Here Are My Six Unrealistic Resolutions that Make Me Superior to Everyone Else

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gan, gluten-free, sugar-free, and raw diet, all while intermittent fasting. I can’t keep up with which diet is the best one these days, so this will cover all the bases.</li><li>Learn to play the harp. Sure, I could just start with the guitar, but I want to be taken seriously as a musician.</li><li>Get my memoir published. I haven’t written it yet, but I feel like my life story needs to be told. Obviously with my daily journaling (see #1) I’ll have all the necessary material to share my journey with the world.</li></ol><h1 id="f088">Here’s what’s realistically going to happen:</h1><ol><li>I’ll set the alarm for 6 am but hit snooze for roughly an hour before just turning the alarm off. What am I, a farmer?</li><li>I’ll run about two miles before getting bored and walk back home. Running is overrated and I totally forgot I get shin splints.</li><li>I’ll attempt to learn Portuguese but it’s way too confusing. Instead, I’ll focus on understanding the entire menu at a Mexican restaurant without having to ask the server any questions. Besides, my passport expired and we all know that I’ll never get around to renewing it, so that trip to Portugal is out.</li><li>I’ll switch from regular milk to oat milk. That’s saving a cow, right? Besides, intermittent fasting is just a fancy term for an eating disorder. That’s so 1990’s.</li><li>Do you know how

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big harps are? I don’t have space for that. Harmonicas are much more space efficient. I’ll get one of those.</li><li>Who reads memoirs these days? I could just join Threads and share my thoughts in incomplete sentences.</li></ol><p id="1170">Do resolutions really matter anyway? Is anyone really going to care that I’ve reached enlightenment before they’re even awake yet or that I’ve picked up learning the most obscure of string instruments? No, of course they don’t. Resolutions just set up most of us to fail anyway.</p><p id="de5e">I’ll try again in 2025. I prefer multiples of five.</p><p id="8c8e">Thanks to A-Culturated for the <a href="https://readmedium.com/january-writing-prompt-a81a68bc7b2c">prompt</a>. What are your resolutions?</p><div id="a1f4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/submission-guidelines-for-a-culturated-ea2e02e4724b"> <div> <div> <h2>Submission Guidelines for A-Culturated</h2> <div><h3>Join the intercultural club and submit your story!</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*_lUv3oL-jk9cLVYu)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div></article></body>

We all know I won’t stick to them, but let’s pretend.

Another year, another list of resolutions. 2024 will be my year, I can feel it. Okay, I know I’ve said that for the past five years, but this is for real. It’s all even numbers. That must mean something, right?

And with every new year, I’ve compiled a list of my new year’s resolutions. These are the same resolutions I’ve had every year, but since 2024 is my year, I’ll finally get them done.

My resolutions for 2024:

Wake up every day at 6 am to journal and meditate. I will no doubt become enlightened.

Run 10 miles every day. This will invariably lead to my goal of becoming a triathaloner.

Learn to speak Portuguese fluently. I would’ve done Spanish, but that’s so basic. Besides, I hear Portugal is the hot new place to visit these days.

Eat a strictly vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, and raw diet, all while intermittent fasting. I can’t keep up with which diet is the best one these days, so this will cover all the bases.

Learn to play the harp. Sure, I could just start with the guitar, but I want to be taken seriously as a musician.

Get my memoir published. I haven’t written it yet, but I feel like my life story needs to be told. Obviously with my daily journaling (see #1) I’ll have all the necessary material to share my journey with the world.

Here’s what’s realistically going to happen:

I’ll set the alarm for 6 am but hit snooze for roughly an hour before just turning the alarm off. What am I, a farmer?

I’ll run about two miles before getting bored and walk back home. Running is overrated and I totally forgot I get shin splints.

I’ll attempt to learn Portuguese but it’s way too confusing. Instead, I’ll focus on understanding the entire menu at a Mexican restaurant without having to ask the server any questions. Besides, my passport expired and we all know that I’ll never get around to renewing it, so that trip to Portugal is out.

I’ll switch from regular milk to oat milk. That’s saving a cow, right? Besides, intermittent fasting is just a fancy term for an eating disorder. That’s so 1990’s.

Do you know how big harps are? I don’t have space for that. Harmonicas are much more space efficient. I’ll get one of those.

Who reads memoirs these days? I could just join Threads and share my thoughts in incomplete sentences.

Do resolutions really matter anyway? Is anyone really going to care that I’ve reached enlightenment before they’re even awake yet or that I’ve picked up learning the most obscure of string instruments? No, of course they don’t. Resolutions just set up most of us to fail anyway.

I’ll try again in 2025. I prefer multiples of five.

Thanks to A-Culturated for the prompt. What are your resolutions?