Here’s What I Learned from 100 Days Sober

Seven lessons that changed my life

Do you find yourself wanting to drink only a glass of wine at dinner and end up consuming the whole bottle? Hey, no judgment here. I have spent much of my 30s in this predicament. I’ll start the morning with full intentions to not drink alcohol, only to find myself turning that cap just before I start preparing dinner. I am pretty confident that I am not alone in this ritual.

Wine moms have been a thing for a while now. It’s how we celebrate the success of surviving our children each day. But I kept hearing this whisper that said, ‘not tonight.’ I ignored it for years until I grew tired of the struggle and got some help.

Yup. I paid for help. I joined an online challenge to take a step back from alcohol for 21 days and learned so many things that kept me going. After 100 days of sobriety, here are some lessons I learned.

Lesson One

ALCOHOL IS ETHANOL- THE STUFF THAT’S IN GAS

What!?! I thought alcohol was fermented stuff. Yup. Ethanol is what is produced in the fermentation process. It’s also what gets you drunk. It’s so potent that you can not drink it straight. It has to be diluted. But that’s not that shocking of a fact. What is heinous is that the stuff you are drinking is the same stuff put in gasoline. I don’t know about you, but I can’t help imagining drinking from a gas pump when I think about this.

Don’t believe me? Just google it. That information has been around for a long time. I can’t believe it took me a while to understand what alcohol really is.

If you believe that your body is a temple and what you put into it helps it function optimally, why are you drinking alcohol? That’s what I started asking myself when I discovered this information. I try to eat a balanced diet, get my 10,000 steps in, meditate, and drink lots of water to stay hydrated. Why would I sabotage these efforts by drinking alcohol?

Now, when I fill up my car at the pump, that ol’ tune played many nights at the bar to influence people to buy around takes on new meaning. Instead of giving my friends shots, I am buying my car ‘shots, shots, shots, sha sha shots shots shots, evr’y boooody.’

Lesson Two

IT’S NOT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ‘NO’ TO, BUT WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ‘YES’ TO

At first, I felt like the big elephant in the room. What? Aren’t you drinking? But why? You are a drinker! I was worried about what other people thought of me. I was also worried about missing out. If I was the only one not drinking, would I be the party pooper? I didn’t want to be the alcohol naysayer in my circle of friends. However, the more I said no thank you, the more I realized what I was saying yes to.

You aren’t saying no to hanging out or being a good friend. You are not saying no to living your life by putting down the glass. You are still a good person, if not a better person, because you are taking care of yourself. You are more clear, present, and engaged when you aren’t drinking. This is way more fun than sitting around feeling lazy from the booze you put in your body. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with you when you are more quick-witted?

I was saying yes to feeling good, taking care of myself, and being more engaged with my kids, students, and peers. Really, I was saying yes to doing life on my terms instead of feeling like I was powerless to old beliefs and habits. Realizing this helps me feel more confident. I trust myself to do what I say I will do each day.

Lesson Three

ALCOHOL CAUSES ANXIETY

For years I thought that alcohol reduces stress and is a relaxing thing to do after a long day’s work. Physiology says different. When we take a drug (yes, alcohol is a drug), our brains release chemicals to counteract this drug. The more you drink, the more your body expects to do this, leaving us feeling awake and alert in the middle of the night after a night of drinking.

“All we need to know is that the relaxing effect of a drink is soon replaced by a corresponding feeling of anxiety. One drink will produce a relatively minor feeling of relaxation and a correspondingly minor feeling of anxiety. However, if we consume larger quantities then the feeling of anxiety is correspondingly increased and can evolve from anxiety into out-and-out depression. It is also the case that over time the effects become more pronounced as the body becomes more proficient in countering the effects of the alcohol.” -William Porter in Alcohol Explained

Understanding that alcohol actually causes anxiety is a new dialogue stream that helped me continue the alcohol-free path for 100 days.

Lesson Four

I DON’T NEED ALCOHOL TO BE SOCIAL

Pssst… it has the opposite effect.

At Least for me.

It was Christmas. I had been alcohol-free for 27 days. This was a significant feat for me. I was feeling good but debated. Should I drink? Or should I not? It was a holiday after all. However, I remember standing in the kitchen, cracking jokes with my husband, feeling alive, alert, and excited for the weekend’s events. Our family was chatting away, having a great time.

Then, I drank alcohol. At first, it tasted nice. I had that familiar buzz. After about 20 minutes, I found myself sluggish, tired, and lazy on the couch — the typical location for mama to have her evening glass. I became less social, not more. This was an aha moment for me. And one I keep in my tool kit when I feel like having one at a similar social gathering.

“Alcohol is a depressant and an anaesthetic; it anaesthetises certain feelings (such as tiredness, stress, pain, and discomfort) and the effect of this is that we tend to feel more mentally relaxed after a drink.” -William Porter in Alcohol Explained.

Huh, alcohol is an anesthetic. (And William Porter is British). That is why I feel relaxed and tired, not energized after a drink. (And why words are spelled funny).

Lesson Five

ALCOHOL DULLS MY SENSES

We want to live joyful, meaningful lives. However, when I drank regularly, I didn’t feel that way moments throughout the day. I felt dull. It was hard to find the humor and meaning from moment to moment. I wasn’t depressed per se, but I was just meh– like all the time.

Since remembering that alcohol is a depressant meant to relax the body and produces feelings of anxiety without the alcohol, it is no wonder why I felt somewhere in between depression and lackluster for daily living throughout the day. My brain didn’t fully have time to recover from the effects of alcohol.

Annie Grace explains why it takes time to recover from drinking entirely in her podcast. Alcohol metabolizes in the liver, detoxing it from your system. This is about intoxication. Alcohol can be traced in your system for about 72 hours, but it takes time for your body to normalize from the night of drinking. Your nervous system becomes sensitive when drinking alcohol regularly. So your body accommodates. If you just take alcohol away, your body wonders, are we really not going to drink anymore? And then it starts to recalibrate to normalcy. This takes time, depending on how much you drank, how tall you are, and how much you weigh, but is about ten to 14 days.

Lesson Six

I AM OLIVIA POPE!

Well, not the daughter of the mastermind of a secret society, but I can handle it much more without regular alcohol consumption. I have been able to approach situations in life not as irritations and inconveniences but more as problems to solve.

In the past, if someone had added something to my plate or tried to change my plan, I would be angry, mad, or irritated about the situation. My first thought would be, “I need a drink.” This is not a thought now. Instead, I pause. I take a deep breath. And I ask myself, “What is the issue I need to resolve?” Sometimes that issue is a change in my lesson plans or schedule. Other times it’s my reaction to the information. Is this worth getting mad about?

Lesson Seven

I AM NOT ALONE

This is probably the most significant lesson I learned since setting down the glass. I was lonely, on the couch, night after night, believing that no one would understand me. My friends were tired of me talking to them about my woh’s in drinking. My family just turned a blind eye to my overconsumption. Even my husband would joke about how momma loves her wine and neglect to tell me to slow down. I didn’t feel like I had anyone I could really talk to.

When I joined a support group during my 21-day challenge, I was enlightened to learn that other women felt the same way I did, and they coped with it the same way I did too. It was a relief to know that I wasn’t alone. I just really can’t say that enough.

If you are feeling alone about your drinking, please visit this list of programs and support that may help you find your tribe of like-minded people. You are not alone. Others feel the same as you do. Lean into opening up about your drinking, and you’ll attract the people you need.

CONCLUSION

Despite my struggles with alcohol, I found a program that helped me gain momentum to live an alcohol-free life for over 100 days. I learned that alcohol is not something I want to put in my body regularly. It is meant to dull our senses and mess up our neurochemistry. I am not going to miss out on life by not drinking. In fact, I have found that I have more energy to embrace the life I am living. Most importantly, I have learned that I am not alone and that there is a world of possibilities I neglected to see.

Want to Learn For Yoursel? Go Dry with me!

DISCLAIMER: Some of these links may be affiliate links. This means that I receive a small commission when you purchase. Also, I am an educator, not a medical professional or a licensed counselor. If you have concerns about alcoholism and/or trauma related healing, including mental health concerns please seek help from the appropriate professional.

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