Her Hymen is Not Yours to Police

Rapper T.I.’s investment in his 18-year-old daughter's vagina is ‘violation of autonomy’ at its core.

You’d think we’ve hopped into a time machine and landed right in King Henry VIII’s court, saying ‘hello’ to one of his six wives.

This week Rapper T.I. was interviewed on the Ladies Like Us podcast, where he offered some intimate details about his family life to the viewers.

Well, maybe his family life isn’t the right way to put it.

This dude hopped on a podcast with hundreds of thousands of listeners to publically discuss the intact nature of his 18-year-old daughter Deyjah Imani Harris’s hymen.

If that isn’t creepy enough for you, let’s dive into the details of how he can know, with absolute certainty, that this is the state of his daughter’s vagina.

Every single year, since his daughter hit puberty, T.I. has attended a gynecologist appointment with her for a strictly enforced “Hymen Check” with the doctor.

The hosts of the podcast, Nazanin Mandi and Nadia Moham, assume he’s joking at first. Because, you know, they’re normal human beings with rational reactions to ridiculous declarations.

But, nope! This guy is f*cking serious.

He goes on to explain that every year, just after her birthday, he takes his now legal daughter for an appointment, he has booked himself, to give her hymen the old check-a-roo!

At a particular appointment when she was 16-years-old, he describes how the doctor presented a form to Deyjah to sign, to give consent for her father to be privy to the information he was about to share.

T.I.’s response was,

“Deyjah, they want you to sign this… so we can share information’. Is there anything you would not want me to know?’ ‘See doc? No problem.’”

Yeah, sure dude, no problemo at all.

Because nothing says, “Happy Birthday!” like your father invasively getting your body inspected to ensure his little girl hasn’t been utilizing her own damn sexuality in any way that would make him uncomfortable!

The interview has since been removed, in light of the obvious public outrage that ensued.

Hymens break for a variety of reasons.

To all the men out there who seem to have very strong opinions about women’s bodies, but are ignorant to how they actually work, here’s a reality check for you — hymens can break in countless ways.

And every woman’s hymen is situated at a different depth in her vagina.

A hymen can break from a fall, riding a bike or a horse, and even just naturally one day.

My best friend’s hymen broke during her first intercourse experience. Neither tampons nor pap smears had broken it before.

I broke my own hymen when I was 14, the first time I inserted a tampon. My hymen rested close to my vaginal opening.

I also still considered my virginity maintained, because I saved my first intercourse experience until I was married. My hymen played absolutely ZERO role in any of that.

Every woman is different, and at the end of the day, a hymen is just a breakable skin.

Which takes me to my next point:

We’ve got to drop the bull of hymens being a sign of virtue.

This is not the 1600s, and I like to think we’re a little less sexist these days.

But then T.I. hops on a podcast and proves all of us very wrong — we are still under an incomprehensibly misogynistic rule of the patriarchy.

Women practicing their sexuality is no longer shameful — it is a right, and it is a private matter that no one else is entitled to be privy to, or comment on as long as she’s being safe about it.

This is exactly why we need to be making a more direct effort to ensure that consent is taught earlier and more often to young boys.

Because boys who don’t understand or appreciate consent in any way turn into men who slut-shame, sexually assault, and deeply violate their own adult daughter’s autonomy with annual ‘Hymen Checks’.

Her f*cking body, her own f*cking choice.

It is no one else’s position to police someone else’s body, especially when she is a legal adult.

This shouldn’t be shocking to anyone at this point — its’ f*cking human rights.

During the interview, T.I. also casually notes that his daughter’s gynecologist is a man.

And that there already enforces a massive problem.

Imagine how differently this all would have gone if Deyjah’s gynecologist were a fellow woman who knows exactly what it’s like to have the rights of your own autonomy denied by privileged men every single day of your damn life.

Doctors need to stop allowing these obvious abuses of power from happening, which try to control and rule over the bodies of young women.

T.I.’s daughter should have been protected, and given the opportunity to sign, or deny, the privacy consent form without her father present.

She should have been given the opportunity to have her consent heard and respected, in a safe space where she is prioritized above her father’s own curiosity.

For one, she’s a legal adult.

Two, her body is her own. Period.

As long as we allow men to police the bodies of women, consent will continue to hold next to no value.

Because a woman’s consent over her body, what is done to it, and what medical information is shared about it is her call and hers alone.

Final word.

Consent is a topic I can get really riled up about — because I know exactly what it’s like to have mine ignored, and then be immediately violated.

I can’t help but imagine myself in Deyjah’s shoes.

I know I would have never been comfortable with my father enforcing “Hymen Checks” on me.

I would not have willingly consented to that check being performed.

And maybe Deyjah feels the exact same way. But she doesn’t feel safe or comfortable enough to voice her consent, because of the systematic oppression she faces as a women, by the men in her life.

If she was not actually willing to have her vagina inspected, but felt forced to by both her father and the gynecologist who was too f*cking idiotic to actually be professional about the situation and protect his patient, what does that make these ‘Hymen Checks’ performed on her?

It makes them massive and horrendous violations of her body, without her true consent.

A true violation — equally as traumatizing to when a woman is sexually assaulted or raped.

But not like her father has ever considered that before.

He’s just concerned with managing his own daughter’s sexuality, and ensure she’s not having intercourse yet.

At 18-years-old.

Because that’s f*cking normal behaviour.

Never miss a single beat — sign up for my monthly newsletter to get the scoop!👉 https://bit.ly/33XgtKT