Here’s What Happened When I Quit Wearing Makeup In My YouTube Videos

There’s something unusual about famous, successful women on the internet: they’re all very beautiful. Look at all the YouTubers, music stars, TikTokers. On Twitter, a text medium, you’re better off if you’re visibly hot. Even if you’re the head of an MLM scheme, you’re more believable if you’re attractive.

And so, when I wanted to become a famous, successful woman on YouTube, I knew had to make myself as beautiful as possible. The early videos of my channel feature me in eyeliner, mascara, foundation, lipstick, bronzer, highlighter, and blush.

This notion was reinforced to me in a comment I received in one of my earlier videos back when I not only wore a full face of makeup but usually put on a fancy dress for the occasion, or emphasized my body in some way:

My audience seemed to agree — makeup was mandatory. Here’s a comment on a video I received where I was, actually, wearing some light makeup:

No matter the content of my video, I received some kind of feedback from men about how I looked and whether I should keep it up, tone it down, or work on improving.

I can’t say what finally snapped. Maybe I just poked myself in the eye with the mascara wand one too many times. But about four months ago, I stopped wearing makeup when filming my YouTube videos. This is what happened.

1. My YouTube views changed unexpectedly.

This was my biggest fear: that if I stopped wearing makeup in my videos and thumbnail selfies, I’d lose viewers.

But I get more views today than I did in the makeup days. Maybe it’s because, absent makeup, I have more time to spend on SEO research or audience analysis. Maybe I just seem happier and more authentic in my videos. I certainly feel happier and more authentic.

Regardless, my views did not decrease. It’s possible I disgusted some people who preferred I put on mascara, but if I did, they’re outweighed by the increase in viewers who don’t care.

2. My attitude about makeup changed.

I used to wear makeup every time I went anywhere with friends. But after quitting it for the YouTube channel, I stopped wearing it altogether. I’ll wear it for events like Halloween, but when I go out for a drink or dinner with my friends, I don’t put on any makeup.

I also stopped thinking about ways to improve my looks. Before, I often considered whitening my teeth, getting lip fillers, spending $100/month on fancy skincare. After I stopped wearing makeup, I cared much less about other ways to beautify myself.

3. My self-confidence radically altered.

What happens if you accept how you look as good enough? Well, perhaps unsurprisingly, you get a lot happier.

It takes me about 3–5 hours to edit a video. Do you know how jarring it is to stare into your own beautified and improved face for 3–5 hours and then catch sight of your own actual face in a mirror, with scraggly hair, puffy eyes, and imperfect skin?

It sucks.

A lot of people wear makeup to experiment, to play, to have fun. This is not aimed at them. I wore makeup to improve myself and that meant that deep down, I didn’t accept the way I looked normally.

Once I realized I could make professional videos without makeup, I became much more at peace with myself as a person altogether, and my value beyond how I look.

4. My work ethic changed.

I used to dread filming videos because it meant I had to spend half an hour doing my face, hair, and picking out an outfit. And then I would have to take all the makeup off. I’d schedule specific days for filming when I knew I was going out with friends so I would only have to put makeup on once that week.

And God forbid that scheduled day falls on what I call a “bad face day.” (This is a day when I wake up and just don’t like the way I look, despite my husband telling me I look exactly like I do every other day.)

When I quit wearing makeup for my YouTube videos, I was much more comfortable filming videos on the fly. Today, if I have a great idea, or if I am extra energetic, or don’t feel like filming, I give in to that impulse.

5. I realized I cared more about what men thought of me than actually making good videos.

Here’s a joke for you: I consider myself a hardcore feminist. But secretly, I was afraid that if I looked less pretty in my videos, I’d lose the audience (men) that cared about how I looked.

It took me a long, long time to get here, but I finally realized that my attitude should have been f*ck that, f*ck them, and f*ck a society that demands we beautify ourselves if we want to get attention. Nobody tells Hasan Abi that he should groom his brows if he wants to continue being successful on Twitch. If they did, he would be right to ignore them. And I am too.

My views didn’t drop. But if they had, I still would have been OK with that. The audience who cares about how I look instead of what I’m saying? I don’t want them.

Look, I can’t say I’ve fallen into a perfect utopia where looks don’t matter. I definitely benefit from having mechanically straightened teeth, decent skin, and a thin body, most of which came to me thanks to genetics and my parents’ money. Lookism is alive and real on the internet, and it affects everyone.

But I don’t feel like the way I look isn’t good enough for my professional standards anymore. And that is a huge mental burden gone. I feel much happier in my work and myself.

The decision to stop wearing makeup in my YouTube videos has given me back time, self-confidence, and happiness.

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