Here’s the Truth about BDSM and Which One Is Right for Your Personality
Before you try sadistic sex for the first time, learn about the pros and cons.
While some swear that BDSM has saved their relationships from falling apart, for people like me, sadistic sex will always be a fantasy.
BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, sadism and masochism. It’s a sexual activity that involves can feel like it’s become the norm. Even those who don’t practice it know about it, and curiosity about trying it is on the rise.
It makes sense that as we continue to become more sexually progressive, pleasure-positive, and inclusive of diverse sexual interests.
Although BDSM can be fun, however, these types of kinks require accepting boundaries and trusting each other. So before you get down to the dirty, you need to dig up as much as you can on how to do it before you try it.
Is BDSM for you?
Falling in love with someone can push all kinds of crazy aspects about you that you didn’t know about. It’s a crazy emotion and we tend to do a lot of things spontaneously to please our partners.
Speaking of crazy things, some of us do kinks that are considered strange. I once dated a sex manic who was so much into bondage sex. We started making out at the reception, then we moved to the bedroom.
He requested that I dress up as a striper. I obeyed without questioning. I liked the idea.
At that time, I didn’t know domination or BDSM was a thing. I was lost in ecstasy. That feeling of intense vulnerability both emotionally and physically make me ache with pleasure, excited for the sensations all of my body experienced while he watched me fondle myself.
The gentleman sitting in front of me couldn’t control himself anymore. He grabbed me by the neck and covered my lips with deep kisses. I was almost out of breath. He held my hands together above my head and wrapped his leg around my ankle so I was unable to move.
He proceeded to ride me from the side while moaning and groaning. The more he groaned the more aroused I got. I was enjoying it until he started flipping around like a toy.
At that point, I felt violated. Partly because that wasn’t what I had in mind. The sex had taken a different turn and it was no longer fun. I tried to push him off, but he seemed to be enjoying himself so I played along to make the entire experience hurt less.
After that day, I realized he had been pretending about his sexuality. We talked about his animalistic attitude, and how I felt disrespected. This was when he explained he was into BDSM but didn’t know how to tell me in a way I would understand. He had lost a lot of girlfriends because of kinks choices and he did want to lose me too.
I thanked him for being honest with me and ended the relationship with a kiss. Since that experience, my boundaries around kinks got very strict.
So if you are wondering if BDSM is for you or not, then ask yourself these; how do feel about painful sex? What limit of pain can you handle? How do you see power dynamics in a relationship? Are you a dominant or submissive partner?
The more you narrow down your sexual interest the better chances you have at enjoying BDSM.
How to know the best BDSM for your personality
BDSM is more than just having sex. Some types of BDSM do not involve touching yet they have a more psychological effect on the players such as power dynamics, humiliation, and taboo scenes.
However, you have complete control over how far you want things to go. You can put on the breaks when you start to feel uncomfortable.
Emotional insecure people
Women who seek emotional security in their relationship may try BDSM to build that connection with their partner. If you’ve lost attraction for your partner and it seems your partner always dominates in the relationship. The problem is one of the power struggles. Therefore a scene where the role is reversed would be fitting to level the field.
People with a domineering partner should try dominating during sex. You can spice up a more mainstream sex life with a blindfold, some handcuffs, or a little leather outfit.
Also, those who feel rejected, abused, or abandoned prefer an extreme form of control during sex in other to forget their past and feel more in control of their lives.
The more you explore this side of yourself, the more confident you will feel about yourself. And the more confident you feel, the more secure you will be in your relationship.
Adventurous/confident people
Most people who engage in BDSM are those who have clearly defined sexual boundaries. They have explored their sexuality and they know what they like and want to do in during sex. People with a secure attachment style are open to varieties in sex.
These group of people develop their erotic fantasies from different sexual tastes and experiences. They can go from bondage sex to sadistic sex while enjoying every bit of the scenes. They see BDSM as a way to be wild and free in a world with limitations.
People with adventurous spirits are more likely to be the submissive ones in BDSM. They are comfortable giving their partner control during sex because they have experienced relationships with mutual trust and they are known to do anything to please their partner.
People who value trust and respect
Not all BDSM involves extreme pain. Light BDSM doesn’t hurt at all. Such include tickling, blindfolding, playful smacks, or showing superiority.
More extreme scenes could be whipping, caning, binding with ropes, dripping hot wax directly on the skin, and other forms of erotic expression, many of which you might find impossible to imagine.
People with trust issues can build loyalty and respect with BDSM. Asking your partner to call you ‘sir’ or ‘madam’ while they are blindfolded can be effective in gaining their respect and trust.
Because they rely on you to guide them in doing what you want from them, they are more likely to continue the same attitude outside the bedroom. And it’s easier to turn the same trust you’ve earned.
Despite the many benefits of bondage and dominating sex, it’s important to know that BDSM is not for everyone. Don’t allow anyone to trick you into doing what you do not like.
BDSM can go wrong really fast. Boundaries can be broken so make sure you do this with someone you trust completely. Make sure you have a conversation about the kinks you want and how far you can take before getting in on the act.
Thank you for reading. You may like more of my sex stories too. You may consider subscribing for unlimited access to more stories like this.
