Here’s A Scam That I’ll Bet You Weren’t Counting On Today

College professors; do you know where your students are?

My freshman college roommate was doomed to be very famous; or infamous. He certainly had the intelligence to do well academically; he appeared to lack the desire.

His attitude toward the rest of the world may have been attributed to the conflict in his name.

His real first name was from the land of den; either Jayden, Hayden, or Brayen, I never knew which. I always referred to him by his nickname; Pimples — which he hated; or Pimp — which he loved.

Last names didn’t matter to many on the first floor of Sharp Hall, a freshman dorm at the University of Delaware.

To those to whom it matters, his sir name was Peoples — I think.

Pimp would gladly trade hours of scheming to avoid minutes of academic work.

You’d think he’d be a bit cowed by his freshman status.

He wasn’t.

Everyone in humanities at the University of Delaware had to take a core curriculum, as in most colleges. One of the required courses in arts and sciences was what students called Moron General Science 101.

Many first-term freshman students are away from home for the first time. A heady feeling, for some difficult to handle.

I can’t use that excuse. I had my fill of partying and drinking in high school.

My roommate, Pimp, just didn’t give a damn. Probably felt that way in high school, too.

The first term, fall semester, exams were due to be taken the week before Christmas.

Pre-planning his courses in enrollment, Pimp had only one blue book exam to take. He purposely signed up for lectures that involved open book tests or final papers.

To this day, I’m convinced he took General Science because of the final exam.

General Science 101 would be an old fashion blue book test given in the huge Carpenter Field House with 200 or so fellow General Science 101 freshman captives.

Merriam-Webster (source)

Bluebook; a blue-covered booklet used for writing examinations.

Lines are provided on the cover for identifying the examinee

Pimp had a plan; a plscam?

Although no General Science texts had cracks due to Pimp’s opening them — he promised me he’d ace the course.

What did he have up his sleeve?

Pimp didn’t survive the first semester of his freshman year. When he was packing his things; flunking out having achieved failing grades in everything — -except General Science 101. Pimp proudly pointed out his A in that subject.

He was itching to tell me how he did it; I indulged him by listening.

Pimp’s story:

Pimp reported to Carpenter field House with the throng of students that were to take the General Science 101 blue book exam on December 20th. Each brought his/her own blue book (50 cents cost to the student) in which to write answers to the questions that were to be handed out by the various observing proctors.

After Pimp received the question sheet, he asked permission to use the bathroom.

A request that was granted by one of the proctors.

Shoving the question sheet deep into his pocket, he disappeared into one of the many men’s rooms in the field house. The sole men’s bathroom with a window.

Pimp crawled out the window.

With the 100s of seats available for testing students, there were at least 25 that were unoccupied. Pimp’s absence wasn’t missed by any of the proctors.

He gleefully ran back to our dorm where he actually “cracked the science books” and wrote “A” worthy answers to the professor’s questions in his blue book.

He wrote his name on the front where the lines indicated.

As evening fell, long after all the General Science 101 examinees had left the building, Pimp crawled back through the bathroom window he had purposely left unlocked in the afternoon.

He returned to the deserted, gigantic hall where all the seats were empty.

Pimp threw his blue book on the floor — the devious genius he was. He swooshed the blue book on the floor with his foot to render it a bit rumpled and worn. He then left the blue book in Carpenter Field House. He retraced his escape through the men’s room window.

A few days later, Pimp received a formal-looking letter in the inter-university mail marked urgent.

It was an apology from the Science Department; the University of Delaware seal on it and everything.

Dear Mr. Peoples,

On behalf of the science department, it is with regret the university must inform you that your blue book test was mishandled by staff in Carpenter Field House on December 20th, 1960, during the General Science 101 exam. It was discovered on the floor of the field house by a member of the maintenance department and turned in to Dr. Fishbaum* of the science department to be processed. There may be a slight delay in receiving your grade.

Sincerely,

Dr. Nathan Booth*

Dean Of First-Year Students

Forget about the diploma, Pimp’s college career was complete.

I understand he has the letter framed on the wall of his incredibly successful wealth management office in downtown Wilmington.

Although never graduating, he is a large donor to the university and never misses a home football game.

*Name changed