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Abstract

mbarded with ads and articles telling them to buy Stuff. They’re a perfect marketing target: anxious, vulnerable and eager to overcompensate for their lack of experience. The truth is: you don’t need much.</p><p id="8ca9">Here are a few things you do need:</p><ul><li>A good stroller/bassinet.</li><li>Car seat.</li><li>Bedside bassinet.</li><li>A changing table or a pad.</li><li>A whole lotta diapers, wipes, powder and diaper rash cream.</li><li>Baby nail clippers.</li><li>Lots of comfy cotton onesies.</li><li>Warm clothes if you live in a colder climate.</li><li>Swaddle blankets.</li><li>Some cozy cotton blankets for all sorts of purposes.</li><li>Breast pump if needed.</li><li>Bottles if needed.</li></ul><p id="4bce">That did it for me for the first 6–8 months. I never used a nursing bra or a diaper bag either, getting along just fine with my sports bra and before-baby backpack. There’s no need to overdo it with mommy-ing.</p><h2 id="7d6c">To haul the whole house in the stroller</h2><p id="e6cb">Likewise, there’s no need to haul all of your baby’s possessions on a walk with you. I had a friend who did just that every time she came to visit, and I couldn’t help but crack a joke every time I saw her.</p><p id="d12d">Your baby doesn’t need to be entertained with toys, speakers or sound machines when she’s out seeing the world. She doesn’t need a portable fan/heater, sunglasses, cushions, an iPhone or even a book. Bring some diapers, wipes, a change of clothes and a bottle and enjoy your walk.</p><h2 id="2385">To talk to your baby all the time</h2><p id="f3f4">I have a friend who once told me she was becoming dumb because she had a six-month-old. I suggested she could listen to an audiobook while they walked, but my friend was appalled by my suggestion.</p><p id="69f5">“I have to interact with my daughter all the time,” she insisted. I figured I’d be the same when I have kids.</p><p id="752f">I wasn’t. I listened to countless audiobooks and audio courses while out and about with the stroller. I still do, though it’s getting more difficult with my little dictator. I figured an hour in silence never hurt anyone, including babies. I didn’t entertain her with anything during our walks, and my daughter beca

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me a keen and content observer of the world around her.</p><h2 id="2c55">To warm milk/formula</h2><p id="6a51">If you’re using bottles, don’t obsess over warming them. The baby will only reject a cold one if she’s used to having her milk/formula warmed up. We didn’t bother, and our daughter didn’t know the difference. My mom was judgmental, as always, but it sure saved me a lot of time.</p><h1 id="3909">What you do need</h1><h2 id="b184">Fresh air</h2><p id="91d7">Our daughter is half-Scandinavian and half-Russian, so in our household, this was a no-brainer: a baby needs as much fresh air as possible, and that includes cold air. In Denmark, it’s common to leave infants sleeping outside in the worst of temperatures, often right on the sidewalk, as their mom or dad has a coffee inside. Because fresh cold air is good for you and it builds up your stamina (and because Denmark is that safe).</p><p id="a099">We used every breeze outside of our apartment in Los Angeles as an opportunity to expose the baby to cold air. And no, she never got sick (until she started preschool).</p><h2 id="5c50">To keep her cozy and close</h2><p id="820d">Babies spend nine months in mommies’ tummies only to come out and find out that the world is not all that welcoming. That’s where you come in with cuddles, swaddles, blankets, slings, baby carriers, skin-on-skin contact and anything else you can come up with to keep your baby close and cozy. To me, there’s nothing sadder than a newborn lying alone in a bare bassinet staring at the ceiling.</p><p id="7a8d">My Scandinavian husband took one look at over-the-top suffocation warnings plastered all over our baby’s cot and covered them with cute blankets. Then, he stuffed some more inside the bed, for extra coziness (Danes are obsessed with coziness which they call “hygge”). Then and always, we made sure her world was full of comfort.</p><h2 id="6aae">A glass of wine</h2><p id="39f4">Yes, you can drink if you’re breastfeeding. Google it.</p><p id="1cdb">In parenthood, and in life, think for yourself. The internet (and your mother/sister/neighbor) is full of advice that just doesn’t feel right. Keep it simple. Listen to your intuition. And get some quality wipes.</p></article></body>

Here’s What You Do and Don’t Need When You Have A Baby

Unfiltered advice for my best friend

Last week, my best friend had a baby girl.

Ever since I had mine three and a half years ago, I’ve been preparing for this day, storing away bits and pieces of advice like a squirrel. But because we live in different parts of the world, most of it remained hidden.

Now it’s time to spill the acorns and tell my friend how it’s done. Because she asked me to. And because my head will explode if I don’t find a way to pass my parenting thoughts on paper.

I think I have a publication’s worth of hacks, rants and opinions, but to begin with, here are some thoughts off the top of my head. For my friend and every other new parent out there.

What you don’t need as a new parent

More space

First of all, you don’t need a nursery. Sure, if you’re bored and have an extra room and like to decorate, by all means, knock yourself out. But no child ever came out of the womb craving personal space.

My daughter is 3.5 and was always quite independent, but she never liked being in a separate room from “mommy,” day or night. I went from having to feed her at night to having to comfort her when she woke up from an illness, a nightmare, or god-knows-what-else. Yes, it means many nights of sleep ruined, but it also means I’m her rock, her constant, her “always there” mama bear. It means she’s never alone and scared, and I’m never shuffling around the house in the dark to check in on her. Isn’t that the essence of motherhood?

(That) much stuff

New parents are bombarded with ads and articles telling them to buy Stuff. They’re a perfect marketing target: anxious, vulnerable and eager to overcompensate for their lack of experience. The truth is: you don’t need much.

Here are a few things you do need:

A good stroller/bassinet.
Car seat.
Bedside bassinet.
A changing table or a pad.
A whole lotta diapers, wipes, powder and diaper rash cream.
Baby nail clippers.
Lots of comfy cotton onesies.
Warm clothes if you live in a colder climate.
Swaddle blankets.
Some cozy cotton blankets for all sorts of purposes.
Breast pump if needed.
Bottles if needed.

That did it for me for the first 6–8 months. I never used a nursing bra or a diaper bag either, getting along just fine with my sports bra and before-baby backpack. There’s no need to overdo it with mommy-ing.

To haul the whole house in the stroller

Likewise, there’s no need to haul all of your baby’s possessions on a walk with you. I had a friend who did just that every time she came to visit, and I couldn’t help but crack a joke every time I saw her.

Your baby doesn’t need to be entertained with toys, speakers or sound machines when she’s out seeing the world. She doesn’t need a portable fan/heater, sunglasses, cushions, an iPhone or even a book. Bring some diapers, wipes, a change of clothes and a bottle and enjoy your walk.

To talk to your baby all the time

I have a friend who once told me she was becoming dumb because she had a six-month-old. I suggested she could listen to an audiobook while they walked, but my friend was appalled by my suggestion.

“I have to interact with my daughter all the time,” she insisted. I figured I’d be the same when I have kids.

I wasn’t. I listened to countless audiobooks and audio courses while out and about with the stroller. I still do, though it’s getting more difficult with my little dictator. I figured an hour in silence never hurt anyone, including babies. I didn’t entertain her with anything during our walks, and my daughter became a keen and content observer of the world around her.

To warm milk/formula

If you’re using bottles, don’t obsess over warming them. The baby will only reject a cold one if she’s used to having her milk/formula warmed up. We didn’t bother, and our daughter didn’t know the difference. My mom was judgmental, as always, but it sure saved me a lot of time.

What you do need

Fresh air

Our daughter is half-Scandinavian and half-Russian, so in our household, this was a no-brainer: a baby needs as much fresh air as possible, and that includes cold air. In Denmark, it’s common to leave infants sleeping outside in the worst of temperatures, often right on the sidewalk, as their mom or dad has a coffee inside. Because fresh cold air is good for you and it builds up your stamina (and because Denmark is that safe).

We used every breeze outside of our apartment in Los Angeles as an opportunity to expose the baby to cold air. And no, she never got sick (until she started preschool).

To keep her cozy and close

Babies spend nine months in mommies’ tummies only to come out and find out that the world is not all that welcoming. That’s where you come in with cuddles, swaddles, blankets, slings, baby carriers, skin-on-skin contact and anything else you can come up with to keep your baby close and cozy. To me, there’s nothing sadder than a newborn lying alone in a bare bassinet staring at the ceiling.

My Scandinavian husband took one look at over-the-top suffocation warnings plastered all over our baby’s cot and covered them with cute blankets. Then, he stuffed some more inside the bed, for extra coziness (Danes are obsessed with coziness which they call “hygge”). Then and always, we made sure her world was full of comfort.

A glass of wine

Yes, you can drink if you’re breastfeeding. Google it.

In parenthood, and in life, think for yourself. The internet (and your mother/sister/neighbor) is full of advice that just doesn’t feel right. Keep it simple. Listen to your intuition. And get some quality wipes.