I Don’t Wish to Startle You, But…
You have a stain on your sneakers.
“It’s right there. I see it.”
“Please don’t say that.”
“I’m just saying you put way too much time into your sneakers.”
“I barely play basketball. I barely use them.”
“I’ve seen you use them on your private tennis court. Which should be illegal, by the way.”
“I know, my Nikes are very rare.”
“No, it’s because your sneakers hurt the tennis courts, actually.”
“Tennis courts don’t have feelings.”
“Sometimes they do.”
“Prove it.”
“Fine…give me a second, you pain in the ass.”
“Oh I’ve already seen that one. Nice try.”
“Then why did you ask me to prove tennis courts have feelings?”
“This isn’t proof.”
“Yes it is. It’s right there.”
“The linesman called the fault, because the serve landed on this side of the court. That’s not proof of a tennis court having feelings.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about this.”
“People still argue who shot first: Greedo or Han Solo.”
“They both shot first.”
“I’m not talking about quantum mechanics right now, you nerd, I’m being serious.”
“So am I. Greedo did not shoot in the 1977 version of Star Wars, however in the 1997 remake, Greedo fires — George Lucas had it rotoscoped in to where Han shoots shortly thereafter. This is such a well-known fact that Star Wars fans are tired of explaining it.”
“You’re giving me a damn headache with all your facts and references. Did you know that? You’re too nerdy. Feels like I’m talking to a fucking robot.”
“I am not a robot but I sure do like fucking.” The man said, to his beautiful online virlfriend. “So….um, same time tomorrow night?”
