Summary

The author struggles to wake up early due to internal conflicts between the logical and mathematical parts of their mind, which prioritize sleep over early rising.

Abstract

The author describes a common scenario where they intend to wake up early but fail due to a complex interplay of their mind's departments. Each night, they set multiple alarms, hoping to trick their mind into waking up. However, when morning comes, the "Math Department" of their brain analyzes sleep data to argue for more rest, while the "Logical Reasoning" department tries to understand the Math Department's morning efficiency despite being less functional during the day. The "wakeupper," responsible for waking the author, faces off against the Math Department's data-driven arguments, leading to a state of panic for the author, caught between the need for sleep and the urgency of morning routines. Ultimately, the author's attempts to wake up early and engage in activities like a morning jog remain unsuccessful, with the Math Department often winning the internal debate.

Opinions

The author believes that the mind plays a crucial role in waking up early, with different "departments" of the mind having conflicting priorities.
The "Math Department" values adequate sleep and uses data to justify extended rest, suggesting it has a protective role against sleep deprivation.
The "Logical Reasoning" department is puzzled by the Math Department's effectiveness in the morning versus its ineffectiveness throughout the day.
The "wakeupper" is depicted as organized and forward-thinking, aiming to ensure the author wakes up with enough time for morning responsibilities.
There is a sense of humor and resignation in the author's tone, as they recognize the Math Department's manipulative prowess in undermining their plans to wake up early.
The author hints at a desire to improve their morning routine, as indicated by their purchase of "The 5 am Club by Robin Sharma," but suspects internal sabotage in not being able to find the book.

Humor

Here’s Why I Can’t Get Up Early in the Morning

It is all in the mind, my mom used to say, and I agree…

I read a lot of articles that talk about how getting up early in the morning is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Every night I go to bed with a steely resolve. I WILL get up early tomorrow morning.

Every morning I find that the steely resolve has melted and is lying in a puddle by the bedside.

Setting the Alarm

Each night, I meticulously set the alarm to wake up early. Let me not bother mentioning what I mean by early. The early birds will have an ROTFL moment.

I set 2–3 alarms anywhere between 5 minutes to half an hour apart. Cannot take the risk of switching off the alarm, and then falling into a dead slumber. It is also important to not have a fixed pattern here because the guys at the Math department…well, more on that later.

Over and above all the alarms and false alarms is the clock on the wall. It is deliberately set to about 15 minutes ahead of the actual time. The logic is mind-numbingly simple. At your groggiest best, your brain forgets that the clock is a bit ahead. You see the time, react quickly because you are probably late, and spring out of bed. That way, you are assured of rising on time!

Except — we underestimate the machinery in our brain!!

What Exactly Happens in the Morning

This is where the amazing creation that is our brain kicks in.

The first alarm rings. Say at 6:30 am.

The Math Department in my brain, which is comatose during the rest of the day, wakes up and gets into a flurry of activity.

Graphs and charts with sleep data for the week are pulled out. Sleep cycles throughout the week are compared.

When the average sleep for the week begins to look good, the Math department folks start getting fussier. They pull out the data for the previous night. At what time did I go to sleep? How many hours has it been since I actually fell asleep, and that is very different from the time I hit the bed. Both data points are noted.

The guy in charge of recording data during the day is hastily summoned from his sleep. He is asked whether I caught a few winks in the afternoon. If I haven’t, the Math guys almost do a little jig. This means that the day’s quota of sleep probably hasn’t been met.

It is not good enough if the weekly average is good. Daily hours count too.

Armed with this data, the Math guys head out to talk to the guy whose job it is to wake me up when the alarm rings. He is the wakeupper. He is the one who recalls which day of the week it is, reminds me about when the kid’s classes start, and therefore at what time I need to be up to get her breakfast ready in time. He is an organized guy and likes to see me up with some time to spare.

The Math guys have a contrarian point of view. They are all for getting the required hours of sleep, or more if possible. They have vested interests. If they work a bit hard now and win the case for more sleep, they can go back to being comatose for the rest of the day.

Meanwhile, Logical Reasoning guys hit a wall

Quite the conundrum actually. During this hectic time, the Logical Reasoning department is actually processing all the activities. They are trying hard to figure out the Math department. The guys are hyperactive and clearly very good at Math early in the morning before I am fully awake. But if they are called upon for anything during the rest of the day, they act like petrified chickens. The guys at Logical Reasoning haven’t been able to crack this yet.

And the argument continues…

There is a stiff argument between the wakeupper and the Math guys. Data trumps all arguments. When the manipulative Math guys show the wakeupper that I am sleep-deprived, and that sleep-deprivation can take a toll on my health, the wakeupper weakens.

By this time, the first and second alarms have rung and been dismissed.

The wakeupper is getting nervous by the second. But he is no less manipulative, while also being highly creative. He begins some visuals now. He plays some ‘what if’ scenes.

What if I wake up really late? What if I can’t get breakfast ready for the kid on time? What if she goes hungry into class? What if she messes up her test because she was underfed? What if her morale drops? What if? What if?

By now I am in a state of panic. I am torn between the need to catch up on sleep based on data, and the necessity to wake up to get the morning routines rolling.

Of course, all those grand plans to wake up early have smashed to the ground long back. The Math department guys are really efficient. Have to hand it to them. They have been in this business for years, and they haven’t failed me much. They ensure that my sleep cycle is uninterrupted, and I always get my required number of hours.

But wakeupper’s dreams of getting me to wake up early and catch a morning jog, or at least wake up with enough time to spare for the morning chores — that remains a dream.

Now you see why I can never wake up ‘early’!

I recently ordered the book The 5 am Club by Robin Sharma. I can’t seem to find it on my bookshelf. I feel like the guys in the Math department manipulated my hand to misplace it while I wasn’t looking!