Social Media and Aging

Here’s What Happens When You Grow Out Your Gray

People on Facebook will use it against you

Not once have I regretted growing out my gray hair. I think I look better gray than I did when I colored my hair brown. I didn’t even mind the grow-out period. I have never had more compliments from perfect strangers in my life.

There’s just one downside: People on Facebook will insult you constantly, and that’s apparently absolutely OK according to their “community standards.”

I’ve spent a lot of time in Facebook jail, because I have opinions. I have not been rehabilitated by these incarcerations. I have come out hardened and defiant. At a certain point, however, I decided if Facebook is such a delicate flower as to object to half the things I say there, I ought to help them reach their goal of 100 percent sweet speech. And so I began reporting every instance I saw of racist, sexist, anti-Semitic and other hate speech.

In almost every instance, I’d get back a message saying they’d decided not to take the comment down because it did not go against their community standards. The kicker was when someone tried to insult me for looking old and I replied, “… you expect your ageist remarks to be debated? Only a troll could suggest a thing.”

Sigh. The next thing I knew, I was figuratively banging my tin cup against the bars and then getting a jailhouse tattoo from a grizzled old bank robber.

When I had brown hair, I was called “libtard,” “dumbass,” “stupid,” etc. Once my hair was gray, the insults shifted. Now, I’m an old crone or a stupid old woman who is losing her marbles. And it’s just fine. You can call me whatever age-based insult you want. Zuck doesn’t mind a bit.

Apparently, to some people online, the greatest possible insult they can offer is “You have successfully survived for more years than I have!” I guess it hasn’t occurred to some people that, if they are lucky, they will someday be old, too.

It’s not that 56 is actually that old, of course. I’m a “baby senior.” I simply decided to stop coloring my hair at a younger age than is typical. But when I look at pictures of myself with dark hair, I now think it looked too harsh. My natural hair color as a young person was a deep, rich brunette which I loved. I lightened it a few shades as I got older, but honestly, I think the gray looks better.

Did I look younger with fake brown hair? Objectively, no. I wasn’t fooling anybody. I did not look young because I colored my hair. However, the gray hair is seen as a marker for old age. Until quite recently, it was uncommon for women to stop coloring their hair until they were quite a bit older than I am, so gray hair is shorthand for “crone.”

I stopped coloring for two reasons. One, I wanted to embrace my age. And two, because I had to touch up my roots every single week and it was a pain in the butt. Just days after coloring, I’d have a bright silver line showing, like a black car that was keyed down to the shiny metal beneath. I began wondering how I’d look with that bright silver all over my head, so I stopped coloring. I used wash-out root spray to get through the very awkward first few months, and then I mostly just … let it be.

Even the friends who told me I should not stop coloring have all come around and told me they like it. (Yes, I know, they might just be saying it to be kind, but they seem sincere.) It’s unanimous that I made the right decision.

Except on Facebook.

Oh well. You can see I’m devastated as I walk through grocery stores and other women stop me to ask if this is my real color, or when I’m walking across a parking lot and much younger men hit on me.

Here’s what nobody tells you about getting older: Except for a few random aches and pains, this is the best stage of your life!

Except on Facebook.