely always be the case based on personal preferences. But there is a factor that is leading to both men and women getting less than they otherwise potentially could, and giving less than they perhaps would otherwise like.
It is likely that these factors are what present the true gap when it comes to oral, and as such it is these factors that need to be discussed.
Poor sex education in both men and women often turns oral sex into a war — this makes both get less than they could
The first time I masturbated, the first thought I had as I became aroused was, “eww.” I was 12 at the time and thought there was something wrong with my vagina, why was it doing this, getting all “gooey and icky?”
So, my first experience of self-sexual pleasure was “eww.”
Even to this day when I touch myself down there, I still get a little bit of that feeling.
Many women I speak to say that they had a similar experience and have similar thoughts about their vaginal juices, and hate the smell and feel of them.
Inevitably, this likely plays a big part in putting a lot of women off the idea of allowing a person to put their head between their legs.
The tragic thing is, it does not have to be this way.
Sex is messy, and people should learn that from a young age — so before they start to engage with it.
But they don’t. They also don’t learn about how to practice good sexual hygiene, or even why it is necessary — especially if you want certain sexual acts done.
For example, when I was younger an ex-partner of mine had a hygiene problem, he did not clean himself prior to wanting oral sex pretty much ever, so often was sweaty as hell down there.
No person desires to suck on a sweaty penis, so I gently broached the subject with him — probably in a poor way as I was young. He got really upset and never wanted oral sex again.
This is a common problem. For example, I worked for a period in couples therapy and through that worked with both men and women alike who hated going down on their partners.
The reason why was pretty universal, a lack of trust in their partners to be oral-ready, and yet a lack of ability to communicate this to their partner — either through their own fault, or more often through their partner refusing to broach the subject without getting upset.
This lack of trust and inability to communicate is normally borne as a result of poor knowledge of sexual anatomy in both parties.
For example, the most common reason for smelly genital problems was that a partner did not understand why it was so important to clean before receiving oral sex, and so actually saw it as an insult to be asked — like my ex-partner did.
However, it is simply madness to think this.
This is because both the male and female genitalia have what are called apocrine sweat glands. That means they have the same sweat glands as armpits.
That means if you would not lick someone’s armpits unless they had just come out of the shower, you can’t claim to have a problem with someone not wanting to lick or suck on your genitals unless you’ve just cleaned there.
Another common problem was BV. The amount of men and women who have no idea what it was is staggering.
I literally have worked with couples who assumed that vaginas just naturally had very strong fishy smells, which became more powerful during sexual activity.
That literally is a perfect explanation of BV, something both men and women should know, but nowhere near enough do.
The consequence of this is men being put off giving, and women being put off receiving — all needlessly.
Other problems involved men complaining of getting thrush in their mouths either from a past partner or their present partner, and this is why they don’t want to go down on their partner.
So, they did not trust their partner to keep themselves oral-ready.
Could they communicate this to the partner? Of course not, because neither of them had a good enough sexual education to be able to properly discuss and understand the problem, let alone address it.
This is really what it comes down to, many people are so poorly educated on sexual hygiene, and good sexual health practice, that problems arise that should not arise, and can’t be dealt with when they should easily be.
Women are more prone to problems with their downstairs, and education around female genitalia both amongst men and women is non-existent, and so inevitably these problems that should be easily dealt with affect the female side of the equation far more.
This leads me to conclude that there is an oral gap we need to close, but not between men and women, between those who have a good oral sexual education and those who don’t. If we close this gap, it is likely that both men and women would equally start getting a lot more oral sex.
Final words
The reality is, men and women’s relationship with oral sex is highly complex, and it is likely that both overall would like to receive it more on average than they do.
However, neither are going to start getting it more unless we greatly improve the gap between those who are given good sexual educations, and those who are not.
If we did this, men would still likely get it the most for all the reasons mentioned earlier, but all of us would be getting it a lot more. That can only be a good thing.
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