Helping Others Shouldn’t Lead To Disappointment
Yet disappointment often accompanies the act of helping
Jack Meyers had the means to help his brother’s children when both his brothers passed away.
He felt responsible for the kids. Each month, he’d pay them an amount to help with their studies and other expenses.
Yet after a few months, one of the kids got into a fight with him. The kid denied taking any further help from him.
Years later, when the kids got married, they wanted to avoid Jack. They hardly visited him.
Jack had every reason to be disappointed, and angry.
Like Jack, there are many others who help someone only to be disappointed by that person later.
What happens in those cases?
What led to this disappointment?
People help others for many reasons —
- To feel happy
- To adapt better to stress & adversity
- To build a stronger connection
- To take care of those in need
- To satisfy their spiritual requirements
- To look good in front of others
- To establish superiority
- To create a group of followers
If you help others because you want to look good, feel superior, or create a group of followers, you might be in for disappointment.
It may not be as simple to understand.
You may help someone at work and expect them to support you in all meetings.
You may help a relative and assume they’d stay silent if you exploit others, or them or be rude to them. Like Jack did when he was rude to his brothers’ families.
You may help a student and hope they’d excel & credit you for your success.
By associating such expectations with the act of help, you set yourself up for disappointment.
Yes, there can be exceptions. But in most cases, the disappointment comes from a misunderstanding.
The misunderstanding is — People think helping is just like any other transaction.
It’s not.
Helping someone is not a two-sided transaction.
It’s about giving. There’s nothing you can expect in return.
If you get gratitude or any other sort of return, consider that as a bonus and move on.
Of course, there are exceptions
Often, those who get helped take advantage of the situation.
They become too comfortable in being dependent on others for support. Instead of using the support to get out of their difficult situation, they perpetuate their misery to ensure a continuous stream of support.
Some others may take advantage of helpers by falsifying their situation & getting more support than they need.
Helpers might also be disappointed to see that their help is not enabling the helped to embrace the difficulties of life.
Often, it’s a combination or hint of such behavior that makes the helper expect more.
Final thoughts
In this world of 7+ billion people, there are many who need help.
But that help shouldn’t have a string attached. It shouldn’t be the helper's way of self-branding, creating a follower group, or feeling superior.
Neither should this be exploited by others, or be used as a cushion at the expense of growth.
Such instances will only reduce kindness from work.
And without kindness, mankind can’t even survive.
Access thousands of articles, learn a new skill, and continue your growth journey by subscribing to email updates & becoming a Medium member.
Read more: